First World Reflections

The wild sockeye salmon lost its freshness so I trickled it down to the next contestant…the dog. I’m making her sound like a bottom feeder but while feeding her I realized that one might be better off being a First World dog then a Third World human.

There’s people over there walking miles every day to bring back buckets of water on top of their head which would be considered a good day. This morning I ran clean drinking water on my dog’s butthole because of her dirty defecation. She struggled, not knowing how privileged she was to have liquid gold purify her anus and a servant to wipe her dry afterwards.

If we want to contribute to humanitarianism we should hold off on the stray animals and adopt a starving African kid. They can feed themselves and wash their own bum. In North America we buy a lottery ticket hoping to get lucky. In parts of Asia they pray at the bedside for Angelina Jolie to come to their village.

Suckers for Entertainment

Outside of our jobs, life seems to largely revolve around entertainment. Many jobs even are part of the entertainment industry. Back in the Roman Empire days, it’s said that “the games” that took place at the Colosseum were to keep the people happy.

It’s not so much different today where we have the internet, TV, phones and places to occupy our idle time. We live for scandals, celebrity gossip and big headlines. We’ve sent the message that we want to be entertained by using our dollar, views and likes.

I’m not into politics and I don’t have an opinion unlike many others on whether or not Donald Trump would make a decent president or not but I can tell you for entertainment purposes, Donald is your man. This makes me wonder if even the presidency is somewhat rigged for the sake of entertainment. I’m not even an American but for the first time it has me slightly interested.

Being the first somewhat black president, Obama was good for entertainment as well. If Hilary wins, being the first female president would be much more interesting than some regular looking old white guy. It would just be odd if another Bush won.

I never watch the Oscars but with the combination of the whole racism controversy and Chris Rock being the host, they got me. I watched his opening act which I thought was decent but not great, then two award acceptances which were boring as plane crackers. I should change the channel just to take one viewer away from their ratings.

Our want for easy entertainment can make people famous for nothing. Take a giant grainy penis inside of you and somehow millions of people idolize you and watch your show about nothing.


Professional Anything

When you are at your job long enough, you become a professional at it whether intentionally or not. 8 hours every day wiping asses will make you superior at your craft over the average citizen with the best name brand 3 ply.

After a few years of delivering parcels in the same area, I can confidently say that there are less than a handful of people in this world who could navigate that area better than I. Unfortunately, such knowledge does not land me any great opportunities or beautiful women. I should have dedicated those years instead to weight lifting and the art of lying.

With several hours of spare time and energy, I have the opportunity to become a professional at something. The overwhelming population will only spend 8 hours a day on something if they feel they have to. To do so purely out of your own desire is for the insane and very successful.

There’s a bowling alley not too far from here. I’m sure they would give me a discount if I went there every day. Chances are there will be some semi-professional bowlers there who have no purpose in life and would be glad to mentor me.

As a more pragmatic approach to life, I could consider training as a barber and cut people’s hair in my garage. The downside would be that I would have to cut people’s hair. Life is so unfair.

I may have to go back to my high school counsellor for guidance with what to do with my life. Evolution has its disadvantages, I think. In a hunter gatherer setting I would be in the great outdoors stalking buffalo and women would have their breasts for all to see. With no police, hospitals and rubbing alcohol, death would be my answer to not knowing what to do with my life.


Daily Prompt: Successful


Wednesday Diary

I ordered a new phone through online chat support today. I inquired and “Damien” made me an offer I could barely refuse. I’m not the least bit excited but if you’re going to have a cell phone you’d might as well take advantage of getting a free one when you can.

About a year ago a girl working at a cell phone store mocked me because my phone was “3 generations behind.” Oh the horror. When I get a new phone I’m already 1 generation behind because I always get last year’s model. I’m not lining up on opening day at the Apple Store unless if their new model cooks me lunch.

After my big business deal I dropped off some vegetarian take-out food to an old, disabled lady which may or may not have inspired my vegan lunch.


1 small/medium crown of raw broccoli, brown rice, 1 avocado and homemade salsa. If they served this at a restaurant or supermarket it would probably be labeled as a salad. I harmonized the meal with a plant-based drink of green tea that I sipped while in the lotus position.

I took the dog for a nice walk and the first thing it does when we get home is take a giant whiz on the floor. What a loser. Then again why should I have such high expectations. I’m going to attempt to take a nap now.



Blind Therapy

My latest volunteer gig involves me assisting a visually impaired lady with various small duties. For the most part though, my main role seems to be attending to her loneliness.

If you’ve never had much experience with blind people then your conditioning will have you forget about their disability. During my first visit with her I saw that she was going to step on a bag on the floor so I told her to, “watch out.” It reminded me of the time I told a paraplegic in a wheelchair to “get up.” I’m sure one day I will tell a deaf-mute to “listen and be quiet.”

I’m not sure who is feeling more pity for whom. As she asks more personal questions she receives a compilation of somber answers. She cannot fathom a person with my background and current situation to be living a life not requiring professional intervention.

She seems quite persistent with trying to help me with my perceived personal shortcomings even with my assurances to her that I’m fine. My automatic response to questions is to be honest but it may be more polite and pragmatic to paint a mental picture that shows at least some roses. But then again, I may be giving her a new found purpose in life.


