7 hours of uninterrupted sleep should be sufficient but something about not getting that extra hour just ruins me. If I had to get up for whatever reason it wouldn’t be a big deal but that wasn’t the case. I ended up laying in bed for 5 hours hoping to fall back asleep. When that failed I got up and ate something. I spent the following 3 hours trying to fall back asleep. Once 4 PM rolled around I gave up and knew I had to nourish myself for the impending rush of kids coming for chocolate. I basically laid awake in bed for the same amount of time people spend the day working.
Carving a pumpkin requires inspiration that I didn’t have today. I put it out there to let the little buggers know that I’m open for business. From my observations, 1 out of 3 houses were giving out candy.
Holy Halloween, the number of kids must have been double of last year. I ran out of chocolates and started giving out quarters. I don’t think you can buy anything these days for less than a dollar though. I saved a KitKat for myself.
I put a fake spider in the bathroom sink to scare my mother and it was a success. Even after she realized it was fake she was still too scared to pick it up. I wonder if you could be charged with manslaughter if you put a fake spider in an old person’s shoe and they died from a heart attack because of it.
This morning I was in the backyard hanging out when a surprise caught my eye.
Nearing the winter season, growing vegetables had subsided in my mind which is why slight euphoria hit me when I saw this baby bok choy growing in the middle of my lawn surrounded by weeds. A couple of thoughts hit me.
- I didn’t think vegetables could grow so well on a lawn surrounded by weeds.
- How’d the seeds get all the way there?
They’re always talking about the importance of soil amendments and pulling weeds in order for your vegetables to grow. The only amendments to the lawn were canine excretions. I also just remembered that in late summer when my plants went to seed I threw some on the lawn just for kicks. On my plot of soil where I grow things, none of the seeds that I planted in late summer germinated.
When you see one you look for others.
An old blind lady I used to visit thought it was weird that I wasn’t sure what a cardigan was. I thought it was strange she didn’t know what cilantro was. I guess cilantro is not used in many Western dishes especially pre-fusion era. In poor countries they call a cardigan the sweater with buttons.
My pathetic tomato results may have been due to me being one month late in sowing the seeds. I bet you that is not one of the 7 habits of successful people. It wasn’t a hot summer either though. I’m surprised I even got these ones.
What is the difference between a weed and vegetable? Looking at the lush weeds in my yard, they look just as fit to be eaten as conventional herbs and vegetables. Do they lack the nutrients? I don’t get it.
Semi-conclusion: Weeding might be overrated. Weeds might be underrated.
Beginning where the farm market ends is an eastbound road void of pedestrians. I walk this road weekly as the last half of my 50 minute walk from my home to the movie theatre. Dump trucks driving by create a small hurricane of particles next to the deserted bike lane which is also the sidewalk. Along the way there’s horses, goats and a large vacant tall grass field where one might dump a dead body. I’ve seen coyotes there.
An afternoon time slot is when I like to catch a movie. Often you can get a whole row to yourself and do not have to tolerate the sounds of crinkling popcorn bags or the smell of hot dogs. I’d rather deal with the odd lit up LED smartphone screen which has been made frowned upon but in this town the one that pays $15 for popcorn, candy and a soda is the boss. Guaranteed at least some of them are wiping their buttery digits on the seats.
Glass not included
Most films are as expected — not great but not boring. You know the movie sucks when you don’t care who lives or dies. When the lights come on I have a glance at my company. I see other lone patrons and wonder what’s their story. Having preconceived notions of strangers is my entertainment. Watching movies alone is a rite of passage.
Movie theatres could be a thing of the past one day. You can see the similar pattern of a slow demise that has taken down other old-time giants. Technology is chipping away at the incentives of going to a movie theatre.
On the way home I join rush hour traffic which backs up the road. A single file of vehicles lose the race against my walking speed. A 50 minute walk each way and a 2 hour movie is almost 4 hours. Not bad for $8 and a few hundred calories. Am I killing time or cherishing it?
The dog is getting groomed which leaves me with 3 hours in a strip mall. In retrospect I believe the groomer was upselling me but I was too passive to see it.
At a TJX subsidiary, people were loading up their shopping carts like they would at a supermarket except there’s nothing there for the price of a cabbage. I bought underwear. It’s one of those things you know that you’ll never be able to get second-hand unless if you have a fetish.
Staples is dead. When was the last time you had to buy paper or pencils?
The same old guy is here sitting in the same seat the last time I came to this chain restaurant a few months ago. I asked him if he was waiting for his wife to finish shopping. He said, “not quite.” Maybe he just hangs out here on Sundays.
The other guy here is watching the biggest black guys on Earth trying to get a ball across a field. If you’re into watching sports your life is set.
How well you do in life and who you associate with comes down to what and how well you think. Whether your thoughts are rational or not, people won’t like you as much if you don’t think the same way they do. Life though, does not care if you think your beliefs are well-thought-out when they’re not because it will hand you what you deserve.
The term “think” is used as loosely as “good,” “bad” or “friend.” In order to claim that you think this or that, means that you should have at least thought about it. Many people do think but often only to the benefit to what makes them feel better. Not everyone thinks they are the smartest but they always tend to think that they’re right. People who are certified crazy think they are right just as often as anyone else. Some people are stronger than others and some think better than others but you can’t bash a person’s brains out with your words and claim victory. In the end they can just say, “we’ll have to agree to disagree.” Unless if you’re a certified expert in a field you won’t get any credibility for being more knowledgeable and thought-out in a particular subject than some chump off the street you’re arguing with.
