The Holidays Thus Far

A few days before Christmas an old lady who lives in the neighbourhood asked me to help her buy groceries for Christmas dinner. The liquor bill was the priciest…1.78 litre bottle of vodka, 750 ml of Crown Royal and 2 bottles of wine. Afterwards she invited me to have Christmas dinner with her and her cousin who is also old but not that old. I was quite certain I wasn’t going to have any plans and it’s walking distance so I accepted. I like free dinners.

The dinner was good enough…Butterball turkey in the box, packaged gravy, packaged stuffing but the potatoes and vegetables were real. The both of them were probably alcoholics in a past life and possibly borderline in present day so they urged me to drink. It’s Christmas Eve, I’m walking, it’s free liquor and what else am I going to do while I watch Home Alone 2. Free pouring your vodka highball drinks is not a good idea.

The movie was kind of lame 25 years later but bearable. I walked home drunk and was hung over for Christmas which spoiled my plans of having Christmas dinner at Denny’s. I didn’t even feel that great the day after that. The day after that though made me realize I’d rather not be hung over. Life is just so much brighter when you don’t drink yourself into darkness the night before.

Yesterday the UPS person left my $400 package in front of my door. Loser. On Boxing day I bought a chocolate bar.

Also yesterday, I sold some stock that I own that went 11 fold. I ended up at the casino later with a friend and easily convinced myself that I was obligated to celebrate with overpriced beer. I wish I hadn’t. I feel like shit today.

If you’re drunk half the week it means you’re also hung over half the week. I don’t do New Year’s resolutions but I think I’ve decided to strategically cut down on alcohol. I no longer have the spirit or unawareness that allowed me to power through the alcohol related days in the past.

There has been an ongoing resolution to be a nicer and more likeable person which has been progressing really slowly probably because I really enjoy being an a-hole. When I was a kid I was told that if I wanted to remember something that I should tie a piece of string around my finger.

Well, hope everyone is having a good holiday season.





Life Can Be Semi-Amazing

One Asian guy and one white guy are in a pub. The white guy says, “you look like the guy who works at the hobby store?” The Asian guy jokingly replies, “no but we all look alike.”

Another Asian guy(me) walks into the pub. The other Asian guy asks, “is your name Peter Jung?” I said, “no but I guess we all really do alike.”

True story. It was funnier if you were there.

Even funnier, maybe, was that I was searching online since last night for a place to eat perogies and not that surprisingly the options are few and far between. Yesterday, I was talking to someone about the famous perogie man in town and it sparked a craving. He had a picture online of him holding a plate of perogies and sausage with fried onions.

This morning, I wasn’t able to find a place close enough to serve them ready-to-eat so I would settle for a place that would sell handmade ones to take home and cook. There wasn’t any of those either so I gave up and walked to the nearby pub to get some afternoon breakfast.

Lo and behold, they changed their menu and on the first page, perogies and sausage! A pub, nearby, serving perogies and sausage as a recent addition to their menu not even 24 hours from the time of my craving. It’s obvious someone with enormous powers is looking out for me.

Perhaps it’s not life changing but it just goes to show that anything can happen in life. This is like the equivalent of getting lung cancer from smoking one cigarette. The odds are tremendously low. I wanted perogies and sausage and the universe complied. Maybe it’s not that someone out there with magical powers is looking out for me but instead I have magical powers. The world is starting to revolve around me. I’ve tapped into The Secret.


All I need to do now is use my powers to get them to fry the perogies


Gambling Strategies

When I was planning my getaway from my rigid job I brainstormed ways of supplementing unemployment. One idea was to start a webcam show for old men who would pay to see me do things while showing my hairless chest. Another idea was to gamble with money.


There’s online porn, online shopping, online anything that can be done online including online gambling. The casino was never far away but being around professional degenerate gamblers just wasn’t my thing. The world continues to innovate new methods of taking embarrassment out of the picture by allowing you to disgrace yourself in the privacy of your own home while including the conventional familiar environment.

The online casino allows you to pick through a variety of games hosted by live humans in real time. The Eastern European dealers will introduce you and answer your typed questions even your silly ones.

My plan was to win small amounts every day using a variation of the martingale theory. If you lose a hand you double up and keep doing so until you win which will give you a return of your original bet. It sounded easy enough but there had to be a catch.


Bet $5 and lose
Bet $10 and lose
Bet $20 and lose
Bet $40 and lose
Bet $80 and lose
Bet $160 and lose
Bet $320 and lose
Bet $640 and lose

Eventually, if you have enough money you will win since putting it on red or black gives you about a 48% chance of winning. The casinos in my area have a $500 bet limit though to greatly limit your chances of winning. My example was only going to score you $5 if successful. Double or triple your intended reward and you can find yourself in a heap of shit fairly quickly. Not a lot of people are going to go through so much trouble to win $5.

The online room in the picture above shows a maximum bet of $40,000 so if you wanted to win $5 for every war then it would seem very doable. The thing is how many times can one possible lose consecutively? I’m not sure but I’ve seen 14 but I think that’s fairly rare.

