How to Be Happy

Or “how to not be so miserable.”  As your spiritual guru, I am going to bestow upon to you what the Eightfold Path may not have been able to accomplish.  I have brought you many other inspirational and enlightening posts such as The Purpose of Life , Being Happy and Getting HIgh isn’t True Happiness?  As a lover of life, I would like all others to be happy as well and if I can provide such a service then I must.

The secret to being happy is to NOT THINK.  Don’t ever attempt to turn the knob to 11.  Don’t turn it all the way down to 0 either but  leave it to around 2 or 3 cause  you don’t want to get smoked by a car or your balls ripped off by a dog.  See, if you have average brain power and use it to its full potential then you will likely come to the conclusion that life and people suck feces.  If your brain is not equipped with the thinking option then think all you want cause you’ll probably never see past anything that doesn’t make you feel good anyway.

Try it right now!  Resist thinking about how things really are and tell yourself it’s great!  You think your job is a drag?  “No it isn’t, no it isn’t, no it isn’t.”  The devil will find its way in if you let your guard down but you can push him away by chanting silently, “No it isn’t, No it isn’t.”  Coming home to no one but your bed, television and internet?  Tell yourself how great it is that you get to come home to your Sealy Posturepedic, futon or sleeping bag. “Oh man, I’m so lucky to have a bed. Yes I am, yes I am.”  The devil will come knocking and whisper, “you’re a loser. Everyone has a bed.  Only a dumbass wouldn’t be sad to be you.”  Perhaps he is correct but you know if you give him that satisfaction then you will lose.

Your brain is not meant to give you happiness for very long or very easily.  It is a tool to help you survive and remind you that your life is never good enough and can be better.  It will never be satisfied until it is convinced that you are at the top of your game.

While thinking or chanting to yourself about how great it is that you get running tap water, you will get thoughts of how you really know that you’re brainwashing yourself and implementing a strong sense of denial.  You have to tell these thoughts that you know the real truth but don’t care.

Please, chant with me.  “Life is good..I don’t care…Yes it is…Yes it is…Yes…it…..is…I have shoes…indoor heat…name brand toothpaste…ughh..ahhh…..Y…ughh..e..s….it…it..it…is (sobbing).”

Fake is Real

There is nothing that is real except life and death.  All the activities and ambitions we involve ourselves in are just games to occupy a mostly meaningless life.  It’s real to us cause it’s our daily existence but it’s all made up.  Fantasies to keep us ticking and to keep the world moving.  This is what life has become, a series of simulations for stimulation.

You have to accept and embrace life’s present reality in order to be a seemingly happy and functioning person.  Depression and sadness are so often linked directly and indirectly to not wanting to be part of regular society.

LIfe consists of Facebook, birthday parties, possessions, vacations, celebrity gossip,  reality TV which is not very realistic and raising children to do the equivalent of their era.  I don’t know if there’s much of a choice sometimes.  We don’t have tigers to slay, wars to fight, food to grow or natural disasters to prepare for that may wipe us out.  We do but someone else takes care of that for us or at least gives us the sense that they do.

We’re no longer trying to survive but instead, striving to create some story for ourselves that will provide us with a comfortable pillow to sleep with when we are old.  To look back on our lives and be able to convince ourselves that it was a life worthwhile.

Life is a game some of us aren’t very good at.  Not everyone can or wants to play the national sport of their country that is embraced by the majority.  If that is the case you have to find another game to play or not play at all.  It’s probably impossible to enjoy life without having people to enjoy it with.  If you want to be accepted and be warmly embraced by other people you have to want to play what they are playing.

How I Destroy Happiness

I’ve really never been that happy.  Although, I think it would be really difficult to know for sure, even if you thought you were.  I’ve had my moments I guess but even during those moments there was always something spoiling my party.  Even during those times when I should have been happy, I killed the possibility with my mindset.  My mind could never allow me to be happy if I didn’t see forever or at least long term with minimal drawbacks .

Almost everyone loves vacations.  Some even speak as if it’s the meaning of their existence.  As much as I enjoy travelling, the fact that I know it’s only a week or 2 away from regular reality, turns it into a hiatus instead of the time of my life.  I’m not the type to brag about all the places I’ve been to.  It doesn’t make me feel that my life was that much greater just because I’ve been here and there.  The vacations are just a blip in my life which is a life comprised of a mostly mundane and displeasing routine.  The memories and present moment don’t keep me that warm but I always feel the seemingly cold road ahead.

