There was a piece of dental floss stuck between my molars for 2 days that found its way out today. Of course I had to smell it and I guess of course it freaking reeked. It had been marinating in bacteria with the help of acidic saliva. It stunk so badly that I had to smell it multiple times. I suppose it’s similar to having a cotton ball stuck up your ass for 2 days — it’s going to stink really bad. The first thing I did after was brush my teeth and then rinsed with mouthwash. The second thing I did was walk to the supermarket to buy another bottle of mouthwash as I intend to use it regularly again.

The manager at the volunteer office emailed me today to inform me that I have reached 1000 hours of community service. Let’s see Jesus deny me entry through the pearly gates once I show him my credentials. I don’t think he can.

My recent behaviour is leading me to believe that I might give up on life sooner rather than later. There’s been an increase in consumption of microwavable frozen meals. At least with fast food I would have to make a trip and expend calories each time I wanted food. With MFMs I can stockpile them until the zombies come home and never have to venture out into the dangerous world for fuel for weeks. To add to this trend I have been contemplating supplementing with meal replacement drinks which don’t even need to be microwaved or chewed. What’s stopping me is that I don’t like the price for a 6-pack of Boost or Ensure. I believe it would be much cheaper if I just drink a glass of milk with a multi-vitamin.

Lately, I’ve been working but not working hard, on trying to not be such an ungrateful son of a bitch. People typically believe that they will be happy forever once they get what they think they want. In many unfortunate cases, people achieve their ‘dream’ by unknowingly signing their life away to a temporary high. Nothing will make you happy forever but many things can make you miserable forever. Hopefully, you like some of what you have, and if you don’t, hopefully you have a way out.

I like the following comment from a YouTube video:

I’m near their age. I’m 81 years old. One thing that brings you happiness in old age that is hard for a young person to understand, is however my life has played out, I got the chance. By the time you’re 81, you know dozens of people that died much younger, in their 30’s and 40’s and 50’s from accidents, suicide, rare diseases, you name it. So just by being alive still, my heart fills with gratefulness that I got at least 81 years to experience life. When I was young, I would have thought that sounded pathetic, to be so easily made happy that waking up and having chats, or reading the paper, or walking outside would fill me with joy. When you’re young, that’s never enough. You feel like you need to leave your mark and make a big name for yourself. But a funny thing happens as you age. You live long enough to see some people you know become big shots, became rich or famous in some way, but most aren’t made much happier by it, and some become lost when the notoriety fades. And then loving life for the small things starts to shift from feeling pathetic and small, to feeling wise and full. In fact, if life has taught me anything, it’s that the reason we’re here is to be present with the priviledge of each moment, as much as possible. Thinking about your goals tomorrow matter of course, and cherishing yesterday’s memories. But more than anything, I think what has kept me healthy and happy is appreciating the priviledge of each moment. When you’re a little kid, that’s how you think. You appreciate recess at school, or going down a sliding board, or a walk through the woods. DON’T LOSE THAT. That, whatever that is, is the reason we’re here. Being connected to small moments so strongly that they feel large. If you can do that well, you can enjoy being 80 as much as 40 or 20.

So, if there is an absence of a good reason to hate your life then don’t hate your life. If your life could easily be much worse then be thankful. Today may be as good as it gets. Something to remember when your mind starts spiraling towards negativity for no useful reason.

Friday Defeat

After eating a chocolate bar for dinner while laying in bed, I felt like such a loser I had to write about it. My previous meal to that was microwavable frozen macaroni & cheese. I just referred to the chocolate bar as a meal. I’m withholding additional information because I’m too embarrassed to reveal it publicly. My only redeeming action today was that I took Baby the dog to see an old lady who adores her. Baby doesn’t much like the elderly because they have dry and shaky hands.

While eating dinner in bed tonight, I was scrolling through this woman’s Twitter feed. She’s often griping about everything including her self-proclaimed shitty life. She’s in her 30s and poor. The future of this world could have a lot of her type roaming around. She hates capitalism and every 10 days or so she’ll ask strangers on Twitter for money.

“buy me a drink?”

“want to buy me breakfast?”

“I ran out of money. Anything would help.”

Every now and then I check out her Twitter feed mostly because it makes me feel better about my life. I’m less embarrassed to admit to this than the Doritos I ate after the macaroni & cheese. It may appear low of me to get good feelings from the misfortunes of others but it’s just another form of practicing gratitude. I wouldn’t get as much pleasure from this though if she wasn’t such a miserable human being who also blocked me on Twitter.

