I always thought CBT was for people who had disorders that were severe enough that they had no choice but to seek professional attention. Before I had quit my job I thought about looking up a counsellor of some sort but I didn’t want to spend the money and energy finding one that would be a good match. If they were a one size fits all I probably would have.
A large part of wanting to attend therapy is for entertainment purposes. I’m not one who enjoys fun in the classical sense as much as others. I’m more geared towards seeking interesting and purposeful.
I don’t believe I have issues that I can’t handle but I obviously have issues, and some good therapy would speed up my development. But then again, they might “fix” me and I would end up being like everyone else. Being a bit of a mess makes me interesting…so I think.
For my whole life, in certain situations I reacted or acted a bit off due to anxiousness, nervousness or fear. I realize this is fairly normal but I want to improve myself since I’m probably going to be alive for a while. I’d rather excel than be excused.
In the past I would do what many people do when their unfavourable actions stemmed from emotion…I would justify it or blame something external. No way would I admit to a flaw.
With my life experience, and realizing my patterns and their outcomes I’ve been stopping my usual way of thinking when certain situations arise. Wait, wait. You’re doing it again. Think, think. What’s the right choice. That’s uncomfortable. Just do it. Often the answer is to don’t do it like knowing when to shut up.
It’s easy to just keep going on the rails that you’re used to when it never takes you to complete hell and keeps you there. As long as you can prop yourself back on the wrong familiar track you’re easily satisfied. Slowing the train down and changing tracks takes effort and a bit of courage. Many would rather be the sleepy conductor. I find myself asleep at the wheel all the time or whatever they call the thing to steer a train.
I don’t know, maybe I will try the therapist route one of these days. I just don’t want that shit on my record. Therapy sessions combined with this blog won’t look good in a courtroom.