Jumping off a Bridge

Yesterday’s newspaper had an article about the possible suicide prevention strategies for a local bridge where police respond to potential jumpers on average of once a week. This reminded me of an episode from a radio show about people who jumped off bridges and the popular bridges they jump from. This then got me reading about it on the internet.

It’s quite the fascinating topic if you’re interested in that sort of thing. Jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco will statistically give you a 98% success rate of killing yourself. If you’ve done your homework though you should be able to up your chances to 99.9%. Apparently, hitting the water feet first at a certain angle will decrease your chances of dying. The small percentage that survive the impact will often die from hypothermia.

I can see how the bridge method for suicide is desirable. It’s fairly quick and as a bonus you get the thrill of a lifetime just before it’s all over. Suicide by firearm, car exhaust fumes or pills requires one to attain the proper tools. A bridge is accessible 24/7 for free.

One fellow who jumped off of the Golden Gate Bridge immediately regretted it while in free fall. He ended up surviving, garnered some publicity, wrote a best selling book about it and may have found his calling advocating for mental health and bridge suicide prevention. Again the mantra stays true…bigger the risk, bigger the reward.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicides_at_the_Golden_Gate_Bridge

 

 

 

 

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The Seeds of Suicide

There’s taking a gun and blowing your brains out and then there’s the unconscious act of slowly planting the seeds for your death. One who is absolutely sure that they want to remain in this life as long as possible does so by making the prudent decisions to ensure survival.

When a person loses hope for physical survival or no longer possesses the purpose to want to continue living, wanting to die is just around the corner.  We hope that day never comes but every irresponsible decision that is made can be taken as a step closer to ending it all.  Maybe you don’t want to die but your actions can reflect your lack of desire for a long life.

Not being mindful of your finances, health and pushing yourself to the fringes is playing a dangerous game with the devil. Show me the book though, that preaches clearly that a long life is meant for everyone.  You can die at 40 or you can die at 80. Either way you are dead and none of that extra living makes the dead 40 year old envious.  It’s exactly this type of thinking that gets extra seeds planted.

Self-preservation is the medicine that staves off the thoughts of wanting death.  Operating on your primitive wiring keeps you searching for survival and strengthens the ego.  It tells you that it doesn’t matter if you’re unhappy or irrational because all that matters is that you are alive.

Maybe you will get through all of this without being the perpetrator of your own demise.  But maybe the seeds that you planted will see the rain that it needs to grow.

I don’t want to kill myself at this moment or even in the near future but I can imagine a realistic scenario in which it would be possible.  It’s disgusting to think of such situations but I can’t help myself.  Unlike most people, I’m not one to say that I would never do it.   The idea of it is not as crazy as it once was.

Generational Ponzi Scheme

“The heart of the problem is arithmetic: The post-World War ll Social Welfare State, created at a moment when the baby boom was still gestating, is built on a generational Ponzi scheme. As life expectancy increases and birth rates decline, the population pyramid is being inverted—and in some countries that is causing the entire economy to topple.”

Ponzi Scheme: The Ponzi scheme generates returns for older investors by acquiring new investors. This scam actually yields the promised returns to earlier investors, as long as there are more new investors.

That does sound pretty accurate of the kind of social system we have.  Many laws and rights were implemented without a very good prediction of the future.  Humans have always been lousy at predicting the future.  We always think life will never be that much different from the way it is at the present time.  Or perhaps we do know better but putting a band-aid and some hope on problems is a much easier solution.  I guess sometimes a band-aid and hope is all that you really have to work with.

The idea is that your tax dollars help support the retirees and when it comes your time the generations before you support you with their tax dollars.  That’s the promise anyway, however, a popular notion is that people in my generation won’t see very much in the retirement years.  Who knows.  We’ll have to see.  I’m sure suicide will be much more popular and accepted by then.

The quote at the beginning was taken from the final words of Gillian Bennett, an 83 year old lady who decided to take her own life before her dementia did.  Her final words which she published on the internet is a very interesting and thoughtful read.  Most would say her choice to take her own life was very sensible.  Some others would say she is not going to heaven. Besides inevitably living in a vegetative state, she mentions not wanting to be a burden to her country as another reason for her decision.  One thing that surprised me was how she used the term “off myself.”  I didn’t think that was a term used by older folk.    

