It’s usually more about the idea than anything

What kind of title is that?  A title from a person on Christmas Eve who’s not quite sober and not able to think of anything more clever.

We all have these beliefs of what is good, bad, right, wrong  and I’ve come to believe our beliefs hardly ever stem from much truth or fact but instead the attachment to the idea.

The idea of family, friends, marriage, money, vacations, love, admiration, status, reputation, labels, you name it. It’s almost like a religion where you live by a teaching just because it’s part of the program.  It’s what you’ve built your life upon so you have to defend and support its existence.

We’re more in love with the idea instead of actually believing in these ideas.  Our actions show how much we really believe in the importance of these ideas and the actions hardly ever match the words.  We only believe in these ideas cause it makes us feel better about our lives.  Gives us something to live by and live for.  Any half ass analyzation of these ideas would lead you to the truth which is these ideas are usually BS.  We’re humans though.  We have the ability to lie to ourselves and block out any truth that might make us feel bad about our existence.  We’re too afraid to hurt our own feelings.


Clean your place, clean your mind

It’s one of those things in life that have been swept away from our consciousness and buried under decades of life evolving rubble.  For most of my life I never saw the real benefit of keeping a place clean and tidy other than the fact that it was more pleasing to the eye and pleasing to my mother.
As we go through life we usually never have a difficult time collecting more stuff but have issues with letting them go no matter how useless they are to us now.  We don’t see it affecting us cause it happens so gradually similar to the aging process.  You see yourself in the mirror and you’re like whatever but when you see a picture of yourself from just a few years ago you’re like, “*%$#@(*.”

Just like all the crap and messiness in your home it happened slowly and your mind slowly adjusted to its new surroundings but was never pleased.  Imagine you left a clean and tidy home and the same day you came home to a tornado of a mess.  It would be unacceptable and you would probably do something about it right away.  It happened too fast for your mind to accept such a drastic change.  It’s like waking up one day with a wrinkly face.  You’d freak out and do something about it even if that something was jumping off a building.


Not too long ago I decided to just throw out anything I probably would never need and declutter my place.  I wanted my place to be as space efficient as possible.  I didn’t care that most homes had a coffee table, if it was taking up too much space and I could do without it then it had to go.

When mission was accomplished and the dust settled I realized something.  This became more than just a cleaning project.  It became a realization that it was something spiritual.

Once there was less of everything in my environment there was less my mind had to deal with.  Having my belongings in an organized manner sent visually less confusing projections to my mind.  The inside of my home was much more simpler which brought a kind of peace to me internally.

The coffee table was a representation of conforming without being conscious and the realization of its unimportance was sort of an awakening.

A home is a lot like life.  It starts out empty and along the way you add things.  Some things stay with you for long term and others not so much but there’s probably a bunch of things you don’t need and should get rid of.  It’s hard to let go but if you don’t it’s just another obstruction.  You think by adding more to your home or life will make it more positively evolved but often the less you  have the more simple and peaceful your life will be.


Are you happy?

How do most people come up with an answer when they are asked this?  I have a few theories.

A common one is to never show weakness and always say “yes.”  Doesn’t matter if their husband left them for a younger woman or if their wife left them for a big black man last week, they will always say, “yes.”

Probably the most common one is trying to figure out their happiness on paper and then root on the side of happy.  It’s like paper happiness.  You would think of things in your life you like vs the things in your life you don’t like so much and if there is more wins in the happy column then you’re happy.  If the happy column is losing and it’s the 4th quarter you just have to trick yourself and add some ringers to that team.  You always hear people say something like, “ummm ya, overall I’m happy.”  Isn’t it you’re happy or you’re not?  I don’t know, I guess you can be so so happy and so so not so happy.  I think in this kind of situation there’s probably a big aspect of their life they don’t like but they have something that keeps them going like kids or retirement.  Or beer.

To show you I’m not completely cynical, negative or too real I do think there’s a good number of people who are genuinely pretty happy.  They will tell you they’re happy cause that’s just how they usually feel.  I can’t say I’m that way.  I generally have a “whatever’ feeling or when I’m feeling positive I’ll say, “I can’t complain.”  I’m too honest.  That’s why it’s so hard for me to get a date.

