Dogs Over People

I like dogs just how I like humans…I like the ones that aren’t assholes. I wouldn’t categorize myself as a dog lover nor would I categorize myself as a human lover. For whatever reasons there seems to be more dog lovers than human lovers. In case dog lovers are in denial, there is such a thing as a dickhead dog.

My volunteer applications have been sent to various animal shelters with no response. Apparently, they have an abundance of people looking to volunteer with them so you have to be somewhat special to get a gig there. They have so many volunteers they say, that if there is one error on your application they will just delete it. There is one position though that doesn’t get much attention which is the Overnight Guardian position for small dogs and puppies because of the time you have to pick up a dog at 5pm and bring it back between 11 AM and 12:00 PM the next day. They state that they “especially need people for this position.” Even with my flexible schedule and willingness they are not interested with me. My guess is that they don’t think I’m qualified.

It’s a dog for freak’s sake. They eat their own shit, lick their crotch all day and sniff the butts of anything that has a butthole. They make it seem like you’re handling a sensitive nuclear device or the next heir to the throne. Who knows, maybe these animal shelters favour females. I shouldn’t speculate but I have to because this blog is for entertainment purposes. But the definite verdict is that more people would rather volunteer with animals than they would helping old people.

Maybe they’ll call me in the near future. It would make a good addition to my blog. “Dog of the Week.” If it got enough attention the SPCA would find my blog and then ban me for life for the disgusting things that I write.




9 comments on “Dogs Over People

  1. Dori Nicole says:

    racial profiling? You may eat them, maybe?

    ok ok bad joke bad joke.


  2. GM Roberts says:

    Dogs are a lot like kids, you can put up with the shit they do if they’re yours, but not so much somebody else’s. I like my dogs, just don’t bring yours when you come to visit.


    • MrJohnson says:

      They definitely are a lot like kids. They’re both okay to come for a visit if they don’t piss everywhere and make too much noise.

      Dogs, 3-year-olds and the mentally challenged all operate at about the same level.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. HappyApathy says:

    I signed up to volunteer at my local NPR affiliate, National Public Radio. I am starting up a new job February 1st, though, and the time slots when they have shifts do not look like they will be possible for me.

    Up there you have CBC, right . . .? Do they have volunteering opportunities there? That would be pretty sweet.


    • MrJohnson says:

      New job, congrats. People outside of Canada actually know about the CBC? Maybe they need volunteers since they’re always laying off people. I should look to expand my volunteering horizons so thanks.

      Liked by 1 person

      • HappyApathy says:

        Oh yeah, I like a lot of the cbc stuff. Radio 2…you have terrific music coming out of there. I used to get any and all news analysis podcasts I could from cbc.

        Also bbc, Australia’s ABC….Ireland’s RTE…

        Liked by 1 person

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