Linda Ronstadt Obsession


Right when you think nothing new can possibly come into your life you find yourself buying your first Linda Ronstadt vinyl record at some some guy’s garage sale. Then you end up buying another and another at a used record store where the guy gives you a funny look for buying Linda Ronstadt records. For $1-3 a record you can’t really lose.

I’ve found myself with a new obsession that has inspired me to take a different turn in life. I’m going to build a time machine that will take me back to any year in the 1970s to become a Linda Ronstadt stalker.

She probably lived in some gated mansion in California where I will show up with roses in hand. She’ll come out sooner or later probably in a robe to get her daily newspaper. A look of concern will be on her face but being as polite as she is she’ll smile and ask, “can I help you?”

” Miss Ronstadt, I’m your biggest fan from the year 2016.”

She’ll say “thank you,” and I’ll have both hands visible so that she’ll be less worried of weaponry. As she begins to turn around she turns back to look at me when I gently yell, “Linda!”

“You WILL love me.”




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