Bet $1280 and lose
Bet $2560 and lose
Bet $5120 and lose
Bet $10,240 and lose
Bet $20,480 and lose
Bet $40,960…..nope, maxed out.

Once you hit 13 losses in a row you’re screwed. All that for the hope of winning $5. You probably can’t even replenish the calories you wasted with that $5. You would have to go home and tell your wife or your dog that you lost $20,480 because you were trying to win $5.

Okay, but there’s a display that shows you which colours have come out in the previous games. If you wait for one colour to come out 7 or 8 times in a row then your chances of winning with the martingale theory should be better. They call that kind of thinking gambler’s fallacy because the roulette ball does not discriminate which colour it landed on in previous games. Every new game gives the same probability. It makes sense but if you flip a coin enough times it’s not going to keep landing only heads.

What I propose might be true but no one is going to wait for the roulette ball to land on red or black 10 times in a row before they start betting. You could be standing/sitting there all day just to hopefully make $5 or $10. I suppose I could just have the game running and check in on it every 15 minutes to see how it’s going. That too is a hassle. I can make it worth my while by betting more but that could get me in a world of shit really fast. You might win most of the time but the day that you don’t it will wipe out all of your winnings and more. You might be better off delivering newspapers. There’s no quick buck without risk or embarrassment.

Musical Aspirations

Not too long ago I was considering taking discounted piano lessons from someone at the volunteer office. The idea of it was somewhat exciting because it would be something new.

I remembered my great interest in the guitar that spanned over a decade and the level of skill I achieved which is fairly mediocre. If I wasn’t motivated enough to master the guitar during that length of time, what are the chances I was going to get anywhere with the piano?

The great majority of people aren’t very good at anything besides their job and whatever their parents forced them to do when they were young. I spent thousands of hours for pay cheques without much else to show for. For the most part, people only do what they believe they have to do.

I suppose I don’t have to master the piano. If I reached some level of enjoyment with it then the lessons would probably be worth taking. What I probably should do though is just concentrate on the guitar. I’ve been thinking about taking guitar lessons again mostly for motivation. If I feel I have someone to disappoint or impress then I’ll try harder. Primitive wiring doesn’t cater to the loner.



Cinnamon Buns, Stereotypes, Degrees

When you have all the time in the world you might just walk around in a tourist area for an hour going into multiple coffee shops looking for a cinnamon bun. When I finally found one I had to choose a place to sit. There was a comfortable looking seat by the window but it was also right across from the washrooms where people unleash their holy hell. The worst of humanity takes place behind locked doors where people at most can only suspect that you are the culprit. The person after you needs a face to put to the urine soaked toilet seat but he knows it could have been from 20 other men before you. Maybe that putrid smell came from your back end but it’s possible it’s been lingering for the last hour. No one knows so no one says anything. All one can do is give the stink eye letting one know of their suspicions.

While sitting at the table where the students congregate, my wandering eyes inspected their study materials. Two young Asian guys appearing to be studying, with headphones in their ears. Maybe they’re listening to Tony Robbins or maybe they’re listening to death metal songs about killing their parents. Surprise surprise…one of them was studying Mechatronic Systems Engineering and the other had his textbook at the chapter of Cash Flow so I’ll assume he’s in the accounting field. Stereotypes exist for a reason.


Practicality is the name of the game. If you’re going to spend 4 years and $50,000 on a university degree then you might just want to get something out of it besides a piece of high class toilet paper signed by the dean. A university degree can be a symbol of your worthy achievement or a reminder that you got duped.

Daily Post: Degree

The Reality of Life

There might be no rule book to life but it’s apparent to me now that your degree of success is dependent on your grasp of reality and your willingness to surrender to it.

I spent most of life wanting life to cater to how I wanted it to be not because I was convicted in my beliefs but because I was uncomfortable with the alternative. Hope and time was on my side, so I felt, which led me to do nothing much. The truth always was that if you want something you have to make it happen and there’s always some kind of risk associated with it. Hope is completely imaginary when there is nothing behind it.

Life hasn’t worked out for an abundance of people out there and many of them opt for the road of excuses. You can blame immigration, family or some other external factor but in all likelihood there was something in your timeline you could have easily improved. There’s excuses and then there’s what really happened. To be forgiving though, sometimes you just didn’t know any better.

If you bring a baseball bat to a hockey game you’re either going to fail or not even be allowed to play. You can be as stubborn as you like but it’s highly unlikely the rules are going to change in your favour. Keep bringing that baseball bat and you’ll keep failing.

I don’t know how things “should” be but I have a better idea how I’d like them to be, and then there’s how it is.

The Bitcoin Craze

WTF is a bitcoin? I’ve listened to podcasts, read articles online and just watched a documentary and I barely get it. I might be too stupid to get in on it or I’m not stupid enough.

Today I searched the term, “why should I buy bitcoin?” I didn’t really get any good answers. Most of what I read was telling me how bitcoin is better or differs from conventional currency. What I haven’t fully comprehended yet is why one would want to exchange $13,000 USD for 1 bitcoin. What am I going to do with this bitcoin?

