Assessing Risk

“I learned how to win a little at a time. But finally I’ve learned this: if you’re too careful, your whole life can become a fuckin’ grind.”


One of the laws of life is “no risk no reward.” Sometimes we hold out hoping for an option that carries no risk and only reward. That doesn’t usually exist except for the ones who run the show and make the rules. The more you feel you have to lose the more risk that is involved. When a situation seems so dire though risk might not even seem like an issue.

I don’t believe risk is the same as sacrifice. With the latter you’re giving up something for something else. With risk you’re giving up something and you might get nothing or worse. In a long enough time line though the difference between risk and sacrifice can become blurred.

Since nothing is 100%, risk is involved all the time. You might think that supposed safe job is risk free but what happens when you’re at the age of 45 and it gets taken away from you all of a sudden or you’re stuck in a cycle of 9-5 misery. Some choices don’t seem risky only because they’re more widely accepted as standard practice. Half the time risk is just the possibility of feeling left out from society. What if you’re at the end of your life and wished you took that potentially life changing risk when you were 25? Can not taking a risk be considered risking your life?

Life rewards those who take risks because most people aren’t willing to take them. The fear of losing overpowers the desire to win. We’re a very risk adverse species when comfortable options are available.

The ones that took a risk and failed will tell you, “just work a job.” The ones that succeeded or who didn’t take a risk will say, “you don’t want to work for somebody for all of your life.” Most people will have a bias.

“I took a risk, I took a risk, you see all the angles, and never have the fucking stones to play one”




Emaciated Spirit

It’s a weird time we’re living in but then again that has probably been said in every era dating back to when they first discovered rubbing sticks together to create fire. Other than what goes on in my head my life isn’t a whole lot different but there’s a lot less to be excited about for the short and long term. When you feel that you have plateaued and are not overly hopeful of any potential catalysts the spirit within you starves. I’m not saying life is hopeless but the strong reason isn’t always there to fuel the positive beliefs.

Many people live life based on fears and an attachment to beliefs that are necessary for their current reasons to live. If you’re doing something you really don’t want to do then it’s rooted in the belief that you have to. “Have to” takes on different definitions depending on the game. I have beliefs but most of them don’t cater to my happiness.

Most of us get rolled out of the assembly line programmed to want the same thing but what life doesn’t tell many of us is that you never really had a chance. Some succeed, some fail but most just barely fit in. By the time you have any of it figured it out you’re the sum total of your regrets and fond memories that gives a bias to the positives so that you can live with yourself.


Windstorm and Skinny Cokes


The other night there was a minor windstorm that knocked down tree branches and electricity. I didn’t mind it at all except someone took the opportunity to steal our recycling bin but left the contents on the lawn. At first I thought maybe the wind blew it away but highly unlikely. This gives me an excuse to stop recycling.

Coincidentally, I picked up a candle holder for free just 2 days before. If a power outage isn’t a sign to use your new candle holder then I don’t know what is.


I should “pin” this

A bad windstorm is no joke. Last time trees fell on houses, cars and people. It’s a shitty way to go. You don’t want to get hugged by a tree.


These new Coca-cola cans are looking attractive but just like a fat person in slim fitting clothing it’s all a sham. They made them taller but skinnier to not take away the appearance of quantity. The contents are now 310 ml instead of 355 ml. It’s the Virginia Slims of soda cans. The price has remained the same though. The entire food industry has been shrinking everything and raising the prices only when they enlarge the package so it looks more justifiable. Luckily for junk food manufacturers there’s a health movement rising.  They can claim they are giving us less because it’s good for us and say they are raising the prices because they are trying to deter us from consuming too much of their bad products.



Free Stuff

On the way to McDonald’s(don’t judge me) I passed by a box of “free stuff” on the sidewalk. Immediately I was astounded by the other person’s junk when a comparatively vibrant Winnie the Pooh thingy stuck out. It might be a cookie jar. I’ve never met anyone who owned a cookie jar. Do they only exist in fairy tales?


Not bad for free. This is my redemption for not picking up the Planter’s Peanuts jar last time at a thrift store. I also picked up a solid Buddha that is according to a label stuck on it is supposed to be a candle holder.

Having my honoured guests with me attracted a lot of stares. Of course though because people eating and minding their own business does not make for a very entertaining spectator experience. A fly buzzing around could get mass attention.

