Life Introspection

Escaping your past is the mother of all detoxes. To erase 30 years of your life when it is the foundation of your being is like cutting the legs off of the beast. Your life is a culmination of your memories and you cannot wipe out the hard drive no matter how much you want to rid yourself of the virus. You can avoid opening the files but they are there.

The idle moments of life open up those files showing you what you saved and reminding you that at one time this was your life. Most choose to keep them and others try to permanently delete them. You’ll always be a prisoner of your past to some degree. Deleting is a painful chore, so painful that most choose to live with the virus.

If I ever come across a happy life I’ll ruin it by resenting the road that brought me there. I’ll view happiness as too little too late. I’ll resent that many people lived a life from birth mostly unscathed from the tragedies that only bad luck could have cast upon them. Jealous of their obliviousness of what a struggle life can be. Happiness in the last half of your life is like the crumbs one throws you once they have had their fill. It seems silly to struggle through life just to die and be forgotten.



9 comments on “Life Introspection

  1. You are perhaps the summation of your life experiences but not necessarily their victim, unless you choose to see it that way. I believe we create our own heavens and hells each moment, depending on what we focus on. If you want to see happy, look at your dog. Animals don’t over-think happiness, take life as it comes, and do not worry about the future. At least that’s what I’ve gathered from my observations.

    Not to delete the past but to learn from it and change perspectives where necessary. Change your relationship to the past, so to speak. That’s what I attempt to do, and it seems to help.

    Liked by 1 person

    • MrJohnson says:

      I think I’m addicted to wandering to the dark side. Maybe it’s been a habit or maybe it’s more interesting there. I suppose it’s an irrational tool for survival. Trying to be on the bright side most of the time is almost like a form of meditation, for me anyway. It’s something worth trying though.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’ve been wondering (and maybe wandering, too) about what seems to be a cultural addiction to the dark side. By “cultural,” I mean Western culture, which is the only 0ne I know. It almost seems that negativity is associated with intelligence or intellectualism. Those who are upbeat, optimistic, or light-hearted are perceived as naive, impractical, or stupid.

        I like your blog partly because it is honest and shows you don’t take yourself too seriously. It reveals you to be a rather light-hearted guy, and I appreciate that. The world is starved for gentle-spirited levity, which you seem to possess.

        Liked by 1 person

        • MrJohnson says:

          Living in a Western culture often allows one to have immense idle time to think about matters outside of survival. I suppose it could be the destiny of our evolution. I agree that negativity or cynicism even are often associated with intelligence. I guess being able to see through bullshit is admirable. I’d rather be happy though even if it meant I was considered the dumbest person on the planet.

          I like anyone and any comments liking my blog. Thank you for the kind words.

          Liked by 1 person

  2. I get your point, I often think that too. Still, we have choice and power over our thoughts and perception. You have wisdom which many people will need at certain point. If we turn our pain into knowledge and be open to share it with others (by being extremely vulnerable sometimes), it will be worth it. I think our world needs more of this more than ever before. Regards.

    Liked by 1 person

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