Friday Night Thoughts

There’s videos of Asian toddlers on YouTube playing piano like they’re masters. Apparently there’s a saying,

Roses are red
Violets are blue
There’s always an Asian
Who is better than you

Gazelles run fast so they do. Giraffes have long necks so they use them. I have a human brain so I used it to do as little as possible. My clock is one hour ahead right now because I told myself daylight savings will just correct it in a few months.

If I was sitting around a table with people my age I wouldn’t have very much to brag about. I’m a jerk of all trades but master at none. I realize that the majority of people may be in the same camp but it’s still depressing to have no adult merit badges. Perhaps I could expound my knowledge of the stock market but even then I’m just a retail investor who could get his ass handed to him at anytime. Only time will tell if I know what I’m doing or if I’m just an impostor thriving in the longest bull market in history.

Some hate and complain about immigrants but without them we’d be a country full of the laziest sons of bitches who ever lived. When China or India wins this economic war we’ll all realize the magnitude of our loserism. We’ll be a new category of humans, homo loserien. The museums will have us displayed as an overweight human holding a remote control in one hand and a fizzy drink in the other with Cheetos stains around our mouth. The description will read, They did nothing. No one misses them.

When you’re well into your adult years it’s almost too late to be that good at anything. Anyone who is good at anything has a 20-30 year head start on you. Your goal then becomes to be a little better than your friends who are also good at nothing. King of the Losers, is the coveted title in your crew. Sadly, it’s often not until you get older that the realization that you could have done so much more hits you out of nowhere. It’s the unfortunate human condition that makes us hate ourselves for the life we wasted. It’s mother nature’s punishment for not being a better slave to her.

Fast Food, Fast Conversation

At McDonald’s the other day a middle-aged man sat at the table next to me with a text book in front of him and a coffee. The coffee was getting more attention than his book. Wealth Management, the cover read.

“You buy stocks?” I asked.

He said he does and he went on to tell me that he works at the bank and is studying for a financial planner certification. I told him how I’ve been getting pummelled with some of my stocks and he reciprocated by reciting the tale of how him and his family got “wiped out” in the 2008 recession.

“My dad was rich. If we didn’t get wiped out I’d be retired and sitting here like you reading a kindle,” he said. Turns out Dubai ain’t such a safe place to invest in real estate. It almost sounded as safe as investing in crypto currency. He said he’s done with risk, although the amount of money he has in certain holdings is too risky for me.

I hear many more stories of people getting wiped out than I do of people making it. People often don’t consider the laws of life. High risk with high reward means most people aren’t going to make it so you better think hard about why you think you’re going to be one of the few who make it out of the fire. Sometimes you could have came out the hero but greed won over. Most other times ignorance was at play and you never even stood a chance.

Hamed said he thinks he’s a smart guy but not very hard working. His test is next week and he has 2 other books just as thick he needs to get through. “My wife would have gone through these books by now.” We might have a lot in common.

I thanked him for his openness. “Sorry, I talk a lot,” he said. We shook hands and he told me if I ever wanted to talk that I know where to find him. It reminded me of another guy who bought a camera lens from me who gave me the same offer. Perhaps once a man gets to a certain age and situation they just want someone to talk to.



Sudden Blindness

If you want to figure out why people do or don’t do what they do, ask yourself what are the consequences involved. There are people in my not so distant past life who I will see by coincidence every so often. We lock eyes for a split second and then they look away. Their gesture sways me to follow the chilly momentum. I’ve slept at their home, travelled together in the same group but I guess that’s the past.

When they see me they go into a Terminator or Robocop scan mode.

Subject: Familiar
Benefits: Low to None
Consequences: Low to None
Awkwardness: Medium to High

If you think it’s fairly obvious a current co-worker or boss sees you outside of work you’re more than likely going to say “hi” even if you don’t care for them. The people that I see are fairly certain by now that they may never have to face me in any type of setting as they did in the past. They can snub me in all the ways the world offers and not have to worry about future awkward interactions with me. Even if such an interaction were to occur in the future they would just play dumb and pretend that no such snubbery occurred.

I confronted one of these alleged snubbers after being snubbed by him two other times. He was all smiles after pretending he didn’t see me at first. He saw me. He saw me those two other times too. You’ll just have to trust me on this one. I know him well enough to know that he has perfect vision and I haven’t become fat and ugly enough beyond recognition.

Sometimes your worth is the value of the consequences you bring. I don’t know what the moral of the story is.




Bladder Tales

After 5 hours of sleep last night my body signaled me to wake up and urinate. At a large retail chain a few weeks ago the clerk and I were talking about our Fitbit watches. “I like it because it tracks how much sleep I get….or the lack of it. Once you hit 40 years of age you start getting up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom,” he said. He’s one of those boomers who got one of those well-paying menial jobs in the 1980s and handcuffed himself to it for life.

I wasn’t able to fall back asleep so here I am writing about the ordeal. The same thing happened last night. I know the culprit. Both nights I had a big bowl of homemade vegetable soup as a late dinner. It seems innocuous but I remember a night not so long ago when I had a big bowl of salad and an apple for a late dinner and had to get up from bed and pee multiple times. Many vegetables and fruit contain about 90% water.

Conclusion: eating vegetables and fruit produce a slow release of generous amounts of urine.

As a child and teenager I never monitored my liquid intake before bed. It was very rare that I ever had to wake up to urinate. Sure, when I was very young I would sometimes wake up because I urinated in my bed. A soothing dream of urination would be followed by the realization that it was too good to be true. It’s also true though that I did not drink much water or eat fruits and vegetables as a kid.

There were more than a few times as a kid that I almost peed my pants walking home from school. I was never conscious of my peeing habits back then. I think I would just go straight to school without peeing and not go the entire day at school. Come 3:15 PM my bladder was screaming. The closer I was to home the more urgently I needed to go — it’s like you mentally give up the closer you think you are to relief. Sometimes I would get right to the door but couldn’t hold it so I had to publicly urinate in front of my home. Any neighbour who might have been watching would have thought I’m some kind of animal.

My rule for awhile now has been no liquid 2 hours before bed. I have to add another one: no water dense fruits or vegetables 4 hours before bed. I wonder if urination issues are a leading cause of insomnia. Perhaps fruits and vegetables aren’t so good for your health.