Don’t Try This At Home

I just watched a YouTube video of Stevie Nicks talking about all the cocaine she used to snort. It triggered me to go into my drawer of drugs and crush some MDMA. I hate snorting it but if I take it orally I have to wait to get high and the effects are longer. Plus the next day is a drag.

Once I snorted it I remembered why I hardly ever do it. IT HURTS. Also, I have this worry in the back of my head that one day I’ll have a hole up in my nose. The other option is to call someone to deliver some cocaine to me which I’ve never done because I believe once I pay for it I’m crossing a line.

The other day I sat with my friend in his automobile who delivers party drugs to people. Man, you would have no idea who is snorting cocaine and who is not just by looking at them.

“That guy has a wife and kids?”

To give you an idea what kind of drug user I am, the MDMA I just took was from a small batch my friend gave me in 2013. So ya, I’m quite controlled.

Blogging has taken a backseat to, ummm, nothing really. It’s not that I’m too busy. I haven’t figured out why I haven’t been writing. I want to I just don’t feel the strong desire to pound out my thoughts. I think money has made me soft.

All I think about is the stock market which might be a good thing. Finally, there’s something I’m deeply interested in that can generate lots of money. More than a few years ago I unknowingly started on a path that was training me to be proficient in investing in stocks. I became obsessed with the truth, critical thinking and being rational My emotions are no longer in the driver’s seat of my actions. Making money in the stock market is simple but not easy. I have a fitting temperament for it.

Tomorrow is a holiday. In my past life as a miserable working stiff I used to worship these days. Vacations were God and statutory holidays were the son of God. Now I hate holidays and weekends because it means the markets are closed — a complete 180.

When you’re a kid you would never think you could grow up to be someone who fears having a hole up their nose.



Do Nothing or Something

As I arrive there’s 4 teenagers leaving piano class. I’m about 25 years older than them and they’re about 8 years ahead of me in piano if I study as hard as they have so they’re probably more like 20 years ahead of me. If they achieve nothing else in life for the next 25 years they would still be more accomplished in life than I am today. When time moves forward but your skills stay the same the best case scenario is that you might become a wise loser. 

Tina is a good looking 13-year-old Asian girl who also takes ballet. Her parents pick her up in a new BMW. For her to lose to me in life she would need to get a crystal meth addiction and get pregnant by some guy like me. She’d probably still find a way to pull through. More likely though, she’ll graduate from university and marry a doctor or at least some guy with a boring, stable career. She’ll have kids and scare them into studying hard or else they might end up like that guy(me). That guy will try to get her daughter addicted to meth and get her pregnant.

For some people, maybe myself included, doing nothing for your first 30 years of life might be recommended. Guys like me usually screw up really badly somewhere between the ages of 16 and 30, so badly that there’s no recovering. How can thee screw up? Let me count the ways. Many guys I know have either received criminal records, death, drug addiction or deep financial debt. Some others who I know think they are successful but in reality they may have handcuffed themselves to imminent failure. In some circles the one who doesn’t screw up is considered successful.

Expensive Sandwiches

The Vietnamese restaurant by my home serves their sandwiches for $6. I realize the cost of everything goes up with time but I’m having a hard time adjusting from when prices were more in the $2 range 20 years ago. Without checking prices I drove to a place farther away where I’ve never been before. A Vietnamese sandwich there was $10.

With menu prices so expensive, owners need a gimmick so that customers can justify to themselves for overpaying. If you can’t brag about it on Instagram then it’s not worthy of going in your mouth and out your ass. It’s nice and all that they make their own bread there but I’m cheap. “Is this to go or are you eating in?”  I would have eaten in but I didn’t want to feel obligated to leave a tip. It was one of those places where you’re not completely sure if you’re supposed to tip or not. I tip well but I don’t like to tip especially for a $10 sandwich that used to be $2. I think a common review comment for this place is, it’s expensive but they make their own bread.

All prices are in Canadian dollars.




Considering the Future

A few years ago there was a blogger who fake liked enormous amounts of blog posts including mine. She garnered a big following and decided one day that it might be a good idea to write a post trying to solicit money using GoFundMe to help pay for her master’s degree. She ended up deleting the post and was never heard from again.

I’ve been liquidating the risk from my pension investment portfolio so that I won’t have to lie in the future to gently steal funds from you good people. I also call this portfolio my ‘anti-suicide fund.’ The rules indicate that I cannot withdraw any money from this fund until I’m 55 years old. If I know I have a significant amount of money waiting for me then it greatly reduces the chances of me enacting the dark version of Freedom 55.

