Craigslist Shopping

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$40

The last old white guy who sold me a rotary phone told me how great his was, “they don’t make them like they used to.” After bringing it home I found out it didn’t ring like it used to either because it was missing the bell. His kid probably yanked it for a science experiment.

This other old white guy gave me his “word” that this one was fully functional. “If it doesn’t work you know where I live.” I told him I would be too lazy to come back to look for him(50 minute drive). I had full confidence in him though and turns out his word was as good as a golden toilet(I was just listening to a radio program talking about Saddam Hussein’s gold toilets). In other words the phone was fully functional!

You might be thinking that I picked up a piece of shit for $40 but I’ll have you know I found a gem for a bargain.

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$50

A couple weeks ago I picked up a leather heavy bag made in USA, USA, USA. If you have ambitions of beating and dragging small Asian women this would be an ideal exercise equipment to have weighing in at 80 pounds.

During my bag workouts I picture various people that I do not like and sock them in the lip and then in the solar plexus. It’s a great workout and stress reliever. Far more enjoyable than the hamster wheel treadmill.

I felt that not sweating regularly besides from the hot steam from hot meals hitting my face was probably unhealthy. I hate jogging because it’s kind of boring and torturous like most other cardio exercises. You know you live in a good country when you run aimlessly to burn extra calories.

 

 

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