Ask me how the camping trip went and I’ll will give you an unenthusiastic response even if I enjoyed myself.  Ask someone else and they’ll probably tell you how “awesome!” it was.  Call it a survivalist mentality, in that once the moment is over, it doesn’t matter.  I’m always looking for security and I’ve never been close to it.  If I know an experience or benefit isn’t going to last then happiness is not possible and I’m not good at fooling myself.  When the inevitable misery is somewhere around the corner it will plague the carefree part of my mind.

I think as part of the animal species, we’re in love with forever.  If we can’t have it then we often tell ourselves we do.  It’s easy to plan for a secure mundane future but a future free from misery and a gloomy uncertainty is like winning the lottery.  I’m just not good at telling myself everything is going to be alright when it’s just wishful thinking.

It seems like no matter what we accomplish it’s never over.  You can’t have a girlfriend or wife and just put your feet up and do whatever you please.  You graduate from university and land a good job but you still have to work for a long time.  Yes, you make $100,000 a year but you won’t if you stop going to work.  You go on vacation and when you arrive home you are greeted by a nice sign that says, “Welcome back to Hell.  We’ve missed you.”  Every time you have someone telling you “congratulations” it’s just the beginning of a long road.

It’s even worse now since I don’t believe in much anymore.  When someone is being nice to me or feeding me words of kindness, it’s pretty much just ‘whatever’ to me.  I used to get caught up in those kinds of moments and carry them in my back pocket to comfort me, believing that I meant something to some people and my life had significance.  It was positive reinforcement for the religion I worshipped which had no name.  Some may call it life.

I just received a text message 30 seconds ago from a friend who invited me to his place for Thanksgiving.  It’s like this post was meant to be or something.  Thanksgiving happens a little earlier in Canada.   “It would be nice to hang out” he writes.  No it wouldn’t.  This get together would just be positive reinforcement for his idea of what friends are suppose to do.  In his head, as long as it looks good on paper it’s good enough.  What? Yes, I know, it’s possibly the most negative and cynical outlook on a seemingly friendly invitation.

When you have ‘friends’ that have been in your life for 20 plus years and you come to the sad realization that the definition of friends is whatever people want it to be depending on their situation, you lose faith in the idea of friends and people in general.   I may be cynical and negative or other people might just be ignorant or even oblivious.

I always see bullshit.  When other people see cool, special, meaningful, I see crap.  Crap and meaningful are very similar in that it’s warm at first and then it gets colder until one day it finally breaks apart.

Of course this might be just me.  I’m sure other people do back flips every time they hit a new milestone in life.  The Buddhists always preach about being in the moment and not to agonize about the future cause it doesn’t exist.  I suppose there’s some truth to it but it really only works better in theory most of the time.  Perhaps you can’t predict the future in detail but it’s either going to be good, bad or somewhere in between.

So what will make me happy?  A new brain or to be whisked away to a fairytale existence where magic is always possible.  I don’t care what anyone says, winning the lottery would make me happier forever.  I’m Chinese, I’m good with my money.

Feeling good to be happy

The idea of happiness is different for all cultures but also the same for all humans.  It’s not about what you have but how you feel about your life.  It usually has a lot to do with how your life compares to what you think the average is.  To feel good you have to feel like a winner or at least a ranked player.  On paper it would appear that you have won if you live in a first world country compared to someone in a third world country but it doesn’t seem like winning if you don’t compete with people who have at least some chance to achieve the same opportunities.  The starving kid in Africa feels good and happy when they eat 2 meals in one day but the same can’t be said for most in the western world.

Everyone always talks about “be happy with what you have” or “who cares what other people think” but it seems we can’t be happy unless we think other people think we should be happy.  We need approval from our community.  A community that can be your household, neighbourhood, work and even new people you meet.  That’s why people lie so often when you first meet them.  They exaggerate and hide aspects about their job, past, life in general cause they don’t think their life fits the model of a happy life.  The life everyone wants to have.  They don’t feel good about their life.

