Don’t Try This At Home

I just watched a YouTube video of Stevie Nicks talking about all the cocaine she used to snort. It triggered me to go into my drawer of drugs and crush some MDMA. I hate snorting it but if I take it orally I have to wait to get high and the effects are longer. Plus the next day is a drag.

Once I snorted it I remembered why I hardly ever do it. IT HURTS. Also, I have this worry in the back of my head that one day I’ll have a hole up in my nose. The other option is to call someone to deliver some cocaine to me which I’ve never done because I believe once I pay for it I’m crossing a line.

The other day I sat with my friend in his automobile who delivers party drugs to people. Man, you would have no idea who is snorting cocaine and who is not just by looking at them.

“That guy has a wife and kids?”

To give you an idea what kind of drug user I am, the MDMA I just took was from a small batch my friend gave me in 2013. So ya, I’m quite controlled.

Blogging has taken a backseat to, ummm, nothing really. It’s not that I’m too busy. I haven’t figured out why I haven’t been writing. I want to I just don’t feel the strong desire to pound out my thoughts. I think money has made me soft.

All I think about is the stock market which might be a good thing. Finally, there’s something I’m deeply interested in that can generate lots of money. More than a few years ago I unknowingly started on a path that was training me to be proficient in investing in stocks. I became obsessed with the truth, critical thinking and being rational My emotions are no longer in the driver’s seat of my actions. Making money in the stock market is simple but not easy. I have a fitting temperament for it.

Tomorrow is a holiday. In my past life as a miserable working stiff I used to worship these days. Vacations were God and statutory holidays were the son of God. Now I hate holidays and weekends because it means the markets are closed — a complete 180.

When you’re a kid you would never think you could grow up to be someone who fears having a hole up their nose.

 

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Hooky Friend

The other day I was walking by the lottery ticket booth at the supermarket when someone caught my eye. I did a double take at who I thought to be an old high school friend. I’m mostly certain it was him. We locked eyes at one point and as he looked away I got the sense that he felt ashamed.

To keep some degree of confidentiality we’ll call this old friend, Fuckface, or maybe we’ll just call him Dave. We met when we were 13 years old the same way many losers meet. Our commonality was skipping school. Sooner or later you’re going to end up meeting other hooky players.

Dave was kind of messed in the head. One day he would be more than glad to buy you a free meal and the next day he would try to start a fight with you. After high school which I doubt he completed, the rumour was that he was on heroin. It may have just been a rumour. People like to propagate a fake interesting story than a boring one.

If I had to guess he’s not presently on heroin. If I had to guess he still has at least a slight gambling problem. If I had to guess he recognized me but may have been too ashamed to talk about his life with me. Why didn’t I try to talk to him? I don’t know. It was one of those split second decisions. I was walking so I just kept walking.

Do Nothing or Something

As I arrive there’s 4 teenagers leaving piano class. I’m about 25 years older than them and they’re about 8 years ahead of me in piano if I study as hard as they have so they’re probably more like 20 years ahead of me. If they achieve nothing else in life for the next 25 years they would still be more accomplished in life than I am today. When time moves forward but your skills stay the same the best case scenario is that you might become a wise loser. 

Tina is a good looking 13-year-old Asian girl who also takes ballet. Her parents pick her up in a new BMW. For her to lose to me in life she would need to get a crystal meth addiction and get pregnant by some guy like me. She’d probably still find a way to pull through. More likely though, she’ll graduate from university and marry a doctor or at least some guy with a boring, stable career. She’ll have kids and scare them into studying hard or else they might end up like that guy(me). That guy will try to get her daughter addicted to meth and get her pregnant.

For some people, maybe myself included, doing nothing for your first 30 years of life might be recommended. Guys like me usually screw up really badly somewhere between the ages of 16 and 30, so badly that there’s no recovering. How can thee screw up? Let me count the ways. Many guys I know have either received criminal records, death, drug addiction or deep financial debt. Some others who I know think they are successful but in reality they may have handcuffed themselves to imminent failure. In some circles the one who doesn’t screw up is considered successful.

