Food

Last night, like a nerd, I was watching the replay of the Berkshire Hathaway annual meeting and one of the old guys was eating peanut brittle. I’m not very aware of what peanut brittle is but it strikes me as something all old white people know about like crumpets and sarsaparillas. I’m going to buy peanut brittle tomorrow is what I thought at that moment. At the mall today, the woman at the chocolate shop said peanut brittle is a seasonal item. Godiva is no longer operating there since covid happened but peanut brittle is probably too untrendy for them anyway. When brick & mortar lets you down then you must resort to the internet. Amazon sells peanut brittle but at roughly $30 CAD/lb. I may try it for shits & giggles. If you have stories of your grandfather and peanut brittle, please comment below.

My province has been in a lockdown for a month which means no indoor dining. These lockdowns have been saving me money. If I do takeout I go to McDonald’s because they offer me specials on their app. $2 Big Macs or go fist yourself. I’ve been using disposable gloves to eat my Big Macs so that I don’t get grease and sauce all over my hands. I probably look weird but I’m quite sure that I’m brilliant and people will follow my lead. Along the journey of greatness you have to be able to walk alone while everyone walks away from you.

There was a day last week when I made homemade macaroni & cheese which I ate all of it that same day. Also on that same day I had a Mcflurry fake ice cream from McDonald’s. Also on that same day I almost shit my pants 1 hour after the Mcflurry. I had to abruptly leave a conversation with the clerk working at the nearby liquor store. A wise person once said, “when one thinks they might shit themselves, nothing else in the world matters.” I think it was Confucius who said that. It’s not very economical to make your own macaroni & cheese vs the frozen type especially if you end up shitting yourself after. What do you do with underwear drenched in diarrhea anyway? Do you wash them in the bathtub and make 3rd world drinking water or do you put them in a bag and dispose of them in a public trash can? Does someone you know see you and ask, “hey, what do you got in there?” Do you say, “I shit myself just now so I’m throwing away the underwear.” “Oh,” they say. Does that person ever look at you the same again?

Scenario #2: That someone asks you what you have in the bag and you suspiciously say “nothing.” They don’t quite believe you so they come back later to the scene of the crime and dig up that bag to find your poo laden underwear. Joke is on them.

The quality of cheese is the most crucial ingredient

Disclaimer: The author is long Berkshire Hathaway, Amazon and McDonald’s shares at the time of this writing.

5 comments on “Food

  1. Lkvy says:

    I hope watching the Berkshire Hathaway meeting was as fun to watch as the Handforth Parish Council meeting.

    Make your own peanut brittle!

    Like

    • MrJohnson says:

      I’m not sure if this parish council meeting is supposed to be boring or not. It sounds like it’s supposed to be but an internet search shows some interesting results.

      I would like you to make peanut brittle along with
      a report and have it on my desk by 9 AM Friday morning.

      Like

      • Lkvy says:

        You should watch it! It’s a bunch of confused British Boomers getting upset over nothing.

        I won’t touch peanuts, so you’re on your own!

        Like

  2. Peanut brittle is my favorite candy, I guess that makes me an old white person. It’s gone from every checkout candy rack in America. Recently I spotted a pseudo peanut brittle bar though. It was deceiving, it looked like peanut brittle on the wrapper. It was disgusting, a weird orange color, overly-sweet, with a nasty chemical kick. Making it myself or ordering online both seem excessive, so I had to move on to Snickers, poor me. Everything is so overdone now. Like people seem to want jalapenos in everything here. Yuck.

    Like

    • MrJohnson says:

      I recently asked an old white lady if she had ever had peanut brittle. She sounded so excited to tell me that her mother used to make it for her and that it was the first thing her cooking class taught her to make.

      If I lived in America I would order them from See’s. It’s supposed to be authentic! Everything is cheaper in America including the shipping.

      https://www.sees.com/peanut-brittle/200370.html

      Like

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