Bored to Life

The battle with boredom is a continuous one that requires more energy than staving off hunger. Every time your heart beats you are either strategizing against boredom or executing your plan. People are always looking for “something to do.” An entire life lived can often be predicated by the goal of not to be bored.

“Don’t you get bored?” is a question someone with ample time will get from people who hate being at their jobs. As if killing your boredom with misery is so much better. It’s the equivalent of cutting yourself to cope with emotional pain.

Lately, I have been in the mindset of embracing boredom. Sure, I can battle boredom with the army of technology available but it is a very short-term cure with no true benefit. Boredom is the portal that transports you to a new world. There will be a stage of suffering from fighting habitual urges and comfort but if you can weather the storm I believe there is something better on the other side.

Boredom is a tool to push evolution. If you are bored it means what you are doing feels next to useless. It’s neither enjoyable or beneficial to you so your mind is telling you to stop and move on. If you don’t listen then you will be bored to death.

I could spend 40 hours a week at an uninspiring job, watch TV shows for hours in a day, hang out with people for the sake of not being as bored, but it would be just a continuance on a dependence that only serves as a distraction.

Boredom is trying to prevent you from doing nothing like how fear prevents you from doing something. Together they mix a cocktail that will get you by another day like you have been doing so well at but nothing more.

Post-substance Abuse Reflections

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The day after a substance binge I reflect on how I could have done things differently to lessen this sub-par condition I’m in right now. The easiest solution is to not ingest any mind altering chemicals but that’s like abstaining from ice cream for the rest of your life. The best route one can take is to never introduce themselves to devilish substances. Once you experience the feeling you don’t want to completely give it up.

If I had just taken the one capsule of MDMA and drank a couple of beers last night I would probably be fine today. That idea has only ever worked in theory for me. The only way that scenario would play out is if there was no more than one capsule of MDMA and a couple beers available.

Pre-substance intake had me saying that I had no interest in snorting ketamine. I also pushed away the marijuana joint that came my way. Post-substance intake had me pulling everything towards me. Everything seems like it could be a good idea when you’re high. It got to the point where I didn’t even know what I was feeling.

Life has a way of taking advantage of people who do stupid things. It seemed like a good idea to go for more drinks after the show. By the time we finished it was too late for me to take public transit home or maybe I just didn’t want to. So I got a cab which costed me $40.

I don’t want to do anything today. I don’t even want to do nothing.

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Painful Relief

Absence makes the heart fonder just as pain turns the absence of pain into pleasure. Joy for many people is not about pleasure but instead the glimpses of relief from the pain in their life. I’m glad it’s over becomes the daily mantra for life which extends to the dying breath.

Pleasure can become muted out by the pain that spills over when you momentarily punch out. Reaching heaven is difficult when the gravity of pain is always pulling you back down to hell.

The great escape is only great while it’s an escape. When the pain is absent long enough to fade into the past, it’s common to voluntarily revisit it because any stimulation seems that it would be better than none. There’s more people living on the inside than out.

A relatively pain-free life can lack stimulation. When you’re floating on calm waters you can choose to dive down back to darkness or wait until the forces push you down. The other choice is to try and climb a wave.

The upward movement in mood is what we’re all seeking. When you’re drowning beneath the surface all that you wish for is to float. When you’re flatlining long enough you need a wave to bring you up.

1950s Tony Robbins

Based on your actions on their site, YouTube will recommend what it thinks you might be interested in. There’s motivational and inspirational type videos that I watch on some days. Not videos with spiritual gurus but more similar to TED Talk type videos where it’s more about information than pep talks.

On my YouTube homepage there was a recommendation where the thumbnail of the video was black-and-white with a guy in a suit and it was titled, “Why do you go to Work?” First thought was that this must be old. Second thought was I wondered what someone back then had to say about this subject.