I often avoid interactions longer than 5 minutes with some people because then I’ll probably have to hear what they “think.” The difference between conversing with a child versus an adult is the expectation. For some reason you expect someone’s thoughts are relative to their age. Thinking is like anything else…the less time you spend doing it effectively the more you’ll suck at it. All one needs to do to make themselves think that they are making sense is to create a weak idea that supports their theory and not challenge it.
When you’re accused of overthinking it could be because you’re overthinking or maybe that person just doesn’t like what you have to say. Everything can seem like overthinking to someone who doesn’t think. When you’re not thinking you’re blindly following.
A house across the street recently had solar panels installed on the roof. The idea of it is pretty rad. Is there an impending apocalypse that I should be aware of? Whether it’s to save money or not it would be cool to have mostly because hardly anyone has it. I’m sure the owners of this house will be having the same conversation with everyone in the neighbourhood for the next 2 years. A bunch of people will talk like they’re interested in installing solar panels on their roof but really aren’t.
When I see people working certain jobs or maybe any job, I picture myself doing it and think, no way. Maybe for a day but not full-time. Then I think what’s going on in their heads that’s not happening in mine. I remember a time when I would be ecstatic with working any type of job for any amount of hours as long as I thought it paid okay. I try to go back in my head during those times to capture the reasons why the hamster was running that wheel.
In 2012 a salesman convinced me to buy a 4 year warranty for an aftermarket car stereo I purchased. The hook was that if I didn’t end up using the warranty I could use it towards another purchase. The sneaky part was that I would have to remember to register my unused warranty in 4 years and would only have 1 month to do so. I made a mental note of it and came out victorious. I held that memory better than a grudge. The other thing that these commissioned sales people don’t tell you is that you have to make a purchase double the amount of your warranty cost.
There’s not much in the form of electronics that interests me much these days. In the store the salesman kept firing off products until one connected.
“A new TV? Home theatre? TV mount?…….Home security cameras?”
Security cameras seemed kind of cool. Maybe I’ll catch someone not picking up their dog’s crap on my lawn or someone stealing parcels. I didn’t end up getting anything yet. I wish they sold underwear or socks.
My unemployed colleague has just left the pub leaving me alone with my half a pint. It’s almost 3 PM, eight people including myself are occupying the pub.
Minus 2. The couple of cougars are leaving after spending an unknown amount on lottery tickets for the last 2 hours.
A lone man calls for “another.” The guy 3 seats from him around the bar is a regular. I see him here every time I pass by. He’s on at least his 4th pint. He’s neatly groomed with clean, well-fitting clothes. He doesn’t look like a loser.
A table of 2 other men appear to have just finished their shift of laborious work. One of the guys is using a flip phone. They don’t look like winners. That could be my future.
Baseball playoffs on TV is the main attraction today. One could use that as the excuse to sit around and drink beer all day.
I’m the only Asian guy here as usual. All the other Asians are working or studying. No one ever imagined their life to be where it is. It’s always worse or better.
A local newspaper had an online article written by a homeless man living in the same city where I live. I found that arrangement to be interesting so I clicked on his name and it went to his WordPress blog.
On his “about” page he had written a short biography chronicling what many of us want to know about homeless people. So how’d you get here?
He had a career that sustained him for 24 years but he lost the drive to be able to do his craft well enough to satisfy his clients. He said he could not work a regular 9-5 job after for unspecified reasons other than personal ethics. It sounds like his brain just checked out and he said fuck it.
Most homelessness stories are plagued with drugs, alcohol and/or mental illness. He’s always been substance-free but many may argue he has a mental illness of some sort but there is no mention of it.
For some I wonder if homelessness was a series of baby steps and with each step taken marked a new level of acceptance and comfort. One day you miss a day of flossing and by the following year you’re brushing your teeth over a public water fountain.
You can check out his story with the link below.
“If you’ve got nothing worth dying for, you’ve got nothing worth living for.”
While others are going about with the regular life or finishing up, I’m at a loss or unmotivated with what to do on most days. The motivation to pop out of bed or to perform the usual morning rituals doesn’t exist. The lack of drive to devote a life to working a job or catering to other people forces your imagination to work overtime.
The consensus of my thoughts is that people are psychologically surviving off the momentum of their beliefs that may have been running on fumes for the last decade. But then again what do I know about what goes on in other people’s heads because they definitely don’t know what’s going on in mine.
As much as I hated working a full-time job it fueled a dream that I would one day make an exit. Now I have nothing left to quit. To look at this situation positively my life can now be directed towards building instead of demolishing.
After 2 years of not having a typical job I still have zero ambition to find regular full-time employment. This might be due to the fact that I have been “making” tax free money through the stock market. Some may be disgusted with me dodging taxes even if it’s legal but in the words of the great Donald Trump, that makes me smart.
There’s significantly more money in the bank account than there was when I quit my job but surprise surprise, money alone does not make you happy. I was happier the first year after I quit my job than I am today. The detoxification from the daily grind was enough for my spirits to live off.
The initial significant gain from the stock market the following year produced euphoria and feelings of hope similar to when the first time anything happens in your life. The high has worn off and I’m back to my baseline happiness which is discontentment. I’m going to need a much larger dose to replicate that high. Like a bad drug habit I think the highs and lows of the stock market have messed with my brain. Still, it’s better than grinding it out at a job 5 days a week plus I’ve learned a new skill that will probably be practical for the rest of my life.
I’m waiting for the day when I’m convinced that the future is going to be mostly rosy. A cloud of anxiety follows me on most days punishing me with fears of perpetual discontent, and I’m not enlightened or dumb enough to vanquish them.
How can I not have some faith though since unexpected fortunate circumstances have occurred in a situation when most people would have written me off. Hopelessness comes from the perception of what you believe to be true. Imagination and faith keep the lights on.