I think to be one of those genuinely happy people you really have to be living life the way you want.  You have to have supportive and accepting people around you.  Staying healthy by sleeping, eating and exercise always helps too especially when you get older.  You definitely can’t be concerned with keeping up with the Joneses.  Being able to let go is a big one too.  Not just with past situations but with thoughts and ideas that hold you down.  Being selfish don’t help at all either.  Being able to give just to make someone else happy and to not even expect appreciation shows there’s at least some happiness in you for sure.

So am I happy?  I definitely can’t define myself as happy.  I don’t feel it.  I’m very happy about some things but happiness is not usually my state of mind.  Although, I’m going through something right now that is somewhat depressing me but I don’t feel like talking about it here.  I do remember though just a while back when I had not much and nothing plaguing my mind, I was pretty happy.  I had next to no social life and stayed home a lot but I was feeling very positive.  Looking towards a more spiritual path did wonders for me.  I guess I’m not immune to the bruises from the bumps on the road of life.  I guess like everything else though it will pass.  Like gas.

Actions say everything

We live in a society of so much fluff, kind words and unfulfilled semi promises.  No one says what they mean or means what they say.  Expectations that are given are never realized.

It’s always so easy to say that you care, that you will call someone or better yet tell them to call you that way you don’t have to do anything but when it comes down to it the actions hardly ever match the words.

Everyone always likes to say that they care just because it seems so nasty to say that you don’t.  You say you care about this person you call your friend but ask yourself in what way do you really care.  Just because you wouldn’t want to see them get hurt or die doesn’t mean you really care.  I don’t want to hear about anyone in this whole entire world to get hurt but it doesn’t put them in my actual caring category.

Often the case is that people only care about their own guilty conscience.  They care when this has to be cleared.  If they don’t know you’re in need then it’s all good but if you call them and ask them for help then they have to care.

Seriously, if you haven’t talked to a person you consider a good friend for several months and they live in the same district as you then you’re not really caring and you have to question the validity of your good friendship.  What would you call your friendship if you spoke even less than that?  It be pretty much nothing so what makes you good friends?

All the other people you care about in your life, how often do you talk to them?  Your mom, sister, wife, dog.  I bet you don’t go that many weeks without speaking to them.  I guess in this society, depending on the label of the relationship, certain ones carry some higher obligation and some less.  We’re always infatuated with labels.

People will think you have a f’d up relationship if you only spoke to your wife every other week but if you only spoke to one of your good friends every other year you would probably get a pass.  You know, life’s been too busy and all.  Or you just don’t really care.

Shit man, in half a year someone can get depressed and kill themselves.  You could have a friend like this.  I suppose you can say, “you didn’t know” but what’s the likelihood anyone in that situation will just call you and tell you.  I guess calling just to see how someone is doing is just too much.

If you really care about someone shouldn’t you make it a habit to call them.  No one is that busy to call anyone they care about.  If you are then you’re just too busy to care.  Follow through with your words and promises because someone might be counting on you.  Broken promises can pave the way to a lifelong path of negativity.  Spread the positivity and the compassion instead and hopefully we can infect the whole world one day.


Sounds sad already.  I think I’m going to try to make it inspiring or at least somewhat enlightening.  Suffering is one of the main Buddhist teachings.  Not teaching how one can be better at suffering but shedding light on what is suffering and how to alleviate it or more ideally, end it.

Most of us definitely don’t need any help on how to suffer.  We’re seasoned professionals when it comes to that.  We pretty much strive to suffer.   We live to suffer.  The idea is that without suffering there is no grand reward.  I think this is where we always make the wrong turn down endless suffering.

See, whenever you are putting your energy into something that causes suffering you are building your empire of suffering.  Your suffering will be the foundation of your life.

You suffer to get that education to get you that good job.  You do this so you can get the best wife you can, buy a house and raise a family.  You continue suffering at your good job to sustain all those things you have now that you dreamed of in the beginning of your suffering.  Your suffering knows no bounds. Your life becomes a question of how many more years you have to suffer.  Or you don’t attain all those things and you suffer from hating yourself

I guess what I’m trying to say is that when you begin a path of suffering it will become a long road of suffering.  You’re not following the path of your heart.

