36-Year-Old Paperboy

You’ll always hear on TV how people are pissed off about not having steady full-time work available in their area. “We want jobs!” I’ve always been quite the opposite. My gripe has always been about the lack of part-time opportunities. A lot of places have part-time available but what that usually means is that you are part-time status with full-time availability without the advantages of a full-time employee. They want to stick it in you and have you clean it up too.

Periodically I will go on Craigslist to see if there are any desirable job opportunities that are not full-time. There’s not a lot out there when you don’t have any skilled training. My future might entail me jerking off in front of a webcam for perverted old white men who have a thing for naturally hairless chests.

One job that is always available is newspaper delivery which is really low on the social ladder for a 36-year-old adult who was born in Canada. If it wasn’t early mornings I would consider it given the advantages. It’s only a couple hours a day, 5 days a week, no supervisor and it pays around $400-800 a month. No matter how shitty I would feel at the beginning of the day, I know it will be over in a couple hours.

The other day I got a random call from a person I haven’t spoken to for a long time. She got a job at the Casino recently and told me they will be hiring for Slot Attendants soon. It’s not a bad gig given the tips but I’ll have to be there 10 hours a day for 3 days a week cashing out old people gambling away their kids inheritance. Plus I have to care about my appearance. I can’t just pop on a hat and a dirty uniform like I used to. I’ll have to shower and stuff, wear some button shirt with a collar and black shoes. Wah, wah, wah.

A 36-year-old paperboy who lives with his mother. I’m a modern day gladiator!


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