After seeing the many tweets from many Twitter users regarding not having money, I have concluded some thoughts:

  • Don’t not have money
  • If you don’t have money then you’re going to have to cut costs regardless of what you believe you’re entitled to

If you live in a developed country then chances are you have the opportunity to earn more than enough money. Often, it’s a matter of if your want for more money exceeds your desire for your present comfort. It’s a free country, you get to choose.

It’s been over 5 years since I quit my most recent full-time employment. Since then I could have studied and worked to be a certified plumber, as an example. You, also, could be a certified plumber who could charge someone almost anything when they take a giant shit and clog their toilet. “I bet you like taking shits. I’d bet even more that you would pay a lot of money to be able to do it again.” That’s how impolite you can be when you’re a plumber. “Pay me or forever hold your shit.”

Much of the woes that non-old people feel from their financial hardships are attributed to seeing the elders in their family spank the monkey their whole lives and be able to live a comfortable existence with a pension in the end. Life was really hard for a long time and then fairly easy and now not as easy. People have difficulties adjusting on the way down. So anyone want to buy me a chocolate bar?

Disclosure: The author owns shares of Twitter and laziness. The author may have also laid in bed for 3 hours after waking up in the morning.

Food and Thought

On a YouTube video, an ex-prisoner stated that the #1 thing that prisoners miss most is not a fleshy bodily organ around their penis but instead, food. On a TV show some guy had a plate of French toast in front of him which made me want a plate of French toast in front of me. That was a few days ago. Ten minutes previously from the time of writing this post, I ate French toast that I prepared. Maslow’s hierarchy of prisoner needs has shelter and French toast on top while #2 is raping men once adequate energy is consumed.

On the way home, the radio had a show talking about all the consumer goods that get washed up onto shore from natural and man made disasters. The economy and people’s lives depend on everyone buying stuff they don’t need so that people have jobs manufacturing and selling stuff people don’t need.

A good way to hate your life is to figuratively sign it away to something or something that was probably never going to work out very well. My former housemate is an intentional conman who was able to con his way in to marrying a doctor. You can escape your way out of marriage fairly easily but she signed a new lease by having a child with him. She met him when she was 18 years old so she attached herself well before she could be of an age when she could be aware that losers usually don’t change. They had broken up for a while which was when I should have told her that he once had a plan to have his dogs euthanized if he wasn’t able to locate a dogsitter for the time he would be away in another country for vacation. My guess is that if he couldn’t find a dogsitter then his family wouldn’t allow him to join in on the trip with them. Years later when I accused him of the situation, he acted as if I made it all up. He may have that special ability some people have to block out information that does not agree with them. Some people call this being fucked in the head. Having the dogs being on a possible death row I ended up offering to take them in. He’s a good guy though because he believes in Jesus and has a cross tattooed on his arm.

Life is constructed in a manner in which it requires an abundance of time and effort to accomplish a goal but only one day to have it all fall apart. Evolution favours the people who persist and don’t screw up. A giant blunder will have you sitting in the corner for the rest of your life. I will leave you with some wise words:

  • Have money so that you can tell people and certain parts of life to get lost.
  • Don’t allow parasitic humans in your life
  • Don’t tell yourself it is or will be okay when you know it is probably not the case

It’s not a coincidence that I know so many deficient human beings. If I associated with them, what does it say about my past self? The statistics and literature do not favour the demographic of people who attained bad grades, dropped out of high school, involved themselves in criminal activity. There are some people I know who did not fall into this demographic but were still deeply associated with them. They’re not any better as much as they would like to believe they are. Their deficiencies are more easily masked by an appearance that the masses do not think to scrutinize.

Con Artist

At the nearby park the other day I bumped into a couple who I know from being fellow dog owners in the neighbourhood. They brought up the idea of having me care for their dog if they both pass away at an age before 60. It sounded like a conversation of shits & giggles but they sounded more serious as the discussion progressed. They started talking about putting me in their will and it sounded like they were planning to give me everything they own if I agreed to care for their dog in case they both simultaneously died in a mass shooting or car accident.

“You’re the only person we would trust with our dog,” they said.

Ummm…okay. Am I the world’s greatest con man? I had entertained the idea that some of the seniors who I volunteer to help would stick it to their kids and will me their possessions but I never imagined this couple would beat them to it. Life is funny in that way. A lifelong cigarette smoker fears they will die from lung cancer but they could end up dying from choking on a piece of broccoli.


