Yesterday was supposed to be part 2 of my charitable donation adventure but the old guy felt too sick to get out of bed. Because of the need of my services, I’ve been involuntarily alcohol free since Saturday. It’s sobering to realize what I can do if I feel it’s worthwhile.
Last time(part 1), we were unable to successfully produce an illegitimate urine sample to the lab because of the temperature requirements. Today we had a more tactical approach to the mission.
Prior testing was done beforehand with water and a thermometer to produce a more predictable outcome. When the water sample in a small bottle reached a few degrees above normal body temperature it was then placed on the inside of his underwear against his testicles for 20 minutes as that would be the area of concealment and the estimated time of travel and delivery.
In room temperature and with the bottle against his nut sack, the temperature of the urine dropped a few degrees. I’m sorry about not having exact numbers.
5-Hour Energy drink was not consumed but it was the vessel used to smuggle the urine. It made a good candidate because the bottle was small and leak proof. With the opening of the bottle being quite small, I urinated into a larger mouthed bottle first and then it was poured through the funnel into the 5-Hour Energy bottle. It would have probably been better to urinate straight into the bottle that would be going into battle but I guess this experiment did not adhere to the strictest of guidelines. Urine was placed in a bowl of semi-hot water to raise the temperature of the urine a few degrees and then strapped to the corresponding gonads and out the door we went. During the car ride he said that he could feel the bottle cooling. I suggested putting the bottle up his anus for a better warming effect. He declined but agreed that it would be more effective. The conclusion…
The temperature strip on the lab’s bottle registered a slightly below body temperature reading but that might be a normal reading given that the urine temperature would drop a little once immersed by the room temperature surroundings. The sample wasn’t immediately rejected as far as we know so there’s hope thus far.
I guess part 3 will be whether or not my urine will suffice to his advantage. To some, it may seem like I participated in an immoral act but the circumstances behind this involve a large company hoping to weasel their way out of a situation by any means necessary. Sometimes the law provides legal protection for immoral acts.
Please contribute to my new campaign to help me stay alcohol free by ordering my urine. I accept PayPal or cookies.
Now I can finally have a freaking glass of wine.