SaTURDay Ramblings

Nothing like starting out the day with 2 slices of pizza and a big piece of cake…breakfast of losers. I take that back for the sake of pretending I have a healthy self-esteem. Old white people are always trying to boost my self-esteem. I’m a love child not a bastard child. I’m a fine young man. I get the sense thinking negatively towards yourself no matter how true it is goes against the Canadian culture. This is probably why so many people are full of shit.

When I shove 100 grams of carbohydrates into my mouth in one sitting I feel extreme guilt. My way of reconciling this is to either eat nothing for the next 8 hours or I go for a long walk.

Yesterday the dog and I walked about 15 kilometers. I want to take her out again but I’m waiting for her to take a dump at home first. We’re in the backyard and she is showing no signs of bowel congestion. She has this habit of stopping suddenly during our walks and dropping her turds on the pavement. It’s not always easy removing dog shit from a dry sidewalk. To clean off the remnants of crap lodged in the grooves of the cement I have to wash it off by urinating on it.

In the strip mall by my place there’s a large retail Walmart type store and a smaller pet supply store. I wanted to help the little guy but I didn’t want to pay twice as much for half the product. Maybe I lack character. I was then faced with the dilemma of buying biodegradable poop bags or its enemy. I wanted to do the ethical thing but with my dollar I voted for the devil. It was cheaper and came with a dispenser. I rationalized to myself that the world may end by nuclear warfare so what would all this saving the environment stuff matter anyway.

If the world is going to end sooner or later, what difference does it make if it’s sooner? The only difference is a different set of people are going to be the last ones to live. If you ask people when they think the world is going to go to shits, their answer will conveniently be the amount of time it takes for their existing bloodline to die a natural death with a little bit of a buffer. Ask some 80-year-old with no kids and they will tell you the world will be done in 20 years.

If you have any tips on how to urge a dog to do a #2, please let me know.

 

 

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11 comments on “SaTURDay Ramblings

  1. Fred Colton says:

    Spot on, especially about the natural bloodline thing. I’ve noticed that before.

    Like

  2. BerLinda says:

    I have been known to indulge in the odd breakfast pizza myself. It’s when you have pizza for dinner as well that things are really on a slippery slope 😉

    Like

  3. Wanda says:

    And the best way to get dog’s to do the doo-doo is walking. Sorry, friend.

    Like

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