  1. I’m the world’s greatest unintentional con man
  2. Everyone they’ve known in the last 50 years is an asshole

The two of them dying before the dog is unlikely but not crazy. They both have had serious health issues, both requiring major surgery. A mass shooting while they are shopping at Walmart is unlikely but now they have given someone incentive to have them disappear prematurely while ensuring the dog remains alive. I may or may not have watched the film, Leon The Professional, more than a few times.There’s also the possibility that when one dies the other dies soon after due to heartbreak.

It’s very possible that a higher power has secretly anointed me as a Chosen One. I’ve always felt that I was more special than others. It’s a reasonable explanation given the situation. In my biography it will read, “Mr Johnson credits his good fortune to having read the book, How To Win Friends & Influence People.

Shopping and Selling Shopping

I saw a Poshmark commercial on TV today and it reminded me of their stock that had gone public not too long ago. I find the idea of an app that allows you to sell used clothing slightly interesting but I’m not totally sold on the idea. What I might be missing though is that I’m not a female so it doesn’t necessarily matter what I think since it’s highly likely it will be a mostly female dominated platform. I downloaded the app and listed an item for sale to familiarize myself with the platform. The most interesting aspect of it to me so far is that unlike eBay, Poshmark takes care of some of the shipping details. They charge a flat rate to the buyer and the seller is responsible for packaging and taking it to the post office. The buyer has 3 days from receiving the item to complain about the possible shit stain on the scarf you sent them to possibly get a refund. From what I understand, Poshmark will pay for the return shipping if it is agreed that you were sold a shit stain scarf. And of course they have a social media aspect to it where you can “like” and do other community oriented actions. It seems as though eBay and Craigslist are having their market share nibbled on by services that offer a more targeted experience. But Craigslist is free and always a good local option.

On the topic of shopping, I bought a kettlebell today from a discount store. The idea is that I’ll use it while watching TV or when I’m outside at the front of my home looking like a strange person standing in front of his home. Let me tell you, symmetrical objects made of metal with no moving parts are not cheap. As a conscious shopper I quickly browsed the prices of 15 lb handheld metal objects sold at reputable retailers.

You might be asking, “are you sure that’s the price of a single one and not a pair?” Everything tells me they’re priced as singles except the price. As for my purchase price, $34.99 which is still too damn expensive but what do I know about metal prices and manufacturing of metal objects.

Same name brand as the one above!

I had always wanted to buy shares of TJX, the parent company of the discount store, but it was always expensive to me. During the pandemic I had a chance to buy at depressed prices which I did but I quickly sold for a small profit. My thought was, do I really want to own shares of a business that has its doors closed during the pandemic? The answer was no but I guess it should have been yes because the stock just kept going up.

Lesson #1: The stock market does not care what you think.

During the drive home I thought about how the rich people build shopping malls to entice us to give them our money for things we don’t need so that we can spend our days working for them to perpetuate the cycle. The common person is just a transfer vehicle of money for the rich. Often, this leads to health issues and poverty. You go to the mall to get fatter, poorer but never better. In the case of my kettlebell, I can claim it has the potential to produce health benefits but I could have just found a plastic jug and filled it with small rocks.

Covid Complacency, Probiotics, Cryptocurrency

The other day as I was making my way to the bathroom to brush my teeth I realized that another benefit of mandatory masks is that there is one less reason to brush your teeth. You can also get away with not trimming your nose hairs. I hope this virus never goes away.

I’ve been on the hunt for probiotic foods which led me to wonder if pickles are a good source. Apparently, most pickled vegetables do not contain probiotics because they’re soaked in vinegar or other probiotic-killing ingredients. Don’t believe anything you read here because my research sucks. There’s overwhelming evidence that a healthy gut is very important for mind and body health. There’s also evidence that if an individual is concerned with their probiotic intake it is an indication they’re not suicidal. I may try kim chi or stick with kefir.

Bitcoin is at $60,000 USD tonight. It was $3000 in March 2020. The kid at the liquor store has had a position at a much lower price than the current price. Maybe he should be mentoring me. A couple of months ago he told me he started to deploy funds from his line of credit to buy more bitcoin at a time when the price was in the $35,000 range. He opened the line of credit from my advice after I concluded that he was responsible with credit. He said he had never had an issue with credit card debt. He also had never been invested in bitcoin either and had it wildly appreciate.

Euphoria does things to people. It’s like never having a female kiss you and one day one comes along and touches your genitals — that’s checkmate. In this case, bitcoin is the female. My response to him was that he doesn’t need to invest with credit in such a risky asset class since he already has money invested at lower prices already. His response was, “but it’s a good idea because the percentage I’ll gain from bitcoin will be much higher than the interest on my credit. Bitcoin isn’t risky.” We had a long discussion about risk and the bad feelings that come along with it when it doesn’t go your way. Risk can be like when you share a prison cell with a midget and think he can’t rape you with his midget strength and penis. One night you decide to sleep on your front and he ends up on top of you owning you with his jujitsu skills and third leg. And then, it hits you, it all becomes clear why his nickname is, Tripod. Risk is what you don’t know.

