Voluntary Solitude

Some cultural issues that have been long stigmatized have been trendy to write about in recent years. People who formerly had no outlet prior to the internet age can now send their message to the world about mental illness, introversion and being a loner. The internet has allowed losers a way to feel better about themselves.

Solitude can make you weird. It can make you follow through with the idea of peeing in your backyard more often than in your bathroom because there is no one to judge you. Even though you are saving 2 gallons of drinkable water for every urination, no one will respect you for it.

A recovering alcoholic would always like to have a shot of whiskey but they know it’s not a good idea. Voluntary loner or not, everyone would like some form of human interaction. I email people on Craigslist for items I don’t even want because I know there is a very good chance someone will reply to me. I’m joking but it could be a reality one day.

Hi, I’m interested in your broken mirror. Can you tell me how you broke it?

There’s this one friend I sometimes think of calling because not too long ago we would hang out and have a good time, and I know he is in my area quite often. I’m under the suspicion though he is avoiding me because he thinks there is a possibility I’m into his girlfriend. Even though I have no intention of stealing his girlfriend, I could see why he would be paranoid about the idea. Those things do happen. One day you think you’re happily married and the next day you come home early from work to see your wife in bed with your twin brother. Would that still be considered cheating?

So I don’t bother seeking his company because I don’t know how I feel about the idea that he thinks I’m after his girlfriend. Of course I could be wrong that he thinks this but nothing else makes as much sense. I’ll spare you the details. All the other people I can join for fun and games I completely avoid so this leaves me in a state of solitude most of the time.

Solitude is a good way to expand your mind. Enlightening thoughts don’t come around when you identify with the beliefs of the masses. A dose of solitude can be healing but too much for too long can drive you to madness.

Daily Prompt: Solitude





In Case You Needed More Evidence

You have probably heard the phrase, “there are good people out there.” I guess it’s true but most people are losers especially if they think they can get away with it.

Volunteering Expectations

Daily Prompt: Disappointment 


When thinking about going into a situation I ask myself what can happen and what is the least that can happen. In my past days of higher optimism my expectations were what I desperately wanted to have happen while ignoring the realities.

Volunteering is seen as a selfless act or at least something good to do. The picture that you might get in your head of a group of volunteers is that they are the nicest people. You might think that volunteering will change your life. I probably thought these things in the past but even before I started volunteering, my expectations for people in general was bare bones. I don’t really live by the mantra, expect nothing and you will never be disappointed because I do expect my internet connection not to lag but I don’t expect much when it comes to human behaviour.  

From my experience with volunteering thus far, the great majority of regular volunteers are people with too much time on their hands and people who are required to volunteer because of work or school obligations…so retirees, non-profit employees and students.

The majority of volunteers that I have encountered are not that nice. They are often impatient, judgmental and demanding. They’re like union workers in that they do as little as possible, ditch work when the weather is good and complain about everything.

It’s easy to become jaded as the volunteer coordinator because you deal with the volunteers who sometimes feel they are owed something for their unpaid work and also the clients that try to abuse a free service.

It’s possible what I have seen is not indicative of the whole volunteer spectrum. The caliber of volunteer you get at an organization could also largely depend on the type of volunteer gig.

The only thing I expected from volunteering was the opportunity to help people who needed help especially when there was no one else to do it. If I expected anything more there could have been disappointment.



Life and Old People

Life messes with your head when you’re not getting the stimulation that you expect. To live out the majority of your days repeating what was done 28 of the last 30 days feels like a life only fit for robots. Primitive wiring tells you that you need to do something quick because you might die tomorrow. Unfortunately, life is rarely that exciting. We’ve managed to ensure a high likelihood that we’ll be around longer than we really want to…it’s a cruel trick that we’ve played on ourselves. At least the ones who profit from incontinence underwear have something to smile about.

Who would have seen the day when people are more of a problem than a resource. Up until recent history there was a real issue with not dying and infant mortality. Now we have problems with unwanted pregnancies, people in the prime of their lives who have no real purpose in life, old people who can’t wait to die and people in their 50s who can’t wait for old people to die so that they can get their inheritance. Old people hang on to all of their money until death so that it will ensure their ‘loved ones’ won’t ditch them. I wonder how many adult children witnessed their last parent dying of a heart attack and only pretended to call emergency services. It’s only been 30 minutes mom. Just close your eyes and they will be here soon.



Doggy Double Standards

Shit gets stuck to the dog’s bum fur sometimes and I get the pleasure of cleaning it. Luckily she is an 8 pounder so I can hold her in one arm while the other arm is holding her tail back so that the water from the faucet can rinse most of the crap away.

Sometimes I don’t notice it right away, which will give her opportunity to lift her hind legs and drag her bum on the floor creating her own shit masterpieces.

Having a dog sit on your lap is like having a naked human being who never wipes their butt sit on your lap. If dog shit is cleaner then I guess an exposed dog anus is better. If it is cleaner though it doesn’t smell any better.



Bad Breath Self-defense

Daily Prompt: Breath


If I had to choose between having bad breath or a farting problem I think I would have to choose the latter because at least you can blame it on someone else. It wasn’t me. Ya, it does stink(pulling top of shirt over nose). No one is going to stick their face near your butt to find out. When you smell bad breath though it’s obvious because the smell and the open mouth that it came from exist almost simultaneously. It hits you like an invisible ghost.

I brace myself for bad breath when I’m confined to close quarters such as movie theatres or a packed automobile. Once I see a start of a yawn from either side I cease to inhale air through my nose for 10 seconds. A yawn reaches deep inside the origin of the beast to unleash its deepest evil which is then transported by a huff of hot breath. It’s a small version of a biological weapon.

A mouth breather with bad breath is the worse. It’s like a non-stop fart from a mouth without the filter of 2 layers of clothing. All you can do is discreetly position your hand on your face in a way so that the nostrils are partially blocked but also making it look like you are just resting your head on your hand.

When I think my breath is not so stellar I speak away from the person’s face if I can and with a soft spoken voice. When people are speaking to me within close face proximity I always hold my breath because although someone’s breath might not stink it can only smell so good. Plus I don’t want to be breathing in anyone’s breath excrement.

I’ve also always thought that it’s better to be ugly than to always stink in some way. People can get used to your ugly face and possibly even get to like it but they just can’t get used to stink.


Annoying Dog Owners

Some people strive to have a closer relationship with God. Some people unexpectedly become best friends with their dog. This dog has been the main bitch in my life. I walk her, bathe her, feed her, rinse her bum and talk to her like she has an idea what I’m even saying. Oh you’re so cute you.

I thought I headed to the park late enough for the usual dog walking gang to be back home but it wasn’t so. I had no choice but to merge in with them.

It’s annoying when you’re stuck with parents talking about their kids in detail.

Today, Jayden smiled every time he took a sip of his orange juice. He doesn’t like too much pulp.

Haha…Sarah does that too but only when she is watching The Power Puff Girls.

Dog owners are no different especially if the ones who never had kids and use their dog as a substitute.

I can’t say ‘walk’ in front of Pookie otherwise he’ll get all excited. 

She even knows when we spell the word out. We have to use code words in front of Zola. 

If you say so but dogs are pretty dumb. People like to think their dogs are so smart. Maybe, but only compared to a dog that is really retarded. My dog is a bona fide idiot. She is cute though, I’ll give her that.