I hope to find a way to take my own advice one day.  Hahahaha…  I believe in it, I just don’t know how to execute it.  I think I know what I believe though.  Being able to do something that you really like doing and getting paid for it must be totally rad.  I mean really like it.  Not like what most people mean when they say they like their job.  When most people say they like their job, what they are really saying is that they like what they get paid or they like their job compared to anything else they think they can get or they’re friggin liars and really hate their jobs but are too proud to admit it.  What ever makes you feel better I guess.

Another thing I also believe is being yourself and making lifestyle choices that are aligned with your true self.  My whole life I’ve been hanging around people not like myself, going to places where I totally felt out of place, wanting and agonizing for a life that I didn’t really even want.

The problem is we all programmed ourselves to want the samething but not all of us really want it deep inside.  We all want the hot girl, big salary and admiration from our peers.  We tell ourselves we’ll do anything for it but truthfully not all of us have what it takes to attain and maintain such a life without suffering.

Seriously, I can picture myself living some kind of simple life and being happy but the issue I see with that is that not many people desire to jump on the simple life bandwagon.  I suppose that’s why everyone follows the crowd of society cause they don’t want to be left out and be alone.  Evolve or die?  Can’t beat them, join them?  I feel this way sometimes but I know it’s not right for myself.

You know you’re suffering when you think about winning the lottery too regularly.

Spreading positive energy

If you read any of my posts it’s hard to believe I have any positivity but I’m actually on a spiritual journey of some sort.  Sounding negative just comes off more entertaining than being all happy go lucky.  Think about all the famous comedians you know.  None of their subject matter is every bright and cheerful.  It always comes off somewhat negative.  Well, in my opinion it’s usually just being real.

How to spread positive energy?  By being the nicest and most compassionate person you can be.  It’s not always easy but when you can do it then you’re spreading positive energy.

How not to spread positive energy?  By doing the shittier thing and giving yourself excuses to do so.  I find that quite often people are only as nice and compassionate as they think they need to be.  There’s a gauge and it’s largely measured by what you think most people would do.

This gauge frees you from any guilt you might have from not doing the better action.  Being a good person in this world usually just means better than most people but most people act like asswipes or asswipes in disguise.

For most of my life I acted like both.  A lot of my actions were based on ego and selfishness.  I wouldn’t help someone cause it made me feel like a lacky boy or I wouldn’t be smiling while helping them out.  “I’m doing you a favour so why should I smile too?”  I wouldn’t be as friendly to my friends cause I told myself it was okay to be a grouch.  I wouldn’t help someone cause I made up some story in my head that they wouldn’t appreciate it.  Maybe I felt lazy too.

All this contributes to negative energy that only continues spreading.  We want to break the attitude of, “why should I.”  That attitude of not doing something cause no one expects you to.  We shouldn’t need to fear the feeling of guilt in order to be nice.

If guilt is why you’re doing anything nice then it’s selfish.  You’re doing something so you won’t feel bad not because you want to help someone out.

We also shouldn’t be doing favours when in the back of our head we expect the same in return.  If  you did a favour for someone and they didn’t return the favour would you be dissappoionted?  Well, when I say “we shouldn’t” I mean it’s not the most enlightening and positive mindset to have.

The more we show we’re willing to do things for the sake of just being nice it will be contagious like a good flu and people will start to think it’s how it should be.  They’ll see new light instead of being stuck with the same mentality of thinking no one is that nice.

Even small things like sending emails that have a bit of heart put into it.  Often the emails I get from Craigslist browsers are very blunt and heartless.  No “hi” or “thanks.”  Just a one liner like they had to go urinate really bad.

The thing I realized about life is being selfish has not brought us anywhere closer to happiness or enlightenment.  Everything we do is selfish.  It’s never for anyone else but ourselves.  I remember growing up and hearing all that giving is better than receiving crap and all the rest but never really believing it.  I really believe it now.  I will leave you with some cheesy quotes from someone.  Have an awesome day.

A candle loses none of its light by lighting another candle.

If you light a lamp for someone else it will also brighten your path



New outlook on selfishness

The meaning of selfish has probably changed throughout my whole life.  Often it could even change depending on my mood and ego.  I think for the most part the meaning of selfish to me meant, mostly thinking of myself.

