In previous Canadian generations, people were forced to fight wars and risk getting their balls blown away. The closest resemblance to war for myself has been having to wear a mask for a year and getting a vaccine shot not in my balls. The morning of my vaccine shot appointment I woke up with a sore right shoulder. That same day I retired with a sore left deltoid from the shot. Sleeping has been slightly more difficult. Woe is me. Do you feel sorry for me yet? This is what trench foot must have felt like. Maybe in 20 years people will wear poppies on their deltoid to give thanks for our sacrifices.
Immediately after my vaccine shot they put a small bandage on me which reminded me today of how Uncle Bill thought bandages were for pussies. He didn’t use that terminology but it must have been what he thought since he always advised me to not wear one. “If you wear one of those the wound won’t scab up.” I took the bandage off today to find there wasn’t even a dot of blood.
With cameras everywhere anyone of us can get our 15 seconds of fame. If you wear a bear costume and steal parcels off of people’s doorstep, you’re almost guaranteed to get on the news. If you don’t want to be a thief in a bear costume then you can take a shit on people’s doorstep instead. If it’s not illegal to wear a bear costume in public then what’s stopping any of us from wearing one every day? If I had an employer and a bear costume, I would wear it to work and say to my manager, “if he can wear a dress and she can wear makeup then why can’t I wear my bear costume?” They’ll pause because they’re afraid of a lawsuit and bad publicity. They’ll call their legal department to confirm if wearing a bear costume violates any contract that I signed but they’ll be lost with the definition of “inappropriate.” Does my bear costume offend anyone? Probably not. It’s unorthodox but so was Marvin’s dress 5 years ago. I identify as a bear so go F yourself. They’ll be lucky if I even speak at all because on most occasions I’ll just roar.