Everything he said is still relevant today. Most of it is the same advice and ideas that many people think some 40-year-old person originally thought of today. Earl Nightingale’s content in the video is good but I’m also drawn in by the accent. What is it, a Transatlantic accent?…the way that a father would speak to his son about life and family. “You listen here young Johnny. A man is nothing without his job or family. Now be a good boy and go tell your mother you love her.”

I downloaded an Earl Nightingale 16 hour recording. “Stealing” digital entertainment is a grey area especially if the guy is dead. I highly doubt the pirate police are tracking Earl Nightingale enthusiasts. They’re too busy hunting the Game of Thrones thieves.

 

Snoring

The dog is snoring right now and for some reason coming from her it’s adorable. When a human snores, all that you want to do is put a pillow over their face. A person snoring is like someone playing a trumpet poorly when no one wants to hear it. You give them a break though because it’s supposedly not their fault. Fault or not, in many circumstances in life the person of annoyance has to go or be killed. It’s not some psychopath’s fault that they love to kill people.

In a more uncivilized environment I’m sure the snorers would be the first to die by the hands of their own tribe. You would lay there at night hearing the rumbling and murder would come across your mind. Do we really need him? In the darkness of night no one would see and by morning no one would care. Celebration with silence. Goodnight.

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Caring

Someone caring about you is one thing and how much they care about you is another. Whether they do or not, and how much is a matter of belief. Perhaps there are people who care about me but more importantly to me is what does their caring do for me. When you’re not #1 in anyone’s life then you might as well be tied for 10th place with 5 other people. This is why people go to great lengths to have a partner in their life because in our culture the unwritten rule and assumption is that you will be each other’s #1.

To care about someone is just as vital to one’s existence but the feeling has to be believed to be mutual. Sometimes we may find ourselves in denial so that we can continue the train of caring. Once it stops there’s no steam and nowhere to go. Having only yourself to care about takes you only so far.

Feeling important is almost the same as people caring about you. If no one cares about you then it means you’re not important. If you’re not important then it feels that you have no reason to live. The further we move away from dependence with humans the less motivation we have to care about people.

When desperation kicks in, sometimes the standards are lowered and self-respect is up for sale. What does it matter when the other option is believed to be a life not worth living?

Poor Outcomes in Life

If you are unaware or don’t believe in statistics then you are likely to become one. I grew up with the same group of guys and continued the friendship well into adulthood. I know enough about every stage of their lives to make sense of them.

In the beginning you all appear to be at the same level mostly because grade school and the legalities of age confine you. Sure, Mike might have all the swimming badges but who cares. John is an honour roll student but his grades aren’t doing anything for him right now. Dave’s grades suck and he’s good at nothing except thievery but he’s still in the same grade as Mike and John. Everyone’s future is still speculative.

Once you’re out of high school you’re free to fly as much as you are free to do nothing. From there it’s a slow rise or descent which makes being able to see the future vast disparities of inevitable outcomes difficult especially with the large dose of ego of a 20 -something-year-old.

Once time has somewhat settled the dust it all starts to make sense. It may have always made sense but to make sense you need knowledge and rationality. Broken homes and poverty is a killer combination. If you have one or the other you can get by at least with the appearance anyway. If you have both you’re a coin toss. You’re either in trouble or at best on the low-end of average. If you become the latter they’ll say, “you turned out okay.” What they really mean is that you could be a lot worse.

The few guys in the group from disadvantaged upbringings show the same thing in common. None of us had that strong enough desire or the capability to become successful or even that average guy in society. Perhaps it’s having no one to disappoint or to impress, having less fear of failure or some kind of brain wiring. Maybe if you don’t get what you need when you were young you can’t move on. I think the pitfall was using average as the barometer for success and competency.

Everyone else is living that typical life of marriage and a career. Even if they are miserable doing it or will be that’s considered normal. For them the want is there and strong. You don’t have to be happy to be considered a functional and competent adult in society.

Your early upbringing can retard your development or point it in a different direction. It might not necessarily be a bad thing but it’s not like most people. If you want to function well with society though you have to be like most people.