There’s much more to the letter.  If you would like to read it you can do so at the following link:

http://deadatnoon.com/index.html

 

 

 

Did You Know Robin Williams?

Chances are you never met the guy or anyone he knew but you know for sure that he committed suicide because of his severe depression.

We live in an age where everyone is on the, ‘don’t believe anything the media says’ bandwagon but so many people are doing just that in this case.  The only thing that has been said is that it appears that he killed himself and that he was recently suffering from severe depression.  It was never reported that he killed himself because he was suffering from severe depression.

How do you know that he didn’t have a whole bunch of other issues going on his life?  Some people want to quickly believe that it was only depression that caused his suicide and not anything else.  Maybe, but we don’t know.  He made a lot of money but he didn’t live a completely fairy tale life.  He’s been divorced twice, both ending in big settlements.  He stated not too long ago that he was having money troubles.   Whether it’s true or not, who knows but he said it.  Most recently, his wife stated he was in the early stages of Parkinson’s Disease.  Perhaps his suicide was a tactical move on his part.  Maybe he felt his earning ability now, could not surpass his life insurance pay out.  Maybe he felt that life sucked because it actually sucked.  Maybe he just rationalized that is was a good time to die.  We don’t know.

It’s often difficult to know why anyone does anything they do especially if they don’t want you to find out.  Think about how your closest friends and family often have no idea what’s going on in your life or in your head.  Even when people tell you personal things, they don’t tell you everything.

The feminists argue that pure misogyny as the main motive for the Santa Barbara murders because it’s what they wanted to believe.  Everyone who believes they are suffering from depression wants to believe Robin Williams killed himself solely because of his depression.  The idea is that his depression was so bad that it destroyed his perfect life.  What better opportunity are you going to have as an example on how serious and real, depression is?

I’m not saying his depression did not contribute to his suicide but as far as we know, it could have been other factors as well.   And we may never know the truth.  Unless if you knew him or someone close to him then you don’t really know either.

You Should Be More Scared of Suicide than Homicide

We’re always worried about some crazy guy killing us more than we are with killing ourselves.  Statistically, you have a better chance of committing suicide than you do being murdered.

The homicide rate in Canada is 1.5 people for every 100,000.  The suicide rate is 11 people for every 100,000.  Every year about 3600 people commit suicide in this country.  The number of murders every year is in the 500 range.  I guess this could also mean that you have a better chance of killing yourself than murdering someone.  These statistics could also indicate that a person is more likely to know more people that have committed suicide than were murdered.  You’re more likely though to hear of someone you know getting murdered than someone committing suicide.  Someone committing suicide doesn’t usually make the 6 o’clock news.

Some interesting stats on suicide in Canada but it’s probably similar in other developed countries.

– About four times more men will commit suicide this year than women.
-Women make 3 to 4 times more suicide attempts than men. 

This would indicate that men are mentally stronger and have what it takes to get the job done.  Men don’t play pretend like little girls looking for drama. There’s equal opportunity when it comes to suicide but women try 3 to 4 times harder at something that a man is 4 times more successful at.  #YesAllMen

-Women are also hospitalized for attempted suicide at 1.5 times the rate of men.

Not only do women suck at killing themselves, they want someone to take care of them after they have failed.  If a man fails at his attempt to kill himself, he doesn’t need a shoulder to cry on and a teddy bear.  He takes it like a man and walks away with his pride.  If a man can’t finish a job he knows he doesn’t deserve any sympathy.

-Suicide rates for the immigrant population are about half those for the Canadian-born.

This makes sense.  More immigrants have more to get excited about like 3 meals a day and a day off work.  Even if you’re an immigrant and already have those things, you appreciate them more than someone who has lived here all their lives.  Also, I guess, immigrants are more family oriented which gives people more of a reason to stay alive.  Come to think of it, there’s quite a few more reasons.

