Caloric Miser

For most people it seems that nothing gets done unless there are consequences. I spent many years trudging my unmotivated carcass for 8 hours a day at jobs I disliked doing. Even if I didn’t care much of getting fired the idea of going through that process was enough for me to carry on. Rather than have to sit in the hot seat it seemed easier to just continue on the escalator of misery.

The human mind is always calculating equations figuring out if it’s worth it or not for you to waste calories. It doesn’t know that calories are plentiful. It’s operating from a world 100,000 years ago when you would be desperate enough to drink a squirrel’s blood.

While you brush your teeth and notice your dirty bathroom sink your brain tries to tell you that it’s not dirty enough for you to waste 5 calories on. It won’t easily withdraw 5 calories until your sink is so gross you can no longer respect yourself or until you expect company over.

To get things done you need to get in the way of your brain. You need to remind yourself that it will only take 2 minutes to clean the bathroom sink. You used to spend 9 hours a day being occupied with far more laborious work…so what’s 2 minutes of light scrubbing? Then you close by threatening to call yourself a loser. That’s what I call Art of the Deal.



Is it Better or Just Different?

Almost everything we have today is more than what people dreamed about for most of human existence. If I could go back in time they would be oohing and awing at my tales of grilled cheese sandwiches. In my best ancient Sumerian I would summarize how I walk to this place called a supermarket where we buy food by picking what we want and lining up. Then I tell them how it’s not as great as it sounds because life gets really boring when you don’t think anyone is out to kill you.

“It’s really difficult to die,” I tell them. I go on by saying that some people even try to die but are unsuccessful. They tell me those people aren’t trying hard enough. I concur. If you fail at suicide it means you don’t want it badly enough.

At this point they are undecided on whether I’m from the future or just a nutjob but they’re infatuated with my great storytelling. When your best entertainment is flinging your own feces at each other you only need a minor gimmick to be the center of attention. I have to cut it short though because even in Mesopotamia no one likes a showoff.

As I transport back home I semi-conclude with the familiar notion that life is a game of the mind.


Useless Feelings

I take some solace in knowing that everyone will die one day and be quickly forgotten. Some like to think they’ll leave a lasting legacy not realizing that their grandchildren will see their photo on the wall and only think, I hope I don’t end up looking like that guy. That’s your legacy. Your perceived accomplishments will be as enviable as the stories of how people used to walk 5 miles to school. The younger generation will want to be nothing like you. They pity your life.

We live our life to cater to our future feelings which will die with us whether resolved or not. Feelings of guilt and regret do nothing except torment us. Perhaps they had significant utility in the past when we were in tribes but now they are just obsolete software features.

Life used to be your fitness. Now exercise is something you do so that you don’t look and feel so decrepit. Flavoured carbohydrates are plentiful and adequate. It’s not a coincidence that if you’re poor and uneducated you’re likely to suffer and die sooner. When the tipping point is near they’ll drop guns and potato chips on the streets and let us take care of ourselves. We’re present-day neanderthals unaware that our kind is due for extinction.



Finding Your Way

Knowing what you’re going to do in life and having found what you want to do can be two different things. I find it hard to believe that many young adults find what they want to do or how they want to live their life. Maybe just a year ago their mother was still packing their lunch and washing their underwear. A year later they’re expected to choose what they want to do for the rest of their life when they don’t even know anything about life or themselves.

Most people didn’t find anything, they just picked something. Other times they let life choose for them. In order to find something you need to go on a journey and that takes time. Every stage of boredom, depression, joy, doubt, is part of the process. They’re all clues to the mystery. Rather than hate yourself for those stages you should examine them more closely because they’re trying to tell you something. The sooner you face them the sooner you get to your destination.


The Reality of Life

There might be no rule book to life but it’s apparent to me now that your degree of success is dependent on your grasp of reality and your willingness to surrender to it.