For the most part you can’t do much with it right now. I think people are piling into bitcoin and other cryptocurrencies for speculative gain. It’s an exciting idea similar to 9/11 and moon landing conspiracies but as for now why would I use Bitcoin to pay for goods and services if I can use cash?

The supposed appeal of cryptocurrencies is that they’re a decentralized online currency that eliminates the need for a third party(banks, credit cards) to facilitate transactions. Being able to tell the banks to F-off might be nice but if you somehow lose your bitcoins from no fault of your own I think you’re screwed.

There’s people who stockpile gold as a hedge against cash and capital investments. Cryptocurrencies are like an online version of gold except they don’t have the backing of historic value and confidence. It could be the future. I’m only saying this because you never know. It sounds crazy but who knows. There’s smarter people than us who believe so. Everything seems to be going online and towards a cashless society.

Yesterday the value of a bitcoin was $12,000. Earlier today it was $13,000. I just stumbled across the current value and it’s $14,000. Just over a month ago a friend and I were talking about it and it was “worth” $5000. In 2015 it was in the $250 range. In July of 2010 it was like 6 cents. What this means is that some people have gotten really really rich and probably some time soon some people will be jumping off a bridge because they lost a ton of money. It could go up to $20,000 before that happens though. The feeling I get is that the craze is not near its end yet.

So your options today are a good used car or a bitcoin.

The Morning Routine

During my working days in a previous life the alarm clock(phone) went off at 7:30 AM with the snooze option often making a appearance. I hope for it to be a day later than what I think it is but it’s rarely the case. As I silently go through an arsenal of cuss words and a seemingly hopeless maze of negative thoughts I make the first move to a vertical position. As I sit on the edge of my bed it reminds me how all of it is strikingly similar to sitting on the edge of a tall building contemplating your options. If you do it enough, one day you probably will jump.

I’ve been doing this routine for years. I have it down to a publicly traded corporation’s dream of efficiency. I put 2 eggs in a stainless steel pot, fill it with hot water and place it on the stove on high. While the water is heating up I brush my teeth, wash the snot from my eyes and shave(maybe). By the time I put on my slave attire the water is boiling, I turn the heat down to 6 and calculate the time 7 minutes from now.

As I wait for the eggs I sit on my drum throne listening to the AM radio. There’s always traffic nightmare. I’m at least thankful that I’m a 5 minute drive from work. It’s not a lucky coincidence, I plan this shit.

I peel my medium-boiled eggs like a pro and have a banana afterwards. Not the greatest breakfast but I need to eat something or I’ll be left dizzy. 8:12 AM I’m out the door. More cuss words to come if it’s pissing rain.



WordPress Graveyard

If you’re on WordPress long enough it’s inevitable that someone you follow will pass away. It happened a few months ago and again today. There may have been others who died but didn’t get the chance to have a final post published with their writing or from someone they know.

I’m not sure if I prefer to know of their deaths or not. Without any last words I would assume they just stopped blogging and wouldn’t think much of it again. A death notice is always an interesting read but also sad.

If it was me who was in his last days I wouldn’t be able to help myself. You don’t get another opportunity to write and publish a post in such a mindset.

Frieday, Dec 1st, 2017

Ikea has a cafeteria style food court to lure you in hoping that you’ll take a stroll around their maze and end up buying something. The woman in front of me asked for french fries instead of mash potatoes.

“Can I get a few more fries?”

Assertive, are we?

A new batch of fries came right after her request.

“Can you give me the new fries instead?”

I’m using a question mark but it wasn’t really a question. The Ikea staff member obliged and dumped her fries back to give her the fresh ones. The balls on this woman. She probably complains at McDonald’s when the English muffin on her McMuffin isn’t perfectly aligned with the poached egg. I hope she’s no one’s girlfriend. Maybe she’s just a woman who knows what she wants? Or maybe she’s a cuntosaurus.

I bought a bottle of wine today for the first time in a long time. There was a prawn & salmon concoction in the fridge. It was delicious.


The above picture is my attempt at appearing as a happy individual. How can someone eating prawns & salmon doused in garlic butter be discontent? The internet is showtime. A platform that allows for mere snippets of what one will allow others to see. How often do you see a picture of someone miserable at work or a video of someone waking up to an alarm clock at some ungodly hour?

The dog decided to take a shit in close proximity to where I was sitting. It may be a fool’s errand to ponder the precise reasons why she would do such a thing but if I had to guess it’s because she knows it’s pissing rain outside. Another possibility is that she wants to see how much she can get away with.


Taken moments after the dumpage

On the 6 o’clock news one of the top stories was how the LGBTQIAAWKRP in Vancouver wants to ban uniformed police officers in the next pride parade. I find this to be aligned with the tactic of my dog taking a shit 2 feet away from me to see how much she can get away with.

Louis C.K. has been disgraced by his masturbation shenanigans. I realize it’s a serious issue but I can’t help but giggle because it’s Louis C.K. performing some obscene act. Donald Trump must be feeling superior with the small amount of backlash that he received with his “grab them by the pussy” comment.  Even the dirty standup comedians will not joke about the Louis C.K. situation. They’re too scared to ruin their careers.

When you’re buzzed on the internet there’s a high possibility that you will purchase something foolish.