Low on Conscientiousness(Lazy)

Since watching lectures on the Big Five personality traits I have been analyzing myself as well as the people I’ve been well-acquainted with in regards to conscientiousness. Being hardworking is not necessarily the same as being conscientious but I do believe they go together most of the time.

To not much surprise I rank low on the conscientious/hardworking category which would explain a lot. Opposites will view the world with opposite lenses. When you are lazy you will see work as an obstacle which may or may not be worth it to reach an objective. Convincing a lazy person that all they have to do is put in the work is like telling a short person to become tall. You cannot expect to alter non-physical aspects of a person just because it would be more beneficial to them. If a person does not understand something, it’s possible they never will no matter how much you explain it to them. It just needs to be accepted that some people will not be able to dunk an intellectual basketball even if you provide them with a ladder. Some people are just smarter than others.

If you’re a non-hardworking person, your chances of being successful in anything fulfilling decreases substantially. Marriage is hard work. Raising children is hard work. A well-paying career is hard work. Some university degrees are not very useful but they mostly imply that you can only be so lazy. You might have friends because you can tell friends to screw off and just bounce in and out of their lives. If you are non-hardworking you might be okay in life but if you are lazy then not only are your chances of a fulfilling life decreased substantially, your chances of living a horrible life increase significantly.

From Wikipedia: People who score low on conscientiousness tend to be laid back, less goal-oriented, and less driven by success; they also are more likely to engage in antisocial and criminal behavior.

Ding Ding Ding Ding

The enormous edge that hardworking people have is that they typically can endure long stretches of boring and painful work. I mostly want what everyone else wants but I’m not willing to do the work. If my aversion to boring work could be measured it would almost be considered a recognized disability. Knowing how non-industrious I am prevents me from being very interested in anything that I believe will require me to work endless grueling hours for multiple decades.

To this day I have never known anyone to be lazy well into their adult years and turn the other direction for very long. I believe the opposite is true as well. My advice to people who score low on conscientiousness is to accept it and face the probable fact that you cannot survive an environment of unsatisfying work for very long. One option is to go 100% into what will motivate you regardless of the risks. This only works well though if you don’t have a low IQ to go along with your laziness. The other option is to try to get through life by slacking off whenever the opportunity arises. The latter will always be there for you.

Sick in the Mind

Last night I felt my throat was slightly scratchy which turned on the covid thoughts. Even if it was something other than covid I would have to behave responsibly until I was certain. It occured to me what a hassle it would be so I’m reminding you all to not get sick because if you have any covid symptoms you have to live like you’re an unstable, deadly biological weapon. These days if you sneeze within blast radius of other people it will be more frowned upon than if you let out a loud, deadly fart.

Imagine if you were diagnosed with the virus. You would have to isolate yourself, cancel all plans, contact all of the people you spat on and agonize over the possibility that you infected someone you know that you don’t hate.

This morning I did a test swallow and was relieved to feel no scratchy throat. I believe it was the peanuts I ate that caused a false positive, or maybe I just overreacted. It’s comforting to know that I can freely walk around and only be a fart threat. If someone yells at me for releasing a deadly fart, I could reply, “it’s better than breathing in vapour particles, right?” He/she will laugh and concur.

It will be a priority now to keep my immune system healthy by ensuring proper sleep and diet. Proper diet in this scenario doesn’t necessarily mean healthy foods; it means ensuring I’m well-fed for the circumstances. Hunger means weakness. Over using body-weakening substances is also out of the question so no more drinking wine out of the bottle while waiting for the crystal meth up my butt to kick in.

Winning, Losing, Spraying COVID

So my $100 wager on the presidential election appears to be good except that on the betting site it has the result as ‘pending’ because Trump will not tap out. He’s a stubborn SOB.

I have heard more than once that buying lottery tickets is a mathematically stupid endeavour. It’s hard to argue with that but is there any other way a person can win millions of dollars by spending only a few? Also, is there another way for unambitious people to achieve the feeling of winning the lottery jackpot? I don’t think so. I don’t make it a habit to buy lotto. I only buy a few lines if I happen to be at a lotto center on the day of a draw. If I ever win I will shut this blog down and write a book. It will be published by one of the top publishers not because it will be a masterpiece but because I paid them to. It will be titled, “I Win, You Lose” and listed under the self-hurt section. Anti-depressant prescriptions will skyrocket.