I spent most of life wanting life to cater to how I wanted it to be not because I was convicted in my beliefs but because I was uncomfortable with the alternative. Hope and time was on my side, so I felt, which led me to do nothing much. The truth always was that if you want something you have to make it happen and there’s always some kind of risk associated with it. Hope is completely imaginary when there is nothing behind it.

Life hasn’t worked out for an abundance of people out there and many of them opt for the road of excuses. You can blame immigration, family or some other external factor but in all likelihood there was something in your timeline you could have easily improved. There’s excuses and then there’s what really happened. To be forgiving though, sometimes you just didn’t know any better.

If you bring a baseball bat to a hockey game you’re either going to fail or not even be allowed to play. You can be as stubborn as you like but it’s highly unlikely the rules are going to change in your favour. Keep bringing that baseball bat and you’ll keep failing.

I don’t know how things “should” be but I have a better idea how I’d like them to be, and then there’s how it is.

Unlikely Sources of Enlightenment

It’s easy to fall into negativity because it’s a survival mechanism. Having ambitions way past your current situation triggers a danger response. In the background there’s always a silent voice coercing you into doing the thing that has been known to get people by. You become your environment and the common environment is not very inspiring. If anything it’s depressing.

There’s inspirational/motivational/rational speeches and videos that are part of my routine although not my daily routine. I see them more as my religion than I do self-help or motivation.

As much as I believe in what they have to say, not being surrounded by others who believe what you do as deeply as you do diminishes the potential of the possibilities. Being the lone attendee at a powerful sermon does not make for a spiritual environment that lingers on. Instead, you might look around, see no one and think you’re a fool. Power in numbers.

There’s this guy on YouTube who looks like a meathead but has some inspiring videos. I watch one of his videos regularly and try to burn his words into my brain.

“…don’t complain about it, don’t whine about, don’t tell other people how destitute you are. You followed your heart. You own your heart and balls. Now eat the cake associated with it. That’s the problem. People want to follow their hearts but they also want the guarantee of the traditional path.”

“…you will be cast out, you will be a weirdo, you will be eccentric, it’s just the way of the heart. But it will be your way.”

“…the difference is that the traditional path has a ladder of success, you can look at it, go to college, get a career…which is no longer a reality. It’s a hope. It’s a wish. Get a pension plan, retire, blah blah blah. There’s a linear approach. When you start following your heart there’s no guarantee. You don’t know where that motherfucker is going to take you.”

It’s true. You don’t know where that motherfucker is going to take you.


How well you do in life and who you associate with comes down to what and how well you think. Whether your thoughts are rational or not, people won’t like you as much if you don’t think the same way they do. Life though, does not care if you think your beliefs are well-thought-out when they’re not because it will hand you what you deserve.

The term “think” is used as loosely as “good,” “bad” or “friend.” In order to claim that you think this or that, means that you should have at least thought about it. Many people do think but often only to the benefit to what makes them feel better. Not everyone thinks they are the smartest but they always tend to think that they’re right. People who are certified crazy think they are right just as often as anyone else. Some people are stronger than others and some think better than others but you can’t bash a person’s brains out with your words and claim victory. In the end they can just say, “we’ll have to agree to disagree.” Unless if you’re a certified expert in a field you won’t get any credibility for being more knowledgeable and thought-out in a particular subject than some chump off the street you’re arguing with.

I often avoid interactions longer than 5 minutes with some people because then I’ll probably have to hear what they “think.” The difference between conversing with a child versus an adult is the expectation. For some reason you expect someone’s thoughts are relative to their age. Thinking is like anything else…the less time you spend doing it effectively the more you’ll suck at it. All one needs to do to make themselves think that they are making sense is to create a weak idea that supports their theory and not challenge it.

When you’re accused of overthinking it could be because you’re overthinking or maybe that person just doesn’t like what you have to say. Everything can seem like overthinking to someone who doesn’t think. When you’re not thinking you’re blindly following.