WordPress Graveyard

If you’re on WordPress long enough it’s inevitable that someone you follow will pass away. It happened a few months ago and again today. There may have been others who died but didn’t get the chance to have a final post published with their writing or from someone they know.

I’m not sure if I prefer to know of their deaths or not. Without any last words I would assume they just stopped blogging and wouldn’t think much of it again. A death notice is always an interesting read but also sad.

If it was me who was in his last days I wouldn’t be able to help myself. You don’t get another opportunity to write and publish a post in such a mindset.

Advertisements

Frieday, Dec 1st, 2017

Ikea has a cafeteria style food court to lure you in hoping that you’ll take a stroll around their maze and end up buying something. The woman in front of me asked for french fries instead of mash potatoes.

“Can I get a few more fries?”

Assertive, are we?

A new batch of fries came right after her request.

“Can you give me the new fries instead?”

I’m using a question mark but it wasn’t really a question. The Ikea staff member obliged and dumped her fries back to give her the fresh ones. The balls on this woman. She probably complains at McDonald’s when the English muffin on her McMuffin isn’t perfectly aligned with the poached egg. I hope she’s no one’s girlfriend. Maybe she’s just a woman who knows what she wants? Or maybe she’s a cuntosaurus.

I bought a bottle of wine today for the first time in a long time. There was a prawn & salmon concoction in the fridge. It was delicious.

20171201_173514.jpg

The above picture is my attempt at appearing as a happy individual. How can someone eating prawns & salmon doused in garlic butter be discontent? The internet is showtime. A platform that allows for mere snippets of what one will allow others to see. How often do you see a picture of someone miserable at work or a video of someone waking up to an alarm clock at some ungodly hour?

The dog decided to take a shit in close proximity to where I was sitting. It may be a fool’s errand to ponder the precise reasons why she would do such a thing but if I had to guess it’s because she knows it’s pissing rain outside. Another possibility is that she wants to see how much she can get away with.

20171201_180106.jpg

Taken moments after the dumpage

On the 6 o’clock news one of the top stories was how the LGBTQIAAWKRP in Vancouver wants to ban uniformed police officers in the next pride parade. I find this to be aligned with the tactic of my dog taking a shit 2 feet away from me to see how much she can get away with.

Louis C.K. has been disgraced by his masturbation shenanigans. I realize it’s a serious issue but I can’t help but giggle because it’s Louis C.K. performing some obscene act. Donald Trump must be feeling superior with the small amount of backlash that he received with his “grab them by the pussy” comment.  Even the dirty standup comedians will not joke about the Louis C.K. situation. They’re too scared to ruin their careers.

When you’re buzzed on the internet there’s a high possibility that you will purchase something foolish.

ra,unisex_tshirt,x925,9ec0d5_0d26d5c715,front-c,217,190,210,230-bg,f8f8f8.lite-1u3

 

 

Unlikely Sources of Enlightenment

It’s easy to fall into negativity because it’s a survival mechanism. Having ambitions way past your current situation triggers a danger response. In the background there’s always a silent voice coercing you into doing the thing that has been known to get people by. You become your environment and the common environment is not very inspiring. If anything it’s depressing.

There’s inspirational/motivational/rational speeches and videos that are part of my routine although not my daily routine. I see them more as my religion than I do self-help or motivation.

As much as I believe in what they have to say, not being surrounded by others who believe what you do as deeply as you do diminishes the potential of the possibilities. Being the lone attendee at a powerful sermon does not make for a spiritual environment that lingers on. Instead, you might look around, see no one and think you’re a fool. Power in numbers.

There’s this guy on YouTube who looks like a meathead but has some inspiring videos. I watch one of his videos regularly and try to burn his words into my brain.

“…don’t complain about it, don’t whine about, don’t tell other people how destitute you are. You followed your heart. You own your heart and balls. Now eat the cake associated with it. That’s the problem. People want to follow their hearts but they also want the guarantee of the traditional path.”

“…you will be cast out, you will be a weirdo, you will be eccentric, it’s just the way of the heart. But it will be your way.”

“…the difference is that the traditional path has a ladder of success, you can look at it, go to college, get a career…which is no longer a reality. It’s a hope. It’s a wish. Get a pension plan, retire, blah blah blah. There’s a linear approach. When you start following your heart there’s no guarantee. You don’t know where that motherfucker is going to take you.”

It’s true. You don’t know where that motherfucker is going to take you.