Recently, I’ve realized I’ve always been somewhat selfish.  Even when I offered to help a friend in the back of my mind I expected something.  I expected them to do the same for me in the future or show some kind of gratitude.   This probably sounds more fair than selfish but when you expect something in return then it’s at least a little bit selfish.

Having come to this conclusion I have a new goal in life that is not like any other goal I’ve ever had.  All my past goals have always been about getting a better job, or meeting new people or learning something.  Always something mostly external.  My new goal is to be the most selfless and compassionate person I can be.  Well, at least be conscious about it cause I know I’m going to have bad days.

I think too many of us have this attitude of needing to be treated like how we treat others.  “He wouldn’t do it for me so why should I do it for him” or “he helped me so I have to help him.”  It should be more like, “I want to help because someone needs it and it’s spreading positive energy.”

There were many times I could have offered my help to friends but instead I didn’t and stayed home and watched TV or did nothing much.  I had no obligation to help and no one would think less of me but I was being selfish cause sitting at home wasn’t doing anyone any good including myself.  Although, I was often too fatigued from my negative lifestyle to have any chance of being in the mood to want to help anyone.

These days though, I have good energy and mood from a regular sleeping schedule and other positive lifestyle changes so I’m very willing to offer any help I can.  Another issue before was that my ego prevented me from helping people.  I didn’t want to feel like I was anyone’s lacky boy.

I also at times was hating on other people cause I was unhappy.  I didn’t entirely like my life so I didn’t want to make anyone else’s better if I wasn’t benefiting.   I felt by helping I was widening the inequality gap but my ego or  I wasn’t the one moving up.

Lately, I have been offering my services to people and I think they find it strange but hopefully the positive energy will become infectious and steer evolution in a better direction.   I have no expectations of getting anything in return and will not have any negative feelings if people I’ve helped just think I’m a sucker.

Buddhism 100

Yep, I am now a student of Buddhism 100.  Shouldn’t it be 101? Who knows.  I guess I’m a liar too cause I said I was never going to go to school again.  Guess it’s not the same?

As with any other first day of a new class, I felt it bit awkward.  We started the class meditating.  The whole idea is to not think of anything since that’s all human beings usually do.  We always got something on our mind and usually it’s some kind of worry or anxiousness tormenting us.  Let me tell you, meditating is not easy.  You’re suppose to concentrate on your breathing and not think about anything else.  Everytime your mind wanders you just got to put your mind back into your breathing.

As the childish human being I am, while we were meditating, I couldn’t help thinking about how funny it would be if someone just let out a great big fart.  Hahahaha.  I almost broke out in laughter just thinking about it.  Back to breathing, back to breathing.

This was an intro class so I already knew most of the content she was teaching us cause I’ve been reading stuff off the internet.  The majority of the class are people in their 40’s and up.  I’m like one of the youngest.  The instructor put it pretty simply, “you’re all here cause you didn’t find total satisfaction with life.”  Something like that.  It was true anyway.

So what other reasons am I there for?  I guess from what I know of Buddhism already, it’s very real.  It helps you see reality as it is and not the illusion that is pretty much forced in front of your face.  Helps you find peace within your mind and just makes your life easier.  If someone threw this Buddhism crap or any other spiritual stuff at me when I was like early or mid 20’s I would of told them to get out of my face and called them a loser.  Then again, if anyone told me anything other than what I wanted to hear I would of told them to screw off.  The ego is a son of a bitch.  So strong that Edward Norton had to shoot himself in Fight Club just so Brad Pitt would die.  There’s probably another meaning for that scene but that’s what I got out of it.

In life we’re always given the right answers but hardly ever the instructions on how to get there.  It’s like all those great and true quotes you always come across that are words to live by but are never made a into a living reality.  You have to question things to the root for the answers to really hit home.  It’s like how one person will tell another person they are doing such and such so they can make more money.  Hardly anyone will ever question that.  No one will ever ask someone or themselves, “why do you want more money?”  “So I can have a better life for my family, not struggle, not be a loser.”  What’s better?  What does it mean to not struggle?  What’s a loser?  If you keep questioning this, a saying like, “money does not bring you happiness” might actually really make sense and you might actually live by it.