People will do anything to try to feel good about themselves just for the feeling that it will enhance their resume of life.  The accomplishments and travels are suppose to elevate the worthiness of their life.  I was hearing over the radio recently about how people are driving to Death Valley cause of the record breaking temperatures just so they can say they were there.  I don’t know, I don’t see the bragging rights from that.  There’s also this marathon in Death Valley during the hottest time of the year that some people like to do.  135 miles in 40 something degree celsius weather.  So hot that people are advised to run on the white painted lines instead of the asphalt otherwise their shoes might melt.  No prize money just a belt buckle for the ones who complete the course and the good feeling that comes along with it cause how many people can say they’ve ever done that?

All those people who are sad about their lives cause they see their job, disability, family, friends, loneliness are worse compared to most people they associate with, would feel a whole lot better or even “happy” if all those people suddenly had it worse than them.  I guess it comes back to the idea that acceptance is a big part of what we think happiness is.

We feel good when we accomplish tough, time consuming tasks that bring a reward cause it makes us feel competent.  You fought and you triumphed over adversity which will bring you admiration from others cause you’re going to make sure people know about it.

You have to sort of think that the things that we chase which we think will bring us happiness are usually what everyone else seems to be chasing as well.  Coincidence?  Doubt it.  So yes you are probably doing what you are doing cause everyone else is doing it.  You’re not as individualistic as you like to think you are just cause your favourite colour is puke green.  People approving and admiring your life equals happy.  People making fun of you, making you feel uncomfortable, awkward silence equals not happy.

The way I feel is this feeling good to be happy game comes with a lot of stiff competition no matter where in the world you are.  Feeling good is like clean drinking water.  Everyone wants it but not everyone can have it.

Is it possible Happiness does not exist?

I’ll admit I have believed in happiness for 98% of my life.  The last 6 months or less being the 2%.  My belief in happiness was similar to that of  someone who believes in Jesus.  You believe it exists but have never seen it and neither has anyone else you know of.  However, you’ve seen it in movies and people always preach that you can find it.  No matter how many years go by without real evidence you just keep on believing.

I’m not so sure anymore.  Well, I think I am sure.  I don’t think it exists.  Not the everlasting kind that we’re all looking for and for sure not for most of us.  Definitely there’s spurts of happiness here and there but that’s just the same as getting high or drunk.  We’re looking for one long semi euphoric rush that never meets a come down.

If you think about it, “happiness” is just a word to describe a feeling.  There was once a time that no such word existed.  Maybe the idea of being happy only existed when the word was invented.  Happiness could just be a fairy tale.

Telling someone happiness does not exist is like telling a 5 year old, Santa Claus doesn’t exist or a die hard Christian that Jesus does not exist.  They won’t believe it and won’t even entertain the idea.  Who wants to believe the one thing that everyone is striving for does not exist?

The way I see it is, happiness is like the dangling carrot.  We’re designed to desire it and chase it but not have it for very long if at all.  You may have heard before that we were all meant to be happy.  No we weren’t.  We were all meant to ensure the survival of our species and to continually figure out ways to enhance it.  Since when did anyone design anything for the sole purpose of someone else’s happiness?  The universe does not give a shit about your happiness.  It’s just a lure to get you to reproduce, continue eating and to search for a more comfortable habitat.

We want to believe in happiness because we spend so much of our lives not being happy and struggling for some kind of peace.  We want to think there is a light at the end of the tunnel that is worth fighting for.  Perhaps we’re not miserable but we’re not usually flying high and that’s where we’d rather be.  That’s why we snort, drink, rectally induce and swallow.  But that’s not real happiness, right?  It’s as real as any other happiness..short and depressing after.

Why is it happiness is different for everyone and everywhere?  Howcome it’s not like 2 + 2 = 4?  You see  some of these 3rd world inhabitants on TV saying how happy they are even though they work so hard for barely enough to eat and they sleep on dirt.  Are they telling the truth? Were they just having a good day?  I don’t know.  Possibly they feel happy because they get the high feeling more easily.  Daddy brings home an apple for 4 of them to share and they go bonkers.

The whole happiness idea is more of a developed nation thing.  When it’s so easy to survive we get bored and then we get unhappy because there’s so much time on our hands.  If surviving is so easy then what?  How about finding happiness!

Happiness is this memory and dream that we chase.  Our monkey brains are designed to go after these things that we think will make us happy.  When you think back on the times you were happy, you want to go back to those times.  You want to recreate them for your future.  You watch movies and see these people so damn happy and you’re convinced if you lived a life closer to theirs you would be happy too.

