Life Can Be Semi-Amazing

One Asian guy and one white guy are in a pub. The white guy says, “you look like the guy who works at the hobby store?” The Asian guy jokingly replies, “no but we all look alike.”

Another Asian guy(me) walks into the pub. The other Asian guy asks, “is your name Peter Jung?” I said, “no but I guess we all really do alike.”

True story. It was funnier if you were there.

Even funnier, maybe, was that I was searching online since last night for a place to eat perogies and not that surprisingly the options are few and far between. Yesterday, I was talking to someone about the famous perogie man in town and it sparked a craving. He had a picture online of him holding a plate of perogies and sausage with fried onions.

This morning, I wasn’t able to find a place close enough to serve them ready-to-eat so I would settle for a place that would sell handmade ones to take home and cook. There wasn’t any of those either so I gave up and walked to the nearby pub to get some afternoon breakfast.

Lo and behold, they changed their menu and on the first page, perogies and sausage! A pub, nearby, serving perogies and sausage as a recent addition to their menu not even 24 hours from the time of my craving. It’s obvious someone with enormous powers is looking out for me.

Perhaps it’s not life changing but it just goes to show that anything can happen in life. This is like the equivalent of getting lung cancer from smoking one cigarette. The odds are tremendously low. I wanted perogies and sausage and the universe complied. Maybe it’s not that someone out there with magical powers is looking out for me but instead I have magical powers. The world is starting to revolve around me. I’ve tapped into The Secret.

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All I need to do now is use my powers to get them to fry the perogies

 

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Friday Food Extravaganza

Instead of eating at a restaurant I went to hunt & gather at the supermarket. About-to-expire bacon was $2 instead of $5. I counted 16 slices that needed to be eaten within 3 days. Maybe I can do it, maybe not but if I can get through half then it will be okay.

3 eggs over easy, 3 slices of bacon, 2 slices of healthier bread & butter and 100 ml of french pressed coffee. Even a small amount of coffee can get me wired. I had the exact same meal 4 hours later and I’ll probably do it again tomorrow.

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In the evening I did some real hunting & gathering. There’s an abundance of prickly blackberry bushes nearby. I now know how those cave people integrated stretching in their daily lives. Combined with maneuvering yourself so that you don’t get pricked, it becomes a form of yoga. Those thorns are no joke. They’re a great defense system.

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A recent addition to the menu is berry salads with grated cheese.

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My breakfast would have probably costed me at least $8 plus tax and tip at a restaurant. There is a place I know of that charges $6 with no tax or tip but it’s the type of establishment where the ketchup bottles are greasy and walls are full of profanity.

12 eggs – $5
16 slices of bacon – $2
Loaf of bread – $5

I can make at least 4 meals for $12. Damn, it’s only a savings of half and I’m not even including the cost of butter and the water used to wash the dishes. I can live with greasy ketchup bottles and having a wall tell me who to call for a good time. In my old neighbourhood there is a place that does breakfast for $2.95 plus tax and tip. With no employees to layoff I have to cut the cost of food to compete. I’ll have to get non-free range eggs, expired bacon, bread made with 20 ingredients and recycled butter.

 

Lazy Nutrition

If I’m going to be trapped in this body for awhile then I should try to keep it running properly. With a bad diet comes aches, lethargy and possibly premature death(might not be a bad thing). A diet consisting of mostly plant based foods is the ideal way to eat for optimum health and just like with most things in life there’s always a drawback. Fruits and vegetables are good for you but they are not as fun as french fries with gravy, doughnuts, cake, pie, danishes or chocolate hedgehogs.

As much as I like smooth bowel movements and antioxidants, eating vegetables often feels like a chore. They don’t taste that good. Some people will say vegetables are delicious but that’s only after cooking and pouring sauce over them. The main attraction on the dinner table is never green and vitamin rich. You don’t impress anyone by inviting them to a gourmet broccoli dinner. Salads come at the beginning of the meal because you want to get it out of the way…it’s like finishing your homework before you can get dessert and can go out to play. People like the mood to have an upward trajectory.

Soups are a very efficient method for getting sufficient nutrients. You chop everything up, throw it in a pot and you’re set for a few days. With big supermarkets and small produce stores discounting the prices of almost expired vegetables you can brew up a big pot of soup for cheap.

Today’s special consists of pork neck bones, head of cauliflower, leek, celery root, celery sticks, carrots, brown turnip, radishes, mushrooms, red pepper. I couldn’t even fit all of the vegetables in the bowl! I believe if I didn’t dice them all up they wouldn’t have fit in the pot. I should have added some spices and herbs.