There comes a certain age when a person feels they are too old to start over but also too young to make it to retirement. This can be a partial reason why it’s strongly advised to not quit your job after a certain age. Throwing caution to the wind can sometimes leave you in the eye of a shit hurricane.

Pizza Pizza

There’s this habit I have of laying in bed for a minimum of 2 hours after I wake in the morning. Technological devices make it really easy to do so. Soon humans will evolve to be a species needing only a head and one hand. They’ll call us Homo Stephen Hawking.

A headline of an article stated that light is just as important as darkness when it comes to good sleep. It being a blue sky day I decided to walk to the strip mall to buy pizza. The original plan was to buy ready-to-eat pizza by the slice but the plan changed when the supermarket was offering a whole frozen pizza for $3. I bought some mushrooms to throw on because all pizzas are skimpy on their toppings. I wonder how many homeless people would be dead if it were not for $1 slice pizzerias.

Many years ago my friend’s sister decided to live on the street when she was a teenager. At the time we all believed there was something wrong with her. If I had to guess now I would say it was more of an issue with parenting and home life. The story is not ending well for any member of that family.



Snow Day


After having only seen mild temperatures this winter we had our first snowfall 2 days ago. The snow removal budget is about the 10th of most other large Canadian cities which ensures chaos on the roads when it does snow. Where I live it snows most years but some of those years it’s very light snow. With a limited budget the city’s game plan is to sometimes do nothing hoping that it will rain.

Being the good person that I am I’ve been shovelling a neighhour’s sidewalk because he’s old and I have good reason to believe he’s not doing so well. My true intention for telling you this is to show you how much of a better person I am than you. It’s not your fault. Some people are just better than others.

A 90-year-old in the neighbourhood phoned me this morning to ask if I would be going by the liquor store. She wanted a 1.7 litre bottle of vodka. She likes to have a cocktail before dinner, she says. I wanted to get out of the house so I took a walk to the liquor store. Upon delivery she tipped me $10 because I’m a good person. I initially refused but if it makes her feel better I’ll take it. When you’re as old as she is you can almost get anything you ask for. She told me how her doctor came to her home to give her eye drops and how a fireman came to install her fire alarm for no charge.

When people shovel their sidewalks or mow their lawns they always do a bit of the home next to them so they don’t look like a loser. It’s never an inch or 2 it has to be at least a foot into their property. There’s some people in this neighbourhood who aren’t as good as I am. They don’t shovel their sidewalk and they probably don’t deliver big bottles of alcohol to old ladies. If I don’t get in to heaven then it’s a good indication it’s all bullshit.


Where’s My Can Opener?


In the year 2009 I went to the local big-box supermarket to buy a can opener. The only one that they had was more money than I wanted to pay but it was the only one in stock. The urgent necessity of a can opener trumped my penchant for being cheap. Some months or years later I discovered it was ‘Made in USA.’ I thought that was cool and it strengthened my liking for it.

I can’t find that thing now! Even worse, it can’t be found anywhere now because in 2008 they moved operations to China just before I bought mine which means I likely bought one from the last Made in USA batch. C’mon Donald Trump, bring back the can opener jobs.

Whether or not the ones made in China are much worse or not is uncertain but people have a liking for products made in a developed country. It makes them feel good even if the product is of poor quality. There was a used Made in USA Swing-a-way listed on Craigslist 2 days ago for $5 and now it’s gone. Somewhere out there is someone just like me which means I have competition.

When I was a kid we had 2 can openers. One was electric and the other was some manual piece of shit that barely got the job done. The electric worked fine but they take up space and unless if you have arthritis or are opening multiple cans a day it’s not worth it. Everywhere I lived after that were homes with crappy can openers. Poor immigrants tend to have this mentality of not spending any money for something they already have that kind of works. No one in the home ever thought how the can opener sucks and you can just buy a new one for $10.

There’s a spinoff Made in USA can opener which cannot be found here in Canada but is available through Amazon. There’s been rumours of counterfeits but the seller has me checkmated. I ordered one so we’ll see how it goes.

“The John J. Steuby Company made parts for the Swing-A-Way, and when Swing-A-Way was sold, the company started creating its own can openers: the EZ-Duz-It…”

Luckily, my obsessions tend to be inexpensive.