Unambitious Plans

Getting 8 hours of sleep is a good start to the day. I hit the bag briefly, walked the dog, ate the organic bok choy I grew in my backyard and then made plans to drink wine. It’s 2 PM, if I start drinking now I can drink the whole bottle throughout the day and it won’t be so bad. Showing up at the liquor store at 2 PM with an unshaven face makes people think you’re an alcoholic loser. They showed that they’ve decided I have no pride and dignity left by sending me away without even a paper bag to hide my shame.

What obligations do I have tomorrow? Nothing? Well then, maybe I’ll just throw some MDMA in my system. What’s stopping me? I’m young, invincible and possess the restraint of an immigrant to ward off the possibility of spiraling down to the gutter of drug and alcohol abuse.

Fear not, before the abuse I had a smoothie derived from 2 small oranges, organic yogurt, banana and hemp protein powder. Chock-full of anti-oxidants to fight off the evil intentions of the devil.

You drank a whole bottle of wine in one sitting? Yes, fuck you. I’m still better than you. I’m the coolest motherfucker to type his way onto WordPress. Freshly Press can clean the stains from my underwear.

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4 comments on “Unambitious Plans

  1. kalyrical says:

    What a wild ride this post was. Started with organic bok choy, led on to MDMA, and then rounded it off with the impressive feat of downing an entire bottle of wine in one sitting. 😂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I have never been drunk during the day. How do you feel at the end of it? I would think you just drop and call it a night.

    Liked by 1 person

    • MrJohnson says:

      At first you feel like a loser because culture tells you so. Daytime drinking is better than being drunk in the late evening because you get to sober up well before bedtime. Going to sleep drunk raises the severity of a hangover. I’ve developed a strategy behind abusing substances.

      Like

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