Live Post…Guns N’Roses

Never thought in my lifetime I would see these guys play live. Here I am. Never say never. Drug and alcohol abuse is being controlled. Slash is killing it and I’m singing along. 

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Amazon World

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Every time I order a product from Amazon I feel as if I’m selling out or contributing to the demise of society. The way it’s looking, Amazon is trying to take over the world. I can support my local big-boxed store but the only reason why I would do so is if I believe I’m helping local people keep jobs or because I hate Amazon. Then again, why should anyone feel sorry for big-boxed retailers when they put mom and pop shops out of business. When you can get the same thing for cheaper there’s always that voice that tells you that you can get it for cheaper. One day you’ll find a reason to give in to those voices.

Resisting Amazon will probably only hurt me in the end. 50% of American households have an Amazon Prime membership. If you refuse to drive an automobile other people are still going to drive. All that will happen to you is that you’ll lose 2 hours of your day, have wet socks and no watermelon because you didn’t want to carry it home. With all your efforts that polar bear will still end up dead. With Amazon’s recent acquisition of Whole Foods you can now get watermelon delivered to your home.

They’re also hoping to get those delivery drones working one day but for now they have their own couriers. He freaked out when my dog weaseled her way through my legs and darted towards him. She has killed before.

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Friday Food Extravaganza

Instead of eating at a restaurant I went to hunt & gather at the supermarket. About-to-expire bacon was $2 instead of $5. I counted 16 slices that needed to be eaten within 3 days. Maybe I can do it, maybe not but if I can get through half then it will be okay.

3 eggs over easy, 3 slices of bacon, 2 slices of healthier bread & butter and 100 ml of french pressed coffee. Even a small amount of coffee can get me wired. I had the exact same meal 4 hours later and I’ll probably do it again tomorrow.

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In the evening I did some real hunting & gathering. There’s an abundance of prickly blackberry bushes nearby. I now know how those cave people integrated stretching in their daily lives. Combined with maneuvering yourself so that you don’t get pricked, it becomes a form of yoga. Those thorns are no joke. They’re a great defense system.

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A recent addition to the menu is berry salads with grated cheese.

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My breakfast would have probably costed me at least $8 plus tax and tip at a restaurant. There is a place I know of that charges $6 with no tax or tip but it’s the type of establishment where the ketchup bottles are greasy and walls are full of profanity.

12 eggs – $5
16 slices of bacon – $2
Loaf of bread – $5

I can make at least 4 meals for $12. Damn, it’s only a savings of half and I’m not even including the cost of butter and the water used to wash the dishes. I can live with greasy ketchup bottles and having a wall tell me who to call for a good time. In my old neighbourhood there is a place that does breakfast for $2.95 plus tax and tip. With no employees to layoff I have to cut the cost of food to compete. I’ll have to get non-free range eggs, expired bacon, bread made with 20 ingredients and recycled butter.

 

Bored to Life

The battle with boredom is a continuous one that requires more energy than staving off hunger. Every time your heart beats you are either strategizing against boredom or executing your plan. People are always looking for “something to do.” An entire life lived can often be predicated by the goal of not to be bored.

“Don’t you get bored?” is a question someone with ample time will get from people who hate being at their jobs. As if killing your boredom with misery is so much better. It’s the equivalent of cutting yourself to cope with emotional pain.

Lately, I have been in the mindset of embracing boredom. Sure, I can battle boredom with the army of technology available but it is a very short-term cure with no true benefit. Boredom is the portal that transports you to a new world. There will be a stage of suffering from fighting habitual urges and comfort but if you can weather the storm I believe there is something better on the other side.

Boredom is a tool to push evolution. If you are bored it means what you are doing feels next to useless. It’s neither enjoyable or beneficial to you so your mind is telling you to stop and move on. If you don’t listen then you will be bored to death.

I could spend 40 hours a week at an uninspiring job, watch TV shows for hours in a day, hang out with people for the sake of not being as bored, but it would be just a continuance on a dependence that only serves as a distraction.

Boredom is trying to prevent you from doing nothing like how fear prevents you from doing something. Together they mix a cocktail that will get you by another day like you have been doing so well at but nothing more.

Post-substance Abuse Reflections

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The day after a substance binge I reflect on how I could have done things differently to lessen this sub-par condition I’m in right now. The easiest solution is to not ingest any mind altering chemicals but that’s like abstaining from ice cream for the rest of your life. The best route one can take is to never introduce themselves to devilish substances. Once you experience the feeling you don’t want to completely give it up.

If I had just taken the one capsule of MDMA and drank a couple of beers last night I would probably be fine today. That idea has only ever worked in theory for me. The only way that scenario would play out is if there was no more than one capsule of MDMA and a couple beers available.

Pre-substance intake had me saying that I had no interest in snorting ketamine. I also pushed away the marijuana joint that came my way. Post-substance intake had me pulling everything towards me. Everything seems like it could be a good idea when you’re high. It got to the point where I didn’t even know what I was feeling.

Life has a way of taking advantage of people who do stupid things. It seemed like a good idea to go for more drinks after the show. By the time we finished it was too late for me to take public transit home or maybe I just didn’t want to. So I got a cab which costed me $40.

I don’t want to do anything today. I don’t even want to do nothing.

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Painful Relief

Absence makes the heart fonder just as pain turns the absence of pain into pleasure. Joy for many people is not about pleasure but instead the glimpses of relief from the pain in their life. I’m glad it’s over becomes the daily mantra for life which extends to the dying breath.

Pleasure can become muted out by the pain that spills over when you momentarily punch out. Reaching heaven is difficult when the gravity of pain is always pulling you back down to hell.

The great escape is only great while it’s an escape. When the pain is absent long enough to fade into the past, it’s common to voluntarily revisit it because any stimulation seems that it would be better than none. There’s more people living on the inside than out.

A relatively pain-free life can lack stimulation. When you’re floating on calm waters you can choose to dive down back to darkness or wait until the forces push you down. The other choice is to try and climb a wave.

The upward movement in mood is what we’re all seeking. When you’re drowning beneath the surface all that you wish for is to float. When you’re flatlining long enough you need a wave to bring you up.