I think the happiness that people chase comes in the form of envy and acceptance.  You try to be the best you can be in your community.  Trying to be happy is really just trying to enhance your community and yourself.  The feeling of envy and admiration from your community is the happiness people are chasing.  I don’t think you can be “happy” by doing nothing.

The most unhappiest thing one can do is chase something that doesn’t exist and fail miserably.  Believing that there is possibly no such thing as happiness provides me with a sense of relief.  Screw you nature, I’m not falling for your dirty trick any longer.  I must sound like such a miserable SOB.  Hahaha.

I do believe though there are some lucky ones out there that live a mostly happy life.  I sort of believe this because there’s people out there who are always depressed no matter what so isn’t it possible there’s some out there who are almost always happy?  Like a lean mean serotonin machine? Who knows.  The thing about happiness is that just like religion, science cannot disprove it.  As long as it cannot be disproven people will always believe in it.

Although I don’t really believe in happiness like I did before, I will welcome it anytime and entertain the possibility because I can’t help myself.  Just like when powdered, pilled or liquid happiness comes around, I just say yes.

Just wanted to say that I don’t rectally induce anything but if you do it is ok.  It gets to the bloodstream faster that way.

 

Quick thought on happiness

Thinking about all the people I have known very well my whole life and not one has ever came across as being happy for very long especially in their adult years.  However, all the people I don’t know so well and hardly ever see almost always give the appearence they are happy as hell.  “How you doing?” They always reply “Good!”or “fantastic!”

Guess it’s either I surrounded myself with sad saps or everyone else is playing pretend.

Being Happy

That is suppose to be the ultimate goal in life.  Without it nothing that you do or have done will matter.  It doesn’t matter if your life is the envy of everyone cause if you’re not happy then you failed.

It seems though the majority of people in society are not really aiming to live happily but instead do things that will make them feel good about themselves.

It’s like the grand idea is to be able to look back at your life and be able to give yourself the nod of approval rather than live a life where happiness was the majority of your mental state.  To successfully find a way to convince yourself that your accomplishments were great and your shortcomings were justified.

It seems like the idea is to get to the top of some mountain no matter how long and agonizing the climb is cause everyone is so impressed about where you went, what you did, numbers and titles.  It doesn’t matter that you spent a painful 8 years in university, another handful establishing your career, another 5 being depressed, a few more battling a disease.  All that matters is that you accomplished certain things that people tend to respect.

If you have nothing to brag about to people then you failed in life even if you spent it being mostly merry with hardly any misery.  Life is like a video game where the higher the level you reach the better your life.  You can’t just be happy playing level 1 all your life and be able to consider it a good life.  Why not?  Cause no one is impressed by that.  Some kind of human instinct tells us that we’ve failed when we didn’t strive to win the rat race.

I guess a happy life can be all relative.  If a starving African family found a secret underground Burger King somewhere in their village they’d feel pretty good about their lives and could tell themselves they lived a happy life.

In the Western world you need to be all you can be or be lucky like a spoiled rich kid.  It’s like happiness is dependent on the views of the people around you or like you.

I can see why some people just pick up and leave to another city or into the woods.  It’s like a weight off your shoulders.  Leave all the judgement behind and the people who are always sizing you up.  No matter where you go though your mind goes with you.  I guess the secret is to not give a shit.

Don’t worry be happy?

Getting high isn’t true happiness?

If you were to ask someone why they get high they’d probably say something like, “cause it makes me happy.”  Detractors to this kind of talk would probably say something like, “but that’s not true happiness.”  Then what is true happiness?

In our society most would say having a wife, kids, friends and doing something in life you enjoy.  Well, I say whatever to that.  If you look at it from another angle all these things can be pretty similar to finding happiness by snorting a a big line of cocaine.  But that happiness doesn’t last, right?  No it doesn’t that’s why you have to do another one.

Are you telling me though, all these people you have in your life you associate with true happiness last forever?  Not always and not really.  Lets say though all these people stick around for the rest of your life.  Are those relationships just as great and genuine as they always were?  Did you have to go through some kind of misery just to keep them around?  Or is it all just like the highs and lows of a drug habit? I bet in order to maintain all those relationships it costs more than a drug habit.  You think your wife and kids are cheaper than a drug habit? They’re probably harder to get rid of too if you wanted to get rid of them.