A former semi-coworker walked in and I got her attention. She worked at another location but I remember seeing her from time to time. She tells me there’s been high turnover at my location and I suggested it’s because I inspired everyone. There’s been people who quit to go on to something possibly better but never anyone who just quits because they just don’t want to do it anymore. I told everyone, “it’s either quit or stay here forever.” It’s almost tombstone worthy.

On the way back I garnered many stares with my new babies. I decided to pass by the free stuff again to pick up a scooter. The nice thing to do may have been to leave it for a kid but I decided that I should have it because I didn’t have anything growing up. Ya, that’s it…mine. I’ve now decided that I’m going to sell it for $5 at the yard sale that I plan to have this summer. I’m sure someone will try to talk it down to $3.50.



This TV was probably $3000 at one time

The Writing is on the Wall


Bob’s Subs is a food joint that serves okay food for a cheap price which will bring in a certain clientele. The ketchup bottles are sticky and the ambiance is 2 or 5 stars depending on what you’re looking for. In a tucked away corner you can get free admission to an art show where it wouldn’t surprise you to find a used condom on the floor.


While eating your bacon and eggs you get to entertain yourself with legendary prose. This is where teenagers left their thoughts before YouTube came around.


It’s good to stop and reflect on the things you gloat about. Whenever this young man/woman feels down on life they remind themselves that at least they are taller than Nikki.


There’s something enlightening one can take away from all of this.


I’m utterly surprised that no one defaced Jesus or his disciples. You would think someone would have felted in a beard and devil’s horns. Perhaps there is such a thing as honour in this world. Or maybe there’s something really nasty behind there like a drawing of a giant penis. Which came first?…Jesus or the graffiti. Many long time patrons that were interviewed had conflicting answers. One man said the restaurant used to be a church. Another claims the Jesus rug just appeared one morning unbeknownst to the owners. I tried to get an interview with the old owners but they have passed on.


Soundgarden Night

A few years ago the band Soundgarden came to town. I wasn’t a huge fan but I liked their music. As we walked towards the entrance in the underground parking lot the security guards stood up from their chairs. “It’s okay, you don’t have to stand for us,” I said.

“These are decent seats,” one of them said. They did their pat down and metal detector check. Suckers, you missed the drugs. Along the way to our seats we bought some overpriced beers. Also along the way I saw this Asian girl that I sort of knew. She used to have long hair but had shaved her hair since. She was part of the janitorial staff that night. “What are you doing here?” she asked. I thought it was a stupid question but whatever. My guess is that it was too odd for her to think that a couple of Asian guys would be into rock music.

The arena wasn’t close to a sellout but there was enough people to show that the band hadn’t been forgotten. There were some single men around us who were probably in their 20’s when Soundgarden was at the height of their fame in the mid 90s. There comes a time in a single person’s life when they realize if they don’t start going out alone they may never go out again. So they say, fuck it, let’s do this.

“Ahhh.” It was something new I tried that night. The middle-aged, portly guy two seats to my left asked, “what’s wrong?” I told him I put something up my nose. That was the first and last time I did “special k.”

Halfway through the show the concert staff said we could go down a tier to better seats. My guess is that keeping the animals in one area made the security efforts easier. Like most concerts I only have a vague imagery of the events. As hard as I try to burn a memory in my brain forever it never works. All I know is that I was there.

SaTURDay, May 2017…Dear Diary

On a nearby street there was an A-board sign outside of a house advertising palm readings for $10. At least there was because when I was looking for it today to get my palm read the house appeared to be gone…demolished to be a future mansion. I don’t believe in palm readings but the experience would have been amusing. I’ll have to go by there again in case I missed it.

There’s a farm by my place that sells eggs and vegetables. They also have goats and cows.


The woman working there doesn’t speak English very well so there’s a communication issue between us.

“Can I play with the goats?”

She replied, “Okay, do you want to buy some kale?”

I didn’t get to play with the goats but I bought some kale. She might be a good salesperson.

What’s for dinner? I guess I’ll have kale and eggs. Maybe she changed my life.


I’ll be going to bed hungry

Say what you want about eating healthy but when you do it feels like you’re one with the universe. You don’t get this lousy feeling afterwards like your body is processing sludge.

Probiotics may be all the rage. I’m not sure because I have no idea what other people are doing these days. From different podcasts and radio interviews though it sounds like gut health extends to other functions of the body such as mental health. It sounds like BS but people who appear to be smart seem to really believe this.

