Breakfast was a salad made from swiss chard picked from my garden
The movie theatre reopened recently and is charging only $5 to watch a film. Tuesday was usually the discount day and today was no different. A ticket to watch a film today was less than $3! I felt guilty that it was so cheap. It almost felt like stealing money from a homeless person.
Remember that girl who asked me to hold a camera for her that I have listed on Craigslist? She was supposed to show up yesterday but she didn’t, like the piece of carp that she obviously is. No email, text…nothing. I’m sure she made up a justification in her head so that she wouldn’t feel like a piece of carp. She’s the type of piece of carp that would pay $2.50 to watch a movie in a theatre and not feel bad about it. She would also probably take a shit in the movie theatre washroom that charged her only $2.50 to watch a film and not flush. Because she’s a piece of stinkin carp.
Coincidentally, someone else responded to my camera ad yesterday showing interest. I don’t usually believe in coincidences so I entertained the possibility that these two girls were gaming me. My guard came down when this girl revealed her skills. After a couple emails, she sends this one:
Would you accept $100? if not then $120 would be my offer for the camera!
Did she just lowball me and then offer me more without waiting to see if I would accept?
I told her that I was sticking with $150 for now since I had a couple other people interested who would get back to me the next day. No one else was interested. I just told her that so she would get FOMO(fear of missing out). I knew there was a good possibility all of this would marinate overnight and she would make another offer.
She emailed me this morning.
Sorry again, wondering if there are any updates! If not, I am willing to pay $150 for it (after I gave it some thought last night)
For the second time today, I felt guilty. I’m never going to be able to run a Ponzi scheme. Hats off to Bernie Madoff for pulling it off for at least 17 years. People only see the results, they never think about the work it took to get the results. She was on time, a young, short, chubby, innocent-looking Asian girl. After a few minutes of showing her the different operations of the camera, she handed me $150. I gave her back $20 and told her to buy some film with it.
Now, getting back to that piece of carp girl. If she contacts me again about the camera I should tell her that I still have it and am so glad she responded. So glad that I’ll even lower the price for her. I’ll then arrange to meet her somewhere out of the way….and….not show up! Put that in your flaky pipe and smoke it. I know where she works so I’ll show up at her desk and take a crap on it. “This is how it feels when you don’t show up when you’re supposed to!” She’ll reply, “you didn’t have to do that.” By this time she’s fearing for her life, regretting being the piece of carp that she was and probably always is. And I’ll say, “you didn’t have to not show up!” I’ll walk out without even wiping my ass just to show how much I don’t give a shit.
10 years later she’ll track me down and give me a hug. “You know, because of you I changed my piece of carp ways. If it weren’t for you I would still be asking people to hold items for a week and not follow through.” I’ll accept her apology and grant her permission to have my name tattooed on her left buttock.