There was a piece of dental floss stuck between my molars for 2 days that found its way out today. Of course I had to smell it and I guess of course it freaking reeked. It had been marinating in bacteria with the help of acidic saliva. It stunk so badly that I had to smell it multiple times. I suppose it’s similar to having a cotton ball stuck up your ass for 2 days — it’s going to stink really bad. The first thing I did after was brush my teeth and then rinsed with mouthwash. The second thing I did was walk to the supermarket to buy another bottle of mouthwash as I intend to use it regularly again.
The manager at the volunteer office emailed me today to inform me that I have reached 1000 hours of community service. Let’s see Jesus deny me entry through the pearly gates once I show him my credentials. I don’t think he can.
My recent behaviour is leading me to believe that I might give up on life sooner rather than later. There’s been an increase in consumption of microwavable frozen meals. At least with fast food I would have to make a trip and expend calories each time I wanted food. With MFMs I can stockpile them until the zombies come home and never have to venture out into the dangerous world for fuel for weeks. To add to this trend I have been contemplating supplementing with meal replacement drinks which don’t even need to be microwaved or chewed. What’s stopping me is that I don’t like the price for a 6-pack of Boost or Ensure. I believe it would be much cheaper if I just drink a glass of milk with a multi-vitamin.
Lately, I’ve been working but not working hard, on trying to not be such an ungrateful son of a bitch. People typically believe that they will be happy forever once they get what they think they want. In many unfortunate cases, people achieve their ‘dream’ by unknowingly signing their life away to a temporary high. Nothing will make you happy forever but many things can make you miserable forever. Hopefully, you like some of what you have, and if you don’t, hopefully you have a way out.
I like the following comment from a YouTube video:
I’m near their age. I’m 81 years old. One thing that brings you happiness in old age that is hard for a young person to understand, is however my life has played out, I got the chance. By the time you’re 81, you know dozens of people that died much younger, in their 30’s and 40’s and 50’s from accidents, suicide, rare diseases, you name it. So just by being alive still, my heart fills with gratefulness that I got at least 81 years to experience life. When I was young, I would have thought that sounded pathetic, to be so easily made happy that waking up and having chats, or reading the paper, or walking outside would fill me with joy. When you’re young, that’s never enough. You feel like you need to leave your mark and make a big name for yourself. But a funny thing happens as you age. You live long enough to see some people you know become big shots, became rich or famous in some way, but most aren’t made much happier by it, and some become lost when the notoriety fades. And then loving life for the small things starts to shift from feeling pathetic and small, to feeling wise and full. In fact, if life has taught me anything, it’s that the reason we’re here is to be present with the priviledge of each moment, as much as possible. Thinking about your goals tomorrow matter of course, and cherishing yesterday’s memories. But more than anything, I think what has kept me healthy and happy is appreciating the priviledge of each moment. When you’re a little kid, that’s how you think. You appreciate recess at school, or going down a sliding board, or a walk through the woods. DON’T LOSE THAT. That, whatever that is, is the reason we’re here. Being connected to small moments so strongly that they feel large. If you can do that well, you can enjoy being 80 as much as 40 or 20.
So, if there is an absence of a good reason to hate your life then don’t hate your life. If your life could easily be much worse then be thankful. Today may be as good as it gets. Something to remember when your mind starts spiraling towards negativity for no useful reason.