There was frustration during my piano lesson due to my disappointing performance. It was frustrating because I practiced every day for the whole week and thought I was prepared. I don’t know, perhaps someone watching me and the difference in setting causes me some discomfort. Or maybe I didn’t practice enough. In my head I thought about burning my piano books and throwing them against a concrete wall. I QUIT! Then I thought how pathetic that would be.
During my internal tantrum I recalled a memory from several years ago. I used to fool around with the guitar with a few other guys who resisted the idea of attempting to improve at it. They instead preferred to strum the same song for hours each time we met. “Don’t you guys want to get better?” I asked. They replied with a friendly, “no.”
A thought crossed my mind during my piano lesson. What if I continued to practice and continued to suck? That would crush me since it could mean that I’m mentally disabled. I’d have to pack it in and resign from life, admit myself to the Centre for Ungifted Children. That’s why some people don’t even try. To them, failure would confirm their suspicions of their deficiencies.
I come from a group of guys who are all deficient in some manner which is the reason why we all came together in the first place. Some of them were able to muster up the appearance of some kind of success but there’s always traps set out to snag the ones who were programmed to fail. Some may have thought they were better than others in the group but no one was because if they were they would have moved on to something better.
That’s life for many or maybe even most people….they’re put on a path and then operate on auto-pilot. Over many years the deficiencies etch themselves a permanent place in the programming and instead of debugging, the tendency is to find a miserably comforting workaround.