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This post may save your life or at least your digestive system.

 

Male Housewife Adventures

An old blind guy that I help buy groceries for inspired me to take my soup making to another dimension. I like making soup because it’s nutritious and lazy. With my new interest in being a housewife I decided to look into buying some sort of appliance that will do a puree. I decided on a hand blender.

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Cuisinart  Hand Blender CSB-85C

Butternut squash, broccoli, celery, radishes(leaves included), cucumber(unpeeled), leeks, garlic. Total cost…$9.85 Canadian. I would have put in a green bell pepper but they cost $3 a pound. My diet revolves around economics. For the sake of flavour though I should add some spices and leaves.

I believe a puree will be more flavourful than compared to just boiling. To disappoint the vegans I may add a drop of milk or perhaps a drop of my own blood.

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There’s probably some warning in the manual about blending liquids while they are boiling. The blender has a safety button that needs to be pressed while pressing the power button in order for it to operate. It makes it harder to fool around and accidentally or purposely mangle someone else’s nose.

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I had the dog’s interest every time I powered on the blender

 

I guess it works. If you’re going to play with boiling liquid though you have to make sure enough of the blender is submerged otherwise hot liquid will fly like kids on an amusement ride without safety harnesses.

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So far it looks like it will taste like shit

I haven’t tried it yet as it is still simmering. Incorporating healthy soups lessens my guilt when I do my daily heroin. Life is all about balance.

Cheap Gathering

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The store opens at 10 AM and there’s plenty of people waiting for the doors to open at 9:30 AM because the restaurant opens 30 minutes earlier. Ikea probably did some market research and found that people are happier and shop longer on a full stomach.

The big lure is the the cheap food. The idea is to get you in for an inexpensive necessity(food) and hopefully you will walk out with a bookshelf made of fake wood. It’s like the casino…you think you can walk in and spend only a couple bucks but one day they will get you and the deed to your house.

Much of the restaurant clientele are parents looking to take their kids out without having to spend much money. What do you mean we never do anything? I take you to Ikea all the time. The rest are just a bunch of cheap fucks like me with nothing better to do on a Saturday morning.

The portions are small and the food isn’t good but also not bad. For $6 with a free coffee though you can walk out of there without feeling like they got the best of you.

 

Marijuana as a Sleep Aid

I ran out of the cannabis oil that the old guy gave me awhile ago and without a license of any kind to attain legal or quasi-legal cannabis oil, my only other option is to make my own. Having never made it myself one can turn to the internet to get their feet wet in any trade.

With a few grams of marijuana I had stashed away I used one gram to experiment. Using calculations from the internet I produced a small amount of cannabis coconut oil. To figure out an adequate dosage took some general estimation and me being my own guinea pig.

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It looks like a small amount but the effects of edible cannabis is about 5 times stronger than when cannabis is smoked. It has something to do with the liver processing the THC. This 30 gram batch contains 15-20 small doses.

The reason why I went to the trouble of making this is because I’ve always found marijuana to be a great sleep aid. I don’t like the process of having to smoke it nor do I like some of the effects it gives me. Some people like warm milk and a bedtime story, I like cannabis.

Last night I tried a small dose of my creation and it was a success. Today I felt great. I mean, exceptionally better than 99% of other days. I wasn’t high, I was just in a good mood and there wasn’t a point in the day when I wanted to take a nap. I wasn’t on top of the world or anything. If someone kicked me in the balls I’d still be pissed off about it.

It’s difficult to be hungry and happy, sick and happy or tired and happy. Good health, food and sleep are the fundamentals to feeling good.

 

 

 

About Eggs

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There’s a farm within walking distance from my home. They have cows, goats and chickens but they only sell eggs. The guy told me the cows are there just to eat grass. Maybe he produces blu-ray quality farm animal porn.

I ask the lady to give me a giant egg every time I come by because I get a kick out of looking at them and showing them to people. I used to feel guilty about eating more than a few eggs a week because of the junk science that too many eggs in your diet would explode your heart.

For a few years I was eating 16 eggs a week. During that time a nutritionist tested my cholesterol levels and they were normal. She freaked out when I told her the amount of eggs that I ate.

It wasn’t until the recent past that I found out chickens can lay eggs without having a male chicken do his song and dance to get inside of her. If a chicken is raised with care, shouldn’t their unfertilized eggs be considered vegan friendly?