I’m not looking to be a full blown Buddhist or anything.  I’m just going with the flow and seeing where it takes me.  It’s been all positive so far.  Positivity breeds positivity even though it’s difficult to see.  It just leads to something else.  Just over a year ago all I ever did was get drunk, abuse substances, eat crap food, had an erratic sleeping schedule and was consumed with negative thoughts and feelings, wondering what I wanted to do with my life and hating myself for not knowing.

I started eating better which inspired me to go to the gym which led me to a regular sleeping schedule that stopped me from going out late which stopped me from hanging out with people who were mostly negative for me which made me see life differently and seek out positive information where ever I could find it.  Anytime I get a craving to go back to my old ways just for a night I think about how it would screw with my new life the next day and the thought ends there.

Well, I’m sure I jabbered enough on this post.  I’m going to be badass now and eat some potato chips and wash it down with ginger tea cause ginger is an anti-inflammatory.  Inflammation is detrimental to your health and is a probable cause of heart disease, cancer and many other stuffs.




Mike Tyson’s Thought on Happiness

“I had all these things in life but none of them fulfilled that big hole I had in my life.. so if I could have all that and it hasn’t fulfilled that hole that I have, it’s not going to do it…so it has to be something else that I’m looking for.”
That was a line from the documentary “Tyson.”  Basically he’s saying that all the fame and fortune never made him happy so there’s obviously a different formula he has to try.  As a society we go through life trying our hardest to attain what he had, thinking it will bring us happiness but it’s just an illusion.  When has attaining any of the goals that were started for the sole purpose of bringing you happiness effective?  When I say happiness I mean lasting and constant happiness.  All the money, people and accomplishments can enrich your life but never bring you the happiness you’re searching for.
If you haven’t watched it yet I highly recommend it.  I wasn’t a fan of Mike Tyson until after I watched this.  It’s very honest and touching.  You can watch the full documentary on YouTube, engage in internet piracy and download a file or ummm… I think there’s another way ummmm..ya those are the only 2 ways I can think of.  Oh wait,  you can rent or buy.  I will buy a copy when I get a Blu-Ray player.
From IMBD –
To gage what effect “Tyson” would have on audiences, James Toback asked the opinions of the film’s opposite demographic: older white women who were disinterested in boxing. He asked that they come to his editing suite and watch the film. If they left after 5 minutes, Toback would give them $100 USD. If they stayed after 5 minutes, they would have to stay for the whole picture – and give Toback extensive feedback on the film. According to Toback, not one woman left after 5 minutes, and many were in tears by the film’s finale.


The only thing more boring than watching someone sleep is reading about someone else’s  sleeping life but even if that’s true at least it will help you sleep.

My whole life I hardly ever got enough sleep.  High school was a struggle to wake up and after school I would always fall asleep in front of the TV.  Sleeping was just not a priority and was super underrated.  Getting 8 hours asleep didn’t really add to your coolness or get you any girls.

After graduation the workforce didn’t help my sleeping situation much.  I continued to only get 5 hours of sleep usually.  I was a zombie! There’s people out there who function just fine with little sleep but after a couple decades of life, I’ve realized I’m not one of them.  I’m irritable, unhappy and just lazy mentally and physically if I don’t get 7-8 hours and I only realized recently lack of sleep was the issue.

Why am I even writing about this?  Cause it’s a major health issue, physically and mentally.  Chronic lack of sleep really f’s with your hormones which will screw with your body.  It basically causes stress within your body.  Sleeping is good for your health!  No joke bloke.

I used to think I hated my job cause of the job but after I started sleeping properly I realized a good or bad day at work depended on how many hours of sleep I got.  The world is brighter.

You have to be on a schedule too.  You just can’t sleep at anytime and expect to feel just as good just cause you got 8 hours.  I had many months of not having to wake up at anytime but I still felt like crap cause I would sleep at all different hours depending on the social activity I engaged.  Waking in the morning hours does actually make you feel better.

So do yourself a favour and sleep like it’s your job.  Get to bed the same time everynight no matter what cause you don’t want to be late, sleep 8 hours and when you get off your sleep shift you’ll be energized and happy just like when you’re free from your crappy job after 8 hours.  Trust me it will change your life and you’ll never look back.  I’m not sure why I’m assuming whoever is reading this is not getting enough sleep but that just seems to be the norm and the norm is usually wrong and you don’t want to be wrong.