Critical Condition Kentucky Camry


This was the scene today while I was walking home. Twenty minutes prior I got my car smashed at a busy intersection during rush hour traffic.


No, I don’t drive a Benz

I was a left turn away from picking up some woman’s kid from school so that I could make $15. I didn’t get the kid or the $15. Instead, my Kentucky Camry’s front end is smashed and there were probably a lot of pissed off people.

What I remember is sitting at the intersection waiting to make a left. There was a vehicle on the other side also waiting to make a left so my view was obstructed. The coast looked clear so I started creeping out slowly just to make sure. It all seemed good so I slowly started to execute the turn and by the time the Benz came into vision I already knew it was a done deal.

The thoughts that went through my head in the next 2 seconds were…

This is definitely going to happen and it’s going to be bad.

I’m turning left so it’s going to be legally my fault no matter what.

Maybe a hot nurse will have to touch my penis to insert the catheter. 

There’s going to be a lot of pissed off people.

And the last thought was…

Hmm, it didn’t hurt one bit.

His airbag deployed and he quickly crawled out of his vehicle through the passenger side. I stayed in my car for 10 seconds to postpone doing the walk of shame. He went into a bit of a shock while I was calm like a heavily medicated hospital patient.

The aftermath couldn’t have gone much better. The people around were very nice and comforting. “The important thing is that no one is hurt. And you have a smile on your face so it’s not that bad.” People are always commenting on the smile on my face in normally bad situations.

I was thinking the whole mess was my fault but as the events progressed I started getting the idea it wasn’t. To me I was very positive that it was going to be a safe turn. He seemed apologetic and was worried. He kept saying things like he was looking for validation. I was also surprised that he wasn’t pissed off that I caused him to crash his fairly expensive car.

The fire truck arrived in like 1 minute it seemed. After the fireman asked if we were both okay he jumped to the conclusion that I drove the Benz. “Is the Benz yours?” Around here there’s a lot of rich Chinese people and bad Chinese drivers. The other guy was of middle-eastern descent.

Once he found out it was the other guy’s he questioned him about his speed. I guess they’ve seen enough of these situations to know how it usually goes down. He asked him if he was going too fast for the conditions and the guy started stuttering saying something about how he couldn’t see me but not denying he was speeding.

I want to think that I was in the right but maybe I’m fucked in the head and I spaced out. Sure, I drove for a job for 7 years without one accident but without video I can’t say for sure what happened. It’s possible that he came out of a driveway just before the intersection which would explain why we couldn’t see each other. He’s either a very nice guy or he felt really guilty because he offered to give me a ride home with whoever was coming to pick him up. I don’t know, maybe I’m looking for confirmation biases. We’ll see what happens.

While I was walking home something happened fit for a comedy. A dump truck with snow removal capabilities sprayed dirty wet snow all over my jeans. I believe they call it insult to injury. I’m sure he got a laugh.



2 comments on “Critical Condition Kentucky Camry

  1. Mr. Johnsons' lucky to be alive cousin says:

    I’ve been splashed by large puddles on a couple of occasions. I wonder if any drivers would purposely attempt to get a person wet, like it was a game for personal entertainment.


  2. Lousy Minx says:

    Yikes. Glad you’re okay.

    Liked by 1 person

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