Phone Culture

If I wasn’t getting a free meal and beer I might have been annoyed with the 3 of them at a pub all staring into their phones. Before smartphones you would have to entertain each other by saying something or doing something, sometimes almost forcibly. The phone appears to be a device to entertain yourself and if entertaining enough you say, “look at this.” After a second of acknowledgement the head comes back down. One was looking at shopping flyers while the other 2 were scrolling through social media or playing a game. If I had to guess though, this is something that happens more so with the younger generation.

I’ve recently been active on Twitter with the 18 people who I follow and my 2 followers. It’s possible half of my followers accidentally touched the follow button. With 18 people there’s more action than I can keep up with. Now it makes sense to me how people can have their faces in their phones all day, liking, tweeting, retweeting, scrolling. Some people follow hundreds of people and have hundreds of followers.

Twitter is just one platform. Many people also have Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat and maybe a few others. Most of life for some people is lived through their phones. It’s easy and constant entertainment.

Everyone is trying to participate to get some kind of validation with a witty one-liner, meme or a photo that they may or may not have taken themselves. A life fuelled by strangers. Guaranteed you’ll find someone out there to connect with, perhaps enough that you’ll give up doing it the old fashioned way.

 

 

5-Speed Fears

When we were young if you voluntarily chose to buy a car with an automatic transmission because you didn’t want to drive a manual transmission then you were considered a wuss. That’s the PG term. What you were really labelled as was a fucking pussy. Maybe I’m being extreme. Let’s just say you weren’t cool.

One of the worst fears of having to drive stick was the possibility of having your car stall which was directly related to your clutch action. I’m not sure why it was so embarrassing but if you stalled, people would shame you. It’s one of those things that can feel significant at the time but it’s so insignificant that it won’t be documented for future generations to read about. In the year 2178 all that they will know is that we drove our own vehicles at one time.

Another cause for anxiety was the thought of having to successfully get your car moving when stopped on a steep incline. What if you roll into the car behind you? What if you can’t do it? What if the ground is wet? Burnt clutch! Ahhhh!

I had an unease with the idea of learning to drive stick but I figured if small Asian women could do it then I don’t have an excuse. That statement might come off as misogynistic and racist but it was just the way I rationalized it. In those days I would look to take the chicken route in most situations unless if I felt I had no good excuse. If a small Asian woman has more balls than I do then I’m not even worthy enough to be called a pussy.

 

Daily Prompt: Clutch

About a Dog

A dog sitting on your lap is the same as having a naked hairy guy sit on your lap who doesn’t shower or ever wipe his ass. I probably have fecal matter all over my jeans.

The dog has 24/7 access to the yard through a doggy door but has a tendency to hold out until I take her for a walk. I know this because I can see the business almost coming out of her butt while we’re walking to the nearby park. I suspect she gets enjoyment seeing me pick up her mess. When someone is picking up your fresh poo all the time you know who is the boss. At the vet yesterday she decided to unload a hot turd in the middle of the reception area. Luckily, no one was there and it was a healthy turd that didn’t leave marks on the floor.

Over time she’s found ways to optimize her life around me. She probably brainstorms these ideas when she’s lounging in her bed for most of the day. What else does she have to do?

b1fe1be6-4164-49b4-ba9f-ae4653fa369d-1.jpg

It’s the bonus they give you when you let them upsell you

 

Cheap Technology and Being Cheap

20171105_121227-1.jpg

For the past 2 years I would look at this injured piece of technology and tell myself, it still works. Yesterday it stopped working. I’m not a bargaining type of guy but when it comes to used technology devices you’re paying for something that is dying. I found this one through Craigslist which was listed for $160 back in 2013. Since the ad had been listed for 30 days I figured the person would take $20 less, and he did. Him being a 5 minute drive away was another bonus.

Today I used my rebate to buy a newer version for almost the same price. It’s an older model and an open-box. I’m not blown away like I thought I would be. This model is 3 years newer so it should be able to grow wings and fly, right?

They say spoiling your kids is a bad thing but I might disagree. If you give them the finer things in life while they’re growing up you’ll set a standard for them. They won’t settle for working an average job because it won’t even afford them what they’ve been used to. I spent the first few years out of high school working a shitty job because it provided me with all these new experiences like gravy with my french fries and having more than $20 in my pocket. I’m lying, I didn’t start ordering gravy until a few months ago.

I’m cheap to myself. Owners and servers of restaurants hate my type.

“What would you like to drink?”

Water.

“Would you like cheese or bacon on your burger?”

No thanks.

“Gravy?”

Is it free?

I’ll go to a dollar store and think I might be able to find an item cheaper somewhere else.