So instead of trying to find happiness the old fashioned way you may want to look into just getting high instead cause they’re both just as real.  I don’t really believe this. hahahaha..  or do I?

 

 

 

Why the heck are we suppose to find happiness?

I just think it’s a weird statement? Is happiness suppose to be like food?  You have to go out and search for it or you won’t have any?  I feel like it’s a  pretty dirty trick that’s put on us if that’s the case.

Possibly back in the beginning, life was so simple that it was much easier to be happy even if you had to attain it some how.  There wasn’t such a disconnect from society or your community cause no one was separated by houses and miles of concrete.  Your biggest day to day goal in life was to not starve to death.

These days we get thrown into this mess of a life without much good guidance usually and are left to figure this life out on our own quite often.  Our most frequent life coaches are TV, other sources of media and the people around us who are usually just as confused as ourselves.   We don’t ever practice simplicity but instead follow the herd to complicate our lives just cause we can with the illusion that it will make us happier.

I’m sitting here on the couch wondering about this and trying to figure it all out but it’s not easy.  I’m thinking once our basic needs are met shouldn’t we be happy until we’re hungry again?  Or is there this primal human instinct that keeps pushing us to get more once we’re comfortable that puts happiness on the back burner until total security is met?

I find people search for happiness by trying to be the best in their little circle of people.  So is that where happiness is?  Trying to be the alpha?  These primal instincts of ours are always clashing with this unnatural world we live.  Perhaps we live too long to be able to always be happy easily.  Imagine if we were only meant to live until about 20 or 30?  Or if we had no idea how long we would live until?  We’d be living for the day and not for the next 30 years.  We only do all these things cause we know probably that we’re going to live to about 70ish.  If it was 30ish instead, life would be short and sweet.  No 25 year mortgages, 30 years of working, retirement savings plan, no agonizing about what we’re going to do with our lives cause our near future would be death.  I guess part of the problem is that we know too much.  Ignorance is bliss sometimes.

 

 

 

 

Are you happy?

How do most people come up with an answer when they are asked this?  I have a few theories.

A common one is to never show weakness and always say “yes.”  Doesn’t matter if their husband left them for a younger woman or if their wife left them for a big black man last week, they will always say, “yes.”

Probably the most common one is trying to figure out their happiness on paper and then root on the side of happy.  It’s like paper happiness.  You would think of things in your life you like vs the things in your life you don’t like so much and if there is more wins in the happy column then you’re happy.  If the happy column is losing and it’s the 4th quarter you just have to trick yourself and add some ringers to that team.  You always hear people say something like, “ummm ya, overall I’m happy.”  Isn’t it you’re happy or you’re not?  I don’t know, I guess you can be so so happy and so so not so happy.  I think in this kind of situation there’s probably a big aspect of their life they don’t like but they have something that keeps them going like kids or retirement.  Or beer.

To show you I’m not completely cynical, negative or too real I do think there’s a good number of people who are genuinely pretty happy.  They will tell you they’re happy cause that’s just how they usually feel.  I can’t say I’m that way.  I generally have a “whatever’ feeling or when I’m feeling positive I’ll say, “I can’t complain.”  I’m too honest.  That’s why it’s so hard for me to get a date.

I think to be one of those genuinely happy people you really have to be living life the way you want.  You have to have supportive and accepting people around you.  Staying healthy by sleeping, eating and exercise always helps too especially when you get older.  You definitely can’t be concerned with keeping up with the Joneses.  Being able to let go is a big one too.  Not just with past situations but with thoughts and ideas that hold you down.  Being selfish don’t help at all either.  Being able to give just to make someone else happy and to not even expect appreciation shows there’s at least some happiness in you for sure.

So am I happy?  I definitely can’t define myself as happy.  I don’t feel it.  I’m very happy about some things but happiness is not usually my state of mind.  Although, I’m going through something right now that is somewhat depressing me but I don’t feel like talking about it here.  I do remember though just a while back when I had not much and nothing plaguing my mind, I was pretty happy.  I had next to no social life and stayed home a lot but I was feeling very positive.  Looking towards a more spiritual path did wonders for me.  I guess I’m not immune to the bruises from the bumps on the road of life.  I guess like everything else though it will pass.  Like gas.