But hey, he’s young and there is a possibility that bitcoin reaches $1 million. He’s not doing anything else with his life right now and has no other plans so this may be his best bet considering the situation. An old guy in the neighbourhood said, “I think bitcoin is overvalued.” I replied that anyone who is not invested in it thinks it is overvalued. I can see bitcoin being comparable to Napster, the first popular music sharing platform. Since Napster there have been many file sharing services but now the the streaming industry has evolved and has been legitimized and improved by platforms such as Apple Music, Netflix, YouTube and Spotify. Bitcoin makes sense but maybe it’s just cryptocurrency in its experimental phase. Often, with technology, something better comes along.

Although I haven’t been playing Tetris as much as the first couple of days of being reintroduced to it, I cannot get the theme song out of my head. The reason I haven’t been as motivated to play it is the same reason why drugs stop feeling as good after prolonged use. You’re always trying to relive the initial highs but once you realize it’s out of reach you’re no longer participating to get high, you’re just doing it to not feel so low. Now that a new high score in Tetris seems less likely, the negative side effects of strained eye balls and fingers are less tolerable.

Several years ago I wrote a post on how my coworkers at the time all cheered the head manager at a meeting when he discredited the possibility of delivery drones would one day replace the parcel delivery drivers. Maybe he’s right since it’s possible the self-driving vehicles will replace them first. Some of them might agree but in all likelihood they conveniently believe this won’t happen until they have reached retirement age. It would not surprise me if they start rolling out autonomous delivery vehicles in 5 years. I would be surprised if it doesn’t happen by 10 years. There’s great reasons to replace some of those ungrateful schmucks. People get sick, injured and milk the time off and compensation for as long as possible. I’m going to stop right there because I just realized how long the list of reasons would be. There’s a quote I came across, “If you need to be trained to do your job then a machine is going to replace you.” Right now you are telling yourself that a machine can’t possibly do your job.

There’s a guy who volunteers with the same organization as I do and we both recently discovered that we enjoy talking to each other. If he was a woman I would date him if she wasn’t as ugly as he is. We’re both not hard working, invest in stocks and enjoy talking about life. He told me last time that him and his wife have spoken about divorce twice in the past but never went through with it. He said, “if the subject comes up again I’m just going to do it.” I don’t think he will anytime soon because it’s too much of a hassle when you have assets and children while not having any great options.

There’s a positive side to almost everything. Mandatory masks allows you to go anywhere without being recognized which means you can do stupid stuff and no one will ever know it’s you. If you wear a mask, sunglasses and a hat, there’s almost a 0% chance that anyone will recognize you unless if you walk funny or have a very disproportionate sized body part. Everyone will be vaccinated by the end of the year so you might have about 12 months to wear your mask without looking weird.

Eventual Dullness

My WordPress “reader” has become a barren screen of blog posts where the most recent ones are days old. For several years, WordPress was the first app I opened in the morning but now it ranks behind Twitter, my stock market app and probably even CNBC.

Bloggers usually end their blogging life somewhere between 3 days and a few years. I get nostalgic when thinking about the connections that I had with bloggers even if it was only a few interactions. Often, the interactions were more meaningful than real life ones. But, people move on and I’m at best just a digital memory from the past. It makes me quite sad that I’ll probably never hear from any of them again. If I have to be rational, I would have to bet that one day you will also be gone.

It’s my belief that WordPress has made finding connections more difficult by removing the Daily Prompt and Hot Tags from their site. Is there much effectiveness in tagging your posts anymore?How do people even search for blogs to read now? And how does WordPress decide what to present to you? Commenting on other people’s blogs was also a good way to connect with other bloggers but I haven’t been doing much of that.

After 8 years I’m still here writing regularly enough which makes me wonder why that is. Perhaps I don’t have enough of a life? Perhaps I would have more to write if I had more of a life? The reasons longtime bloggers quit blogging are probably many. My guess is that they no longer want to share their life online, found something better to do or just don’t want to do it anymore.