-While suicide is often perceived as a problem among young people, men over the age of 80 have the highest suicide rate in Canada.

Who wants to live past 80?  I think once you get to a certain old age and want to die, you think about taking your own life while you still have the physical ability.  I wonder if the suicide rate for men over the age of 80 has dropped since Viagra.

-According to the WHO, suicide rates have increased by 60 per cent worldwide in the last 45 years.

So life has become 60% shittier in the last 45 years?  Or maybe it wasn’t as cool to kill yourself back then?

It’s kind of weird how you never asked to be born and sometimes your parents didn’t want you to be born either but you’re also not supposed to kill yourself.  Suicide is always the other option that no one mentions in every bad situation.  It seems like most people kill themselves without making it count.  If you’re going to throw away your life, you should use it to your advantage.  Not caring about your life can be a great advantage over the 99% of people that do care.  It’s your opportunity to be part of the 1%.  That’s why some guys kill their boss or their ex-wife before ending their own.  To them it would seem like a waste not to.

You don’t have to take someone else’s life though.  I would never encourage that because I would feel bad.  There are a vast spectrum of other options.  Some other options include attempting to climb Mount Everest, robbing a bank, groping a police officer.  The options are endless so don’t just wake up and hang yourself.  At least sign up to be an organ donor before taking yourself out.

Ending your life should be done in the same fashion as how you would want to end a story, movie or blog post.  You don’t want a shitty ending.

 

Rationalizing Suicide

I think about killing myself way too much.  I don’t actually consider doing it but I think about it.  It conjures up a disgusting image of me shooting myself in the head cause that’s the only way I’d do it.  I exhibit many of the symptoms of a person who someone should be concerned about.  Well, someone meaning someone you actually care about.

My interactions with people are somewhat few and far between but it seems that during these meetings I always mention something about killing myself.  Sometimes I say it in a joking manner and other times I sound semi-serious.  Semi-serious meaning I rationalize killing myself.  People see me as too happy go lucky to do anything out of the realm of their possibility.

When you see life and your life not very significant in any sort of scale, you lose the belief that life has any importance.  You operate on a different mindset.  If I wasn’t so easily amused I’d probably be dead by now or someone else would be.   Perhaps I’m being overly dramatic but maybe not.  Statistically I’m 5 times more likely than the average person to fall into the hands of the devil.

I used to hate hearing people in real life or on TV, blame all their misfortunes on their upbringing.  I saw it as an excuse to justify their shitty lives and not own up to their shortcomings.  Because of this I never appreciated the events of my upbringing and just passed it off as a uniqueness to my life.  I looked at it as a series of events that made the story of my life more interesting that added strength to my character.

The truth is my upbringing has debilitated my life and happiness.  I’ve ignored it and have only started coming to grips with it now.  When you’re missing almost everything that most people have at least some of, you’re at a disadvantage of ever becoming a happy individual.

Not ever having a father in my life, a mother that was next to non-existent, no siblings and never any sort of stability has made life challenging when it comes to relationships, confidence and just life in general.  More than anything though,  never having felt I had anyone who regularly gave a shit about me sabotaged any possibility of a healthy life.

I’ve recently come to some sort of conclusion that I suffer from some kind of abandonment issues.  I hate even saying this cause it sounds so faggoty.  If I heard someone say this before I would look at them like some kind of pussy.  I’m sure I have other issues with other psychological labels attached to them but maybe they are just labels without any significance.

For my whole life I always sought acceptance and feared disapproval from males.  I was always quick to hate females.  Maybe I would be quick to like their pretty face but would be just as quick to be disgusted by their words or actions.  I’ve been a psychological mess.

Even if you can’t change the past, understanding it can change the present and future.   Without ever realizing the root of your problems, a solution can be next to impossible to find.

Chances are I will ride out this life no matter what kind of shit it hands me but I’m not going down a good road at the moment.  As exciting suicide may be, I don’t think I will ever have the balls to take my own life.

I would like to add more to this post and finish it in a better manner but it’s nearing my bed time and I’ve also been drinking.