Don’t Kill Your Wife

Lately, I’ve been watching Dateline NBC Murder Mysteries because I’m into that real life stuff. As a kid I was forced to watch adult oriented TV shows like the 6 o’clock news followed by Inside Edition, A Current Affair and then depending on the day, whatever was on from 8 PM to 9 PM(10 PM on weekends). Bedtime was 9 PM on school nights.

After about 5 episodes of Dateline, I’ve come to the conclusion that there doesn’t have to be any hard evidence to be convicted of murder. It just takes a jury to think, “yeah, it must have been them.”

If you’re the spouse of a murder victim and they can’t find any other suspects, you’re pretty much screwed. As the spouse you’re likely going to have the means, motive and opportunity. In all those cases I watched, the ones charged with murder were thought to be guilty and had to prove themselves innocent.

Most times there was no murder weapon, video or DNA evidence. It was often a situation where one was the beneficiary of a life insurance plan, rumours of a troubled marriage or something else that was circumstantial. It seems as though one could easily frame someone for a murder.

Prosecutors seem to just want someone to throw in jail so that they can get a tick on the win column and close the case. In their heads, if someone looks guilty enough then they aren’t going to hold back.

All the stories have similarities. Family members always take the side of their own blood, if found guilty the accused always claims innocence and there’s always a good reason to kill your spouse.

It’s also common for the cops to look through people’s Google searches and other types of technology which I think is also very circumstantial even when it’s suspicious. I do searches for some really obscure things sometimes and I write things just for entertainment purposes on this blog.

“In 2015 Mr. Johnson, you stated on your blog that you like to blow on the buttholes of dogs.”

“Objection! What does Mr Johnson’s dog butthole blowing fetish have anything to do with this case?”

“Your honour, it shows Mr Johnson’s deviant nature and lack of character.”

I would lose all credibility in a courtroom. From then on the jurors would look at my face and only see a guy who goes around lifting tails and blowing air into canine buttholes.

You have to have a lot of balls to orchestrate your wife’s or husband’s murder and hope to get away with it. At the very least you’re going to have to take a lot of heat. But I guess some people are very ambitious and driven.



12 comments on “Don’t Kill Your Wife

  1. Mr. Johnsons' Cousin says:

    Didn’t you just love those racy episodes of girls in skimpy outfits on inside edition and a current affair?


  2. I love those true crime TV programs. My favorite is one called Southern Fried Homicide


  3. HappyApathy says:

    I watch all those shows. I’m not sure the exact statistic, but yeah, murders are very often done by someone close. That definitely provides opportunity for frame up. Spouse is the first one they look at.

    I just saw one where they we’re looking hard at the step dad, really digging into him. It was a case where the whole family got poisoned, except one daughter. Turns out the neighbor has two advanced degrees in chemistry…


  4. Wanda says:

    Still laughing at your poor character and butthole blowing fetish. Yep, still laughing…


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