Since the beginning of this pandemic the information on how the virus spreads changes often. The current newish information is that infections almost always occur indoors when people are gathered for a prolonged period. The theory is that the longer someone is breathing out their covid particles and the longer that the surrounding people are exposed to those particles, the greater chance there will be infections. In this type of environment, masks are not very effective. What can increase the probability of infection is when infected people are shouting or laughing. New slogan: Wear a mask and shut your face! I theorize that if people learn to breathe slowly or breathe as little as possible while gathered indoors, it will reduce infections.

It has become very apparent to me that rushes of motivation always come around bedtime. I tell myself that I will do all sorts of things the next day but when the sun rises my motivation goes to sleep. The lesson here is that people often do not follow through when it comes time to. Perhaps the brain is programmed to create dopamine possibilities any chance it gets. It lets you go to bed without making you feel like the loser you really are, tricking you a little bit that you might have a reason to show your face the next day.

The Other Side has Greener Grass

Recently, I found a napkin from 10 years ago that had the names and email addresses of unfamiliar family members. As a person with not much to do I initiated an investigation. These two cousins of mine are from my father’s side, a father who I have never met. At the time of introduction 10 years ago they showed sincere interest in getting to know me. I think people have a soft spot for long lost blood relatives. There’s a belief that if you share blood you automatically should have a connection.

My investigation found that the slightly younger cousin is a doctor of mathematics and is a professor at some university in England. He’s published research papers that have titles so nerdy it would make your brain explode trying to figure it out. Cousin #2 is slightly older than I am and he’s some kind of lawyer at a big accounting firm where he is also a partner. Their parents get to say that their sons became a doctor and a lawyer. Although, dissecting algorithms probably isn’t what comes to mind when people think of a doctor.

It was depressing to be made aware of this information. It made me wonder if I would have been better off if I was never retrieved from being abducted by my father. All the male cousins on my mother’s side are losers. Out of 5 Asian males there are zero of us who completed a post secondary education. That statistic may not exist in any other Asian family. It should almost be considered a disability.

I wasn’t aware of it at the time but when I told cousins that I worked at UPS(semi-lie) they probably thought I was a loser. Ph.D, law degree vs my driver’s license. Perhaps, they were thoughtful enough to think that their uncle impaired my potential for life. While their status has risen since our last meeting 10 years ago, mine has fallen to being unemployed. But do either of them have a blog since 2012? Highly unlikely. While math cousin has been writing equations for the vibration frequency of the rings of Saturn, I’ve been writing my nonsense on the internet for nobody to read. Can he come up with an equation for that?

I’m not as sad about this as I’m making it out to be. I felt like writing a post and it’s more interesting to be melancholy than it is to be positive. I’m glad to see that those two assholes are doing well.

Sad Halloween

Several years ago a person I’m no longer friends with tried to convince me that by not associating with him or with other members of our group it would be “unhealthy.” This came from a guy who has had high blood pressure since his 20s as well as rage issues when under the influence of alcohol due to his lack of control with his professional and personal life. He’s in his 40s now and I’d wager that nothing much has changed for him. He’s one of those guys who will always make the cowardly decision, the decision that is most comfortable at the moment, hoping that it will work out. My blood pressure is fine and always has been.

There’s an old lady with dementia I sometimes see at the park where I walk my dog. Every time I see her she asks the same questions and tells me the same story of how she got her dog. Every time I pretend I’m hearing it for the first time. Yesterday though, she spoke more about her life in detail. She told me that she had been an alcoholic from the ages of 18 to 60. What was more interesting was that she was a high school teacher for 35 years and was hungover every day. I asked her if she kept a mickey of liquor in her desk. “No, no,” she laughingly replied. She went on to tell me that she drove her car drunk a lot but luckily never crashed. The moral of the story is that you shouldn’t listen to anyone who tells you that you can’t be an alcoholic and make it in life.

Halloween was a big disappointment. I loaded up on chocolates and only 1 kid came by the house. Parents may or may not have known that transmission of the covid virus is very difficult to contract when outdoors especially if precautions are taken. I suppose their rationale was, ‘why take a chance for cheap chocolate.’ It’s more dangerous to send your kids to sit in a classroom but parents need a free babysitter more than they need fun sized chocolate bars. To balance the budget and to punish parents, I’m not going to give out chocolate next Halloween. They can go freak themselves. I put 4 chocolates in each small bag to show that I care and the community repays me by ditching me. It brought back a flood of trauma from when no one came to my 14th birthday party. My tears put out all 14 candles on the birthday cake.