A segment on the news had something on how most types of yogurts are not the probiotic champions that they pretend to be. They said Kefir is a more generous probiotic product. I take a couple swigs a day. I have reason to believe that my gut has been healthier since the introduction of kefir. That’s all the information I’m willing to give you on that thesis.


I’ve been told that one of the local Buddhist temples serves free lunch. The catch is that they want you to come in a bit earlier so that they can give you a speech which is also free. I’m okay with that because I like Buddhist teachings. I’m sure they’re gunning for some money eventually.


His busking skills didn’t pay for this

It’s 9 PM and I’m ready to kiss the dog goodnight and go to bed already.

Eventful Uneventful Day

An interview on the radio this morning had a little person stand-up comedian as a guest. Her view on using the word “midget” is as follows…

  • It’s okay to use the word in the context of comedy
  • It’s not okay in casual conversations with a little person
  • It’s much more acceptable for a little person to use the word

In other countries instead of “little people,” terms such as “persons of short stature” and “persons of restricted growth” are preferred.

These politically correct terms are what some or most little people prefer but if you’re with your friends you may be able to use which ever terms you wish. Why do politically correct terms always require more syllables?  Why do politically incorrect terms sound so much more humourous?

I subscribed to an online newspaper at a promotional rate and surprise surprise, in order to cancel before they charged me the regular rate I had to call them. When I didn’t accept their counter offer she “had” to transfer me to another department. When that department wouldn’t credit me the regular price rate they had already charged me for the next 4 weeks of service they “had” to transfer me to a supervisor. Apparently they were not able to give refunds for online subscriptions but they could for print newspapers. They “didn’t have the option.” Once the supervisor realized I wasn’t going to go away she must have found the magic computer coding to give me a refund.

A friend of a friend asked me to help her move some stuff(same person as last time). She said she would pick me up in 45 minutes which would have been 2:00 PM. She texted me at 5:00 PM to tell me that she was on her way. I told her I was busy.

I walked out of the supermarket with a mixed berry muffin. Some guy was sitting on a bench. I said “hi” and he smiled and winked at me. I processed all observations and the conclusion was that he was probably gay. I then saw him dancing while holding a sign to promote gym memberships and also heard his voice when he was talking to some other guy. Yep, he’s definitely gay. “So what if he’s gay?” Nothing, I’m just trying to tell a story.





Temporary Rock Bottom

A downward trajectory in your current situation is always met with resistance but there’s sometimes a silver lining on the way down. One can only guess what might happen in the future but the past has been written and drawn for your viewing displeasure. At a rock bottom the view into one’s life so far can allow for a new perspective. While you’re laying there with nowhere to go you get to visit and revisit the past. Like a movie you’ve watched several times there’s always little parts you’ve missed.

Being forcibly released from what you have been accustomed to or believed is like a detox. All the things in your life that weren’t really important dissolve as time goes by while the gems that became covered on the way up show themselves to you again. There’s an appreciation for blue skies and smiles when you’ve withdrawn from the complexities that you thought were standard.

Sometimes rock bottom is an opportunity for a new and better life. Other times, when you don’t think it can get worse it might just mean that you’ve never had worse. Whether up, down or sideways it’s always temporary.
Daily Prompt: Temporary

Until the Bitter End

Like Blockbuster Video when the obvious end was near the game plan was to preserve life and hope for a turnaround. It’s always easier to hope and pray than to begin the transition onto seemingly nothing. I’ve often opted for the bitter end as it gave me the permission to do nothing. If someone or something chose to end it for me then in my head it released me from any possible regret of making the wrong choice. If I was the one to cut the cord then it was likely I was 99% sure it was over…almost nothing is 100%.

When the bitter end arrives the time to jump ship was long time ago. Inaction is often as detrimental as bad action but at least with the latter you tried. Doing nothing can be the same as rolling over and giving your attacker your neck. Hoping something will happen by staying the course can be just an excuse you tell yourself so that you don’t have to admit you’re a coward.

Paralyzed by the possibilities of feeling dumb the convenience of time is another reason to not make a move. Every moment you’re thinking of justifications to do nothing though is a moment you’re taking away from thinking about doing something. It’s a common practice to do nothing hoping that you’ll wake up one day on the shore of a paradise island. Taking action involves effort and discomfort.

It’s advantageous to know what you want in life because then it’s easy to decide what’s going to take you there or not. Not knowing leaves you floating in an ocean only to make a move when a storm appears. You only get so many chances before the last storm sucks you in while you look back at where you could have navigated to.
Daily Prompt: Bitter