Zen in Sickness Not in Health

The level of sickness I’m at right now is where your boss at work can still convince you to come in and ‘suck it up.’ You end up regretting it a few hours into your shift and promise yourself that next time you’ll tell your boss to eat dog shit with corn stuck in it. Does the corn make it worse or better?

On Friday I didn’t get enough sleep, didn’t eat much and had a couple of beers. It might have been okay but the next day I went to the gym and didn’t eat much again. This is what I get for trying to better myself. If I had just sat on my ass all weekend eating Cheetos I could have avoided compromising my immune system. Now I’m sick and have no craving for Cheetos.

Today has been a liberating experience. When you’re sick the only plan for the day is to do nothing. I haven’t been this delighted at the idea of laying around and watching stuff on screens for a very long time. When you’re well and not of geriatric status there’s this constant voice reminding you that you might be wasting your life. Being sick allows you to duct tape the mouth that voice comes from without feeling any guilt. If I wasn’t sick it would just appear that I’m depressed…tired face, laying around all day watching T.V. while eating too much or not enough.

You could say I’m living in the present today because the past and future do not matter right now. I’ve always thought that if I had a recognized disability it would mentally set me free. I’d be parading around the neighbourhood singing, I can’t do nothing, I can’t do nothing…because I’m disabled! It’s like being honourably discharged from the military because your balls were shot off…it’s not enviable but it’s acceptable. No one expects a guy with no balls to do much in life. I could tell people all about the dreams that I had and how I was on my way to realizing them….but I’m disabled now.

When I’m no longer sick I may lie to myself and forge a sick note to my brain saying I’ll need another couple days off.

 

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