Moving Away From People

It’s difficult for people to envision a life that has never existed yet. Even when cell phones and the internet were widely available, most people didn’t see the smartphone coming with all of its capabilities. Most of us unconsciously believe that in 50-100 years from now the norm will still be people going to go to school, working jobs and having kids like we’ve been doing for a “long time.”

Maybe that will still be the scenario but it’s very possible it won’t be. The evolution of life seems to involve trying to get away from people. We started out as massive tribes but the more developed a nation becomes the less people want to reproduce. Humans used to depend entirely on being with groups of people to survive the day to day life but now we see more people as parasites that take away from our existence. Who lives in a home with more than 5 people these days?

If you think about bringing a life into this world you probably think about the chances of your offspring living a decent life. Depending on who you are or where you are, a “decent life” for your kid will have different meanings. For First World inhabitants I think in general it means a life where you think happiness is very possible.

With the way that life is going, I don’t know if many people will continue to believe that the person they bring into this world will be thankful for being born. With more competition for jobs, technology replacing people, availability of cheap labour, dwindling resources and a higher cost of living, life is looking more grim for the ones who aren’t super motivated and ambitious.

I guess there are still reasons to bring new people into this world even if they are doomed to live a horrid life. Who’s going to wipe your ass when you’re old and change your incontinence underwear? Then again there will probably be robots to do that job with a smile. I’m going to program mine to call me “Master.”



Blasting Off with a Pot Cookie

I was advised to only eat half a pot cookie so I ate one whole one. The world of marijuana edibles is fairly new to me but I know two important rules. The first rule is…don’t eat too much. What’s too much? That’s the tricky part because everyone has a different tolerance and reaction to different substances. Plus when you are dealing with homemade marijuana edibles the amount of active ingredient is unknown.

When I first started feeling the effects it was tolerable but as time went on the effects became more intense to the point of borderline psychosis. Every negative thought that exists in my brain was magnified to dangerous levels. If I wasn’t conscious of the second rule of ingesting edibles I could have done something stupid like call emergency services or jump off a building. Rule #2 is to know that the craziness will pass and everything will be okay.

I went to a place hoping for a mild to warm climate with calm conditions but I got caught up in a tornado. I don’t want to go there again.


Smartphone Detox

If you want to hear complaints about smartphones just hang out with some old people for a while. Perhaps the only difference between an addiction to smartphones and smoking cigarettes is that there isn’t any overwhelming scientific studies available that indicate smartphones are bad for your health. Old people hate smartphones mostly because they have little use for them.

A couple of weeks ago I entertained the idea of taking a sabbatical from my smartphone because I dislike my addiction to it. I call it an addiction because I reach for my phone at times when I have no reason to. It’s like smoking cigarettes in that many times when you light one up it’s because you’re bored and also want to satisfy the urge for physical movement without looking silly. A person who idly stands around looks misplaced and vulnerable.

My journey to detox from the intelligent device failed in about 20 minutes at a large retail store when I used the camera to take a photo of instructions and again when I used the app “Shazam” to recognize the song playing from the ceiling. Obviously the cold turkey method was not the way.

The thought of just using one of those mentally retarded cell phones came to mind but those old phones have shitty cameras. I just can’t get away from wanting to have high definition camera capabilities on me wherever I go. Last night I restrategized and formed a new method of attack. I turned off the internet access on my phone and decided that I won’t switch it on unless I need to. Sounds like a weak plan, I know. But I’ve decided and once I make a decision I give it an honest effort.

This morning was the first in a few years that the first thing I didn’t do was reach for my phone. If I want to check something I’ll do it the old fashion way by waiting until I am at home, walking to my computer and pressing buttons. Maybe I’ll start wearing a wrist watch too.

Writing a Book

Before I got on WordPress a few years ago, I had never heard of anyone I knew who wanted to write a book. If I had, I would have probably laughed at them. WordPress has taught me that the idea of writing a book might be more popular than I once thought.

So here I am entertaining the idea of writing a book. I feel embarrassed to even have this aspiration because I might become one of those bloggers who talks about writing a book but never does it. I started writing it and very soon I realized it’s not that easy even if you have massive amounts of content in your head. The difficult part I’ve found so far is structure. I started writing and then it just went all over the place to the point where I started getting confused what I was writing about. I’m still not 90% sure what exactly this book will be about.

A question that I continue to ask myself is if anyone would even find what I’m writing about interesting. I kind of concluded that it doesn’t matter as much compared to how much I will enjoy writing it. To me, this book has no chance of getting done unless I enjoy doing it.

It will be a non-fiction book about life, work, culture and something else at the end. “Something else” is dependent on what happens with my life in the short-term future. I’m afraid not having any idea of what the ending chapters will be about will allow my brain to give me permission to procrastinate. There’s also a strong assumption that I have that certain unhealthy drugs will give me the power to write like a very motivated person but I don’t intend to go down that route. I’ll have to rely on good old strength and determination that tends to not be very reliable. Mine is usually comparable to a Ford Pinto.

Attempting to write this book is similar to my life in that there’s not much steam because of the uncertainty of the direction. I suppose if I can’t produce enough material then I will have to demote my book to a booklet and if there’s not enough for a booklet then it will just be a very long blog post.