There’s too much free time in my life than I want right now. For most of my life I was happy to have nothing to do especially if there was decent entertainment available but for whatever reasons it’s different now. Sitting around in front of a screen just doesn’t appeal to me like it did before.
My brain can’t help itself but go to that thought of “maybe you shouldn’t have quit your job?” I have to go back to the database to retrieve the answer for that and then say to myself, “oh ya.”
When you are a 35 year old male and you find yourself available to watch daytime television with the likes of The View, Kelly and Michael, Ellen DeGeneres and the others who all give away gifts to overly enthusiastic middle-aged women, it motivates you to do something about your life. There’s a level of loserism that even I won’t resign to.
Even on the days when I volunteer somewhere for a few hours I don’t feel the day is complete. When I did have a 9-5 job I never really felt it took up too much time out of my day, I just felt it took too much out of me and from me. Eight hours a day isn’t so much except when it’s 8 hours of feeling crappy.
I was happy with doing not much the first two months after quitting my job because that’s what I wanted to do. I told myself after those two months were done that I would keep busy in a worthwhile manner. It slipped my mind that transition is rarely smooth especially when you’re starting from zero with a semi-broken compass searching for your destination.
I might get a gym pass good for all the community centres here. I can stave off bone density loss and muscle atrophy while I’m finding the promised land.
I’m hopeful and feel better now that I just reminded myself that things take time.