The option of having a choice would seem better than to not have any. The downside of having more than one option is that you have to think and sometimes think yourself to insanity. Even when a decision is made there is still the looming thought of, ‘did I make the right decision?’ Then there is the possibility of the dreadful, ‘I think I made the wrong decision’ or ‘I definitely made the wrong decision.’ It seems that the only thing worse than making a bad decision in life is having to live with it.
I have always had issues with making decisions. There always seemed to be so many options but also none that were very desirable. There were hardly any times when it was a no brainer. Not knowing for sure what you want and not knowing for sure what you do not want, leaves you in a state of paralysis. If you want to be a millionaire and nothing less is acceptable then your only options are the ones that have the potential to make you a millionaire regardless of the risks. The choice becomes much easier.
If you want this but would settle for that but you are also scared of this then you just threw yourself in a dark forest. We all like to think that living in a more primitive part of the world would leave us miserable because of the very few options that would be available to us but I think it could easily be a better life. You don’t think as much of what you should have done, could have done and how your life would be better now if you zigged instead of zagged. Instead of blaming yourself you tell yourself that there was nothing you could have done which leaves you in peace instead of internal warfare.
So many people have a problem with what they want to do with their lives. There are so many options when it comes to a career. Would it not be better if your only option was to be a blacksmith or some other smith and if you didn’t want to do it then you would starve? Depends I guess, but you wouldn’t blame yourself for being a blacksmith. You had no choice.
I doubt that I would really care if I lost my job. The issue is how I lose it. Does some greater power force it on me or do I march into my boss’s office with a metaphorical knife that is my resignation letter to sever the tie that would otherwise be left unscathed if it were not for my own actions. The other night I was out and I knew for sure my blood alcohol level would cost me my driver’s license and my job if I had to take a breathalyzer. A part of me wanted to get caught. Kind of like a person who spent their whole life in prison and when they get out, they do not really care if they went back in. They might even prefer it. If I lost my job in this manner, the feeling of regret would be less likely. So now you think I am a dickhead for drinking and driving. Don’t worry, I was so high that night that the effects of alcohol were non-existent.
Whenever you make what appears to be the wrong decision, there is always the rationalization that it was your fault. You should have known. Why were you so scared? How could you have been so foolish? You were way in over your head. Unless of course you are the type that never blames yourself for anything.
There is sort of a liberation in making a bad choice though. You put yourself in a position that gives you only one choice. You have no other options so you make the best of it. Your mind does not wander to the impossibilties but only to the have to’s so you can say, ‘oh well.’
I think often the best choice is the one your heart wants instead of the choice that can be best rationalized by fear because it would really suck if you made a choice against your heart and on top of that, it didn’t work out.