As a kid when I lived with Uncle Bill, I thought nothing of the mundaneness 5 days a week that he walked out of the door at 7 AM to go to his job, came home at 5:30 PM, ate dinner and sat in his recliner watching TV from 6-11 PM. Weekends weren’t exciting either when he would look for something to fix around the house and then sat in his recliner for just as long as the weeknights. I didn’t think of his life as bad or good. I just thought of it as life and when I grew up I was going to do something similar minus the 3 packs of cigarettes a day and not wearing underwear.

Why do I have a problem with the idea of spending the rest of my life watching TV/screens? Every adult that I knew when I was growing up did just that. They went to work, came home, ate something and watched TV. In the summer they might have watered the plants or grass and viewed it as their version of going out. Going out for Uncle Bill was driving 10 minutes to a restaurant where him and 2 or 3 other single men sat around, smoked cigarettes, drank coffee and talked shit. I’m not sure what single guys in their 50s have to talk about every week. I guess having a beard and a hairy chest does not exclude you from the loneliness all humans feel.

“There is a time when one must decide either to risk everything to fulfill one’s dreams or sit for the rest of one’s life in the backyard.” 

Life, Sleep, Generation of Pussies

My recent purchases of a stationary exercise bike, running/walking shoes and a book, signifies that I’m nowhere close to being suicidal which is positive. Even more encouraging is that I have been using them for their intended uses except the book which is still in the box. I also purchased a pair of training shoes which are supposed to be used in a gym where I don’t yet have a membership to but believe I will one day again after this coronarona shit is mostly done with.

I’ve recently been made aware that my old friends think that I’m “weird.” They “think” this because I no longer wanted to associate with them. If you walk into a church and say, “Jesus isn’t real,” everyone in there will think that you’re weird. My old friends need to re-evaluate the rationality of their perceived normal life decisions.

All of this proclivity towards exercising isn’t for weight loss but instead for sleep gain. Some expert on TV today said that exercising in the morning and then sitting at your desk all day isn’t sufficient for a healthy lifestyle. From experience, I’ll add that it also isn’t enough to give you good sleep. At my former job when I was out all day delivering parcels and moving boxes like it was wartime I had no issues with quality sleep. If I went out for dinner after a day of work I would be at the table and think to myself, “holy crap I’m tired.” How am I supposed replicate so much effort when I’m not forced to? I might have to hang out at the playground all day and do calisthenics.

Our current civilization’s lack of need for physical effort might be a testament to the inevitable obsolescence of humans. So much of what humans need to be happy and healthy has become a challenge to attain compared to most of history. Vitamin D, exercise and probiotics are lacking in the lives of many who are supposedly living in the most advanced time in history. Excitement, purpose, health, has been sacrificed for safety and comfort. Perhaps the risk is just in our minds.

My younger cousin would like a new career path, but like many, he doesn’t know what to pick.

“How about a plumber?”

“Ewww gross,” he says. Understandable. I only suggested being a plumber because I know I’ll need one in the future.


“Ummm, I don’t want to risk my life.”

Also understandable. I knew he wouldn’t go for it. I just wanted to hear what he would say.

Basically, he wants to get paid well for being entertained by his phone while taking a shit but only if he’s promised a heated toilet seat. Also basically, like many people from the boomer generation and beyond, most of us don’t want to pick an occupation that brings discomfort to the mind which are all occupations that are potentially rewarding. There’s this little thing in our head that whispers to us, “maybe I can get by through life without unnecessary discomfort and still be happy.” There’s no real urgency to decide on a path in life so people often do nothing and let life decide for them. Deciding early on and picking wrong doesn’t seem to be much better either. I suspect that our avoidance of discomfort stems from never having developed to be comfortable with discomfort.

“It is better to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war.”

Wise Tweets Part II

No Persons are more frequently wrong than those who will not admit they are wrong.”
-Francois de La Rochefoucauld

We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.

Teach thy tongue to say, “I don’t know,” and thous shalt progress.

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.
-Lao Tzu

I don’t care how rich you are. I don’t care whether you’re a top Wall Street banker. If somebody has to tell you when to be at work, what to wear and how to behave, you’re not a free person. You’re not actually rich.

Truth never penetrates an unwilling mind.
-Jorge Luis Borges

Be convinced that to be happy means to be free and that to be free means to be brave.

Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.
-Oscar Wilde

Excellence is never an accident. It is always the result of high intention, sincere effort, and intelligent execution.

Most people don’t want freedom. They want security.
They don’t want choices. They want directions.
-Ed Latimore

Lower your expectations of others. Raise the expectations of yourself.
-Shane Parrish

A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it.
-Albert Einstein

The world will ask you who you are, and if you don’t know, the world will tell you.
-Carl Jung

If you want to know who controls you, look at who you are not allowed to criticize.

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.