A woman at the volunteer office was perplexed why I still pay for piano lessons if my progress has been so slow. Some weeks it’s almost as if I’m paying for the same lesson twice. I walk out of those lessons feeling like a loser. If someone threw tomatoes at me I wouldn’t object. Maybe I’m a masochist.
From my experience 80% of Asians in my generation have taken piano lessons at some point when they were kids. For whatever reason the females do much better than the males. The ones that ended up quitting weren’t interested. Also, it wasn’t difficult to convince Asian parents to save money. I’m interested I just don’t practice.
I have this hope that one day I’ll catch the piano bug and practice sufficiently. Maybe I’m special needs and require more time. The best painkiller would be practicing.
I just watched a YouTube video of Stevie Nicks talking about all the cocaine she used to snort. It triggered me to go into my drawer of drugs and crush some MDMA. I hate snorting it but if I take it orally I have to wait to get high and the effects are longer. Plus the next day is a drag.
Once I snorted it I remembered why I hardly ever do it. IT HURTS. Also, I have this worry in the back of my head that one day I’ll have a hole up in my nose. The other option is to call someone to deliver some cocaine to me which I’ve never done because I believe once I pay for it I’m crossing a line.
The other day I sat with my friend in his automobile who delivers party drugs to people. Man, you would have no idea who is snorting cocaine and who is not just by looking at them.
“That guy has a wife and kids?”
To give you an idea what kind of drug user I am, the MDMA I just took was from a small batch my friend gave me in 2013. So ya, I’m quite controlled.
Blogging has taken a backseat to, ummm, nothing really. It’s not that I’m too busy. I haven’t figured out why I haven’t been writing. I want to I just don’t feel the strong desire to pound out my thoughts. I think money has made me soft.
All I think about is the stock market which might be a good thing. Finally, there’s something I’m deeply interested in that can generate lots of money. More than a few years ago I unknowingly started on a path that was training me to be proficient in investing in stocks. I became obsessed with the truth, critical thinking and being rational My emotions are no longer in the driver’s seat of my actions. Making money in the stock market is simple but not easy. I have a fitting temperament for it.
Tomorrow is a holiday. In my past life as a miserable working stiff I used to worship these days. Vacations were God and statutory holidays were the son of God. Now I hate holidays and weekends because it means the markets are closed — a complete 180.
When you’re a kid you would never think you could grow up to be someone who fears having a hole up their nose.
The other day I was walking by the lottery ticket booth at the supermarket when someone caught my eye. I did a double take at who I thought to be an old high school friend. I’m mostly certain it was him. We locked eyes at one point and as he looked away I got the sense that he felt ashamed.
To keep some degree of confidentiality we’ll call this old friend, Fuckface, or maybe we’ll just call him Dave. We met when we were 13 years old the same way many losers meet. Our commonality was skipping school. Sooner or later you’re going to end up meeting other hooky players.
Dave was kind of messed in the head. One day he would be more than glad to buy you a free meal and the next day he would try to start a fight with you. After high school which I doubt he completed, the rumour was that he was on heroin. It may have just been a rumour. People like to propagate a fake interesting story than a boring one.
If I had to guess he’s not presently on heroin. If I had to guess he still has at least a slight gambling problem. If I had to guess he recognized me but may have been too ashamed to talk about his life with me. Why didn’t I try to talk to him? I don’t know. It was one of those split second decisions. I was walking so I just kept walking.