Thinking

How well you do in life and who you associate with comes down to what and how well you think. Whether your thoughts are rational or not, people won’t like you as much if you don’t think the same way they do. Life though, does not care if you think your beliefs are well-thought-out when they’re not because it will hand you what you deserve.

The term “think” is used as loosely as “good,” “bad” or “friend.” In order to claim that you think this or that, means that you should have at least thought about it. Many people do think but often only to the benefit to what makes them feel better. Not everyone thinks they are the smartest but they always tend to think that they’re right. People who are certified crazy think they are right just as often as anyone else. Some people are stronger than others and some think better than others but you can’t bash a person’s brains out with your words and claim victory. In the end they can just say, “we’ll have to agree to disagree.” Unless if you’re a certified expert in a field you won’t get any credibility for being more knowledgeable and thought-out in a particular subject than some chump off the street you’re arguing with.

I often avoid interactions longer than 5 minutes with some people because then I’ll probably have to hear what they “think.” The difference between conversing with a child versus an adult is the expectation. For some reason you expect someone’s thoughts are relative to their age. Thinking is like anything else…the less time you spend doing it effectively the more you’ll suck at it. All one needs to do to make themselves think that they are making sense is to create a weak idea that supports their theory and not challenge it.

When you’re accused of overthinking it could be because you’re overthinking or maybe that person just doesn’t like what you have to say. Everything can seem like overthinking to someone who doesn’t think. When you’re not thinking you’re blindly following.

 

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Tales and Thoughts

A house across the street recently had solar panels installed on the roof. The idea of it is pretty rad. Is there an impending apocalypse that I should be aware of? Whether it’s to save money or not it would be cool to have mostly because hardly anyone has it. I’m sure the owners of this house will be having the same conversation with everyone in the neighbourhood for the next 2 years. A bunch of people will talk like they’re interested in installing solar panels on their roof but really aren’t.

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When I see people working certain jobs or maybe any job, I picture myself doing it and think, no way. Maybe for a day but not full-time. Then I think what’s going on in their heads that’s not happening in mine. I remember a time when I would be ecstatic with working any type of job for any amount of hours as long as I thought it paid okay. I try to go back in my head during those times to capture the reasons why the hamster was running that wheel.

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In 2012 a salesman convinced me to buy a 4 year warranty for an aftermarket car stereo I purchased. The hook was that if I didn’t end up using the warranty I could use it towards another purchase. The sneaky part was that I would have to remember to register my unused warranty in 4 years and would only have 1 month to do so. I made a mental note of it and came out victorious. I held that memory better than a grudge. The other thing that these commissioned sales people don’t tell you is that you have to make a purchase double the amount of your warranty cost.

There’s not much in the form of electronics that interests me much these days. In the store the salesman kept firing off products until one connected.

“A new TV? Home theatre? TV mount?…….Home security cameras?”

Security cameras seemed kind of cool. Maybe I’ll catch someone not picking up their dog’s crap on my lawn or someone stealing parcels. I didn’t end up getting anything yet. I wish they sold underwear or socks.

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Live Post at the Pub.

My unemployed colleague has just left the pub leaving me alone with my half a pint. It’s almost 3 PM, eight people including myself are occupying the pub. 

Minus 2. The couple of cougars are leaving after spending an unknown amount on lottery tickets for the last 2 hours. 

A lone man calls for “another.” The guy 3 seats from him around the bar is a regular. I see him here every time I pass by. He’s on at least his 4th pint. He’s neatly groomed with clean, well-fitting clothes. He doesn’t look like a loser.

A table of 2 other men appear to have just finished their shift of laborious work. One of the guys is using a flip phone. They don’t look like winners. That could be my future.

Baseball playoffs on TV is the main attraction today. One could use that as the excuse to sit around and drink beer all day. 

I’m the only Asian guy here as usual. All the other Asians are working or studying. No one ever imagined their life to be where it is. It’s always worse or better.

Two Years of “Unemployment”

“If you’ve got nothing worth dying for, you’ve got nothing worth living for.”

While others are going about with the regular life or finishing up, I’m at a loss or unmotivated with what to do on most days. The motivation to pop out of bed or to perform the usual morning rituals doesn’t exist. The lack of drive to devote a life to working a job or catering to other people forces your imagination to work overtime.

The consensus of my thoughts is that people are psychologically surviving off the momentum of their beliefs that may have been running on fumes for the last decade. But then again what do I know about what goes on in other people’s heads because they definitely don’t know what’s going on in mine.

As much as I hated working a full-time job it fueled a dream that I would one day make an exit. Now I have nothing left to quit. To look at this situation positively my life can now be directed towards building instead of demolishing.

After 2 years of not having a typical job I still have zero ambition to find regular full-time employment. This might be due to the fact that I have been “making” tax free money through the stock market. Some may be disgusted with me dodging taxes even if it’s legal but in the words of the great Donald Trump, that makes me smart.

There’s significantly more money in the bank account than there was when I quit my job but surprise surprise, money alone does not make you happy. I was happier the first year after I quit my job than I am today. The detoxification from the daily grind was enough for my spirits to live off.

The initial significant gain from the stock market the following year produced euphoria and feelings of hope similar to when the first time anything happens in your life. The high has worn off and I’m back to my baseline happiness which is discontentment. I’m going to need a much larger dose to replicate that high. Like a bad drug habit I think the highs and lows of the stock market have messed with my brain. Still, it’s better than grinding it out at a job 5 days a week plus I’ve learned a new skill that will probably be practical for the rest of my life.