Considering the Future

A few years ago there was a blogger who fake liked enormous amounts of blog posts including mine. She garnered a big following and decided one day that it might be a good idea to write a post trying to solicit money using GoFundMe to help pay for her master’s degree. She ended up deleting the post and was never heard from again.

I’ve been liquidating the risk from my pension investment portfolio so that I won’t have to lie in the future to gently steal funds from you good people. I also call this portfolio my ‘anti-suicide fund.’ The rules indicate that I cannot withdraw any money from this fund until I’m 55 years old. If I know I have a significant amount of money waiting for me then it greatly reduces the chances of me enacting the dark version of Freedom 55.

There comes a certain age when a person feels they are too old to start over but also too young to make it to retirement. This can be a partial reason why it’s strongly advised to not quit your job after a certain age. Throwing caution to the wind can sometimes leave you in the eye of a shit hurricane.

Pizza Pizza

There’s this habit I have of laying in bed for a minimum of 2 hours after I wake in the morning. Technological devices make it really easy to do so. Soon humans will evolve to be a species needing only a head and one hand. They’ll call us Homo Stephen Hawking.

A headline of an article stated that light is just as important as darkness when it comes to good sleep. It being a blue sky day I decided to walk to the strip mall to buy pizza. The original plan was to buy ready-to-eat pizza by the slice but the plan changed when the supermarket was offering a whole frozen pizza for $3. I bought some mushrooms to throw on because all pizzas are skimpy on their toppings. I wonder how many homeless people would be dead if it were not for $1 slice pizzerias.

Many years ago my friend’s sister decided to live on the street when she was a teenager. At the time we all believed there was something wrong with her. If I had to guess now I would say it was more of an issue with parenting and home life. The story is not ending well for any member of that family.

 

 

Living the Dream

A woman I know once called me a, “dreamer.” At the time I thought it was a semi-compliment because I wasn’t aware of the meaning. It was more likely meant to be a polite insult.

Dreamer:

person who lives in a world of fantasy; one who is impractical and unrealistic.

a person who spends a lot of time thinking about or planning enjoyable events that are not likely to happen

The only enjoyable event I preached was not having to work an unenjoyable job full-time but still be able to live an enjoyable life or at least not a miserable one. Maybe I wasn’t so much a dreamer as much as others were unimaginative and fearful. A chihuahua thinks a human dwarf is tall.

How you accept your goals and circumstances in life is highly dependent on what you think is realistic for yourself and how badly you feel the need to not be left out. It sounds adolescent but trends don’t end they just change. The only difference is that you can throw away last season’s jeans and move on but you’re stuck when you handcuff yourself to adult misery. You can laugh at old pictures of yourself but serving a life sentence in your own version of prison is no joke.

If you’re not dreaming you’re following.

 

 

 

Snow Day

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After having only seen mild temperatures this winter we had our first snowfall 2 days ago. The snow removal budget is about the 10th of most other large Canadian cities which ensures chaos on the roads when it does snow. Where I live it snows most years but some of those years it’s very light snow. With a limited budget the city’s game plan is to sometimes do nothing hoping that it will rain.

Being the good person that I am I’ve been shovelling a neighhour’s sidewalk because he’s old and I have good reason to believe he’s not doing so well. My true intention for telling you this is to show you how much of a better person I am than you. It’s not your fault. Some people are just better than others.

A 90-year-old in the neighbourhood phoned me this morning to ask if I would be going by the liquor store. She wanted a 1.7 litre bottle of vodka. She likes to have a cocktail before dinner, she says. I wanted to get out of the house so I took a walk to the liquor store. Upon delivery she tipped me $10 because I’m a good person. I initially refused but if it makes her feel better I’ll take it. When you’re as old as she is you can almost get anything you ask for. She told me how her doctor came to her home to give her eye drops and how a fireman came to install her fire alarm for no charge.

When people shovel their sidewalks or mow their lawns they always do a bit of the home next to them so they don’t look like a loser. It’s never an inch or 2 it has to be at least a foot into their property. There’s some people in this neighbourhood who aren’t as good as I am. They don’t shovel their sidewalk and they probably don’t deliver big bottles of alcohol to old ladies. If I don’t get in to heaven then it’s a good indication it’s all bullshit.