Half Shaven

When you’re an Asian male, chances are your shaving sessions aren’t as epic because of the lack of facial hair. When the foils on my cordless electric shaver become faulty, I just buy a new shaver because replacing the foils will cost me half the price of a new shaver anyway.

I did just that a couple weeks ago and this morning the shaver lost its battery juice and died while there was still scruff on half my face. Not to worry, I’ll just plug it in and finish the job. I’ve been buying the same type of Remington shaver for a while but this new model has decided that it won’t turn on while plugged in.

The cynic in me suspects this new feature was implemented to force people to buy a new shaver once the battery life becomes unsatisfactory. Not that many people need a cordless shaver that badly if there is an electrical plug close enough to the bathroom sink.

The non-cynic in me says this is a new safety feature because in recent years there may have been kids burned alive from fires started by a Remington shaver in use while plugged into the wall. A power surge from a lightning storm sent 100,000 volts through the electrical outlet to the shaver and blew the fucking thing up which set the linen closet on fire. Poor kids. They jumped out of the top floor window covered in flames and landed on a solid garden gnome made of stone.

I took the shaver back to the store hoping I would get some kind of customer satisfaction refund. How could she refuse me with my half shaven face? She laughed and gave me an in-store credit. She didn’t even look at the shaver. I guess me being, “not satisfied” was a good enough reason.

I bought the replacement foils and blades for my old shaver for $25. They don’t make things like they used to. Ughh, my back.



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