I’m waiting for the day when I’m convinced that the future is going to be mostly rosy. A cloud of anxiety follows me on most days punishing me with fears of perpetual discontent, and I’m not enlightened or dumb enough to vanquish them.

How can I not have some faith though since unexpected fortunate circumstances have  occurred in a situation when most people would have written me off. Hopelessness comes from the perception of what you believe to be true. Imagination and faith keep the lights on.

 

 

 

 

 

Ode to Dog

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Before I moved in here the dog was living a borderline rescue dog life. She was alone 14 hours of the day and in darkness for half of those hours during the winter months. The lowest point was when my mother was keeping her in the bathroom for the whole time while she was at work. She didn’t want her pooing or peeing on the carpet. I suppose if your bloodline is only one generation away from when they ate dogs then locking them in a bathroom might not seem so deplorable. Also, this somewhat recently purchased 35-year-old rancher might be seen by some people as a starter home but she sees it as her dream home. Living your first 50 years in poverty gives you a different perspective on everything.

The relationship I formed with the dog was gradual and unintentional. Slowly I began optimizing her lifestyle by changing her diet, going for walks, brushing her teeth daily and wiping the snot from her eyes multiple times throughout the day. I retrained her to go do her business outside in the yard instead of on those pee pads. Rather than being a pain in the ass, washing her feet after a walk or cleaning her butt has just become something I have to do.

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I discovered there was a doggy door already installed that was hidden behind a shoe rack. It’s possible that it was used as a cat door in the past. It took some training to get her to use it but now she uses it like a pro. It’s probably enriched her life tenfold. I’m praying no raccoons will ever find their way through there.

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For most of my life there was always a dog wherever I was living but I never had the intention to care for them. Somewhere along the line I decided I was going to with this one. Perhaps it has something to do with the stage of life I am in now or maybe I was trying to fill a void. It becomes a whole new experience though when you care for a dog instead of just owning one. I believe it can make you kinder person.

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This is when I say, “look at you you’re all tucked in.”

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Breakfast beside bed

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On the Way Home

Almost $6 for a small decaf Americano and a giant cookie. My new thing is going to this coffee place to read. At these prices I have to take up their space for at least an hour to get my money’s worth.

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During the walk home I saw a yard sale sign and checked it out. Ooooh…this is cool!

“How much?”

She quickly ran into the house to check the internet to see if it was “worth anything.” Once she was convinced it wasn’t going to get her 100 manic eBay bidders she offered it to me for $3. I gave her $4($2 coins) and she didn’t give me any change. I yelled profanities at her and sliced her throat open with the jagged record.

On the way home I decided to stop by an old lady’s home to say hi. She heard of Orson Welles but not of the radio broadcast. She asked if I wanted to play it. I asked if she wanted to listen to it. She said, “not really.” She told me an old person story like how old people usually do and then I left.

On the way home again I saw another yard sale sign and went to investigate. By the time I arrived they were packing up. A middle-aged man with an English accent said, “hey, is that the recording that scared the shit out of everybody?” He too thought the LP might be worth some money but I informed him that it probably wasn’t worth shit. His 3 friends had never heard of it. One of them tried to sell me on a free wooden entertainment center that he couldn’t give away during the entire day. People would rather accept a bag of dog shit because at least it’s easy to get rid of.

On the way home again I bumped into the an old guy that lives across the street from me. I’m not sure if he even recognized me. When he did recognize me in the past he would call me, Justin. My name isn’t Justin but I’m open to change. Sure, I can be Justin. He also never heard of this War of the Worlds. He took out his reading glasses and read aloud the synopsis. “People are gullible,” he said.

My conclusion is that this War of the Worlds is not as well-known as I thought.

 

Non-active Gym Membership

When doing the math, $4.99 plus tax every 2 weeks on a 1 year commitment could only be so bad. I suspect this gym had the same idea. A week after I signed up for the gym membership I crashed my car which resulted in a total loss. I walked to the gym a few times after but eventually gave it up. Now I’m the best type of customer that they have…one who pays but never goes. The bad customers take up space, stink up the place and contribute to wear and tear of the equipment. They should throw customer appreciation parties for customers like me.

It’s a classic case of human behaviour. Optimism is at its highest when an idea is just an idea. People often rationalize the high likelihood that they will commit. Everything works in theory. Once the idea requires physical effort it no longer seems like such a good idea. Now you rationalize ways on how it’s okay to stop going and how the money that will be wasted isn’t that much. You tell yourself that walking your dog is plenty of exercise and the money wasted is only half of what you received for Christmas. I’d like to see the stats of active memberships versus non-active. I’m sure it’s part of the business plan.

There’s a reason why businesses make you sign contracts. They know that people are losers and will often fall into the trap of convenience and laziness. When video stores were around they thrived on late fees. People would often put off returning videos until the last day and when that day came they forgot or their house burned down. With enough life experience you start to say “no” to every enticing offer not because it’s not a good deal but because you know your loser tendencies. Accepting offers are often a bet with yourself.

In the past I have made good use of my gym memberships but it just didn’t happen this time. It’s just been too inconvenient without a vehicle(excuse). I do mini-workouts by randomly dropping and giving myself 20 or doing pull-ups on the monkey bars when there’s no children around. I still have half a year to redeem myself with my gym membership so we’ll see what happens(rationalizing hope).