Not Just Another Day

Another New Year’s Eve post…how predictable. Or perhaps this is the old bait-and-switch and I’m going to suddenly switch the topic to bestiality.

Some will say New Year’s Eve is just another day but it really isn’t. If it was just another day you wouldn’t be thinking about how great or dull your existence will be in just a matter of hours.

There will be other thoughts circulating in your mind unlike any other day such as the birth of a new year named 2016. The year that your life will hopefully change for the better just like how you hoped 2015 would.

If today was just another day, I wouldn’t be feeling like a loser knowing that I have nowhere to go like on those other Thursdays. It also wouldn’t be as difficult to resist thinking about drinking alcohol.

If 2016 is just a number then you wouldn’t be thinking about how you are going to change your life starting tomorrow. Even though the majority will fail at changing their lives next year, at least 2016 sparked a glimmer of hope, a bit of motivation and maybe a reminder that you didn’t do jack-shit in the last 12 months. Without 2016, tomorrow would just be tomorrow.

I’m organizing a Skype party if you have nothing else to do tonight…………………………………………….not.

Wishing you good times tonight.

Earthquake

Last night around 11 PM I was sitting at my desk in the corner of my room when the desk and chair started shaking. The first thing I thought was that my dog was causing this but it didn’t make sense because my dog is a 8.4 pound Shih Tzu(I just weighed her). Then the blinds started shaking and I was like…holy shit, it’s an earthquake. A 4.3 magnitude quake they say, that originated on the island next to us.

It lasted about 3-4 seconds but I freaked out because it’s just more fun that way. I quickly put together a backpack of stuff in case I had to make a getaway.

  • Waterproof ski pants
  • Socks and shirt
  • Passport
  • $300 USD
  • Bic Lighter
  • Flashlight
  • Cans of Heinz beans
  • Drugs(if I’m going to die then I want to be high)

For the last 25 years they’ve been saying Vancouver is going to get the “big one” soon. I live in a region where it is supposedly supposed to sink if the big earthquake happens. I’ve had thoughts of buying an inflatable raft which I would put on the roof of my house if the disaster was imminent. Hopefully my mother will be at work as I don’t think she’ll be able to make her way up on to the roof.  It would be sad to wave goodbye to her from up top while she gets swept away by the tsunami. The dog will miss her dearly.

Luckily the big one didn’t happen and it turned out to be the equivalent of a guy jerking off to release tension so he doesn’t have to go out and do something massively stupid.

 

 

 

Potential Comedy Skit

Two days out of the week I’m at a supermarket with other volunteers shopping for old people. The seniors call the volunteer office and put in an order for grocery items which then get picked up and delivered by volunteers.

I’ve mentioned before that there are mentally challenged people volunteering as well. Most of them require the assistance of another person but there’s one guy who is high functioning that goes at it alone.

Passing by each other in the aisles sparked my imagination that this could make for a comedy skit where the mentally challenged person and I are in competition with each other. The supposed fully competent person(me) lags behind and ends up cheating just to look superior to him. In the end, my antics catch up with me and I’m viewed as a despicable human being. It sounds like an episode out of Seinfeld where Kramer or George play my character. I have a feeling someone is going to say, “it is an episode from Seinfeld.”

The truth is, I think the high functioning mentally challenged guy is faster than me. He’s been doing it for a few years and knows his way around the place. I ask him for help sometimes.

Man Crushes and Saving Water

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Last night while I was watching Luther I felt the need to urinate. I could have held it until my mother finished taking a shower but I don’t like stepping into bathrooms after someone showers or takes a dump. The humidity created by others bothers me. I’m used to having my own bathroom from living on my own and also from being an only child.

Hmmm, why don’t I just piss outside in the backyard? There’s fresh air and God takes care of the mess. I came back rather satisfied and no one the wiser that I committed an uncivilized act. On top of that, I saved 1.6 gallons of water. I’m a good person.

My latest man crush is for the British guy in the show Luther. You may know him from the show The Wire where he knocks off the role of an African American drug dealer like a boss.

My former man crush was for Keifer Sutherland’s role as Jack Bauer on the show “24.” Such a heroic badass.

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I’ve been psychoanalyzing myself on my man crushes and I have come to some semi-conclusions. I like the guys who have lived chaotic lives that in turn make them end up living a lonely and tormented existence. They are manly men who are scared of nothing and can handle themselves in any situation. Although most may consider them to have low morals, their loyalty and character are superior.

I guess I want to be more like these guys and the impossibility of it all is what forms my man crush for them. I wouldn’t mind if they were my father but I’d rather them be my uncle as the pressure to live up to their competencies would be unbearable.

The only Asian I would have a man crush on is Bruce Lee and he’s been with the maggots for 40 years with no one to replace him since. It’s some sad shit but those were some big size 9 shoes to fill.

 

 

Recent Items Sold on Craigslist

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Just this morning some guy came and picked up this dresser from me for $25. I’ve had it since 1995. As per my mother it costed $100 at the Sears outlet store. It’s real wood which is something you see people brag about these days just like how food companies brag about using real sugar.

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This chair was bought new for about $100 at Office Depot in 2004. It also was in good condition but I don’t have a desk anymore so off it went for $20. Some fucker lowballed me an offer of $10.

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These Polaroid cameras were sitting in my drawer since 2004. They were given to me but I had no use for them. They’re cool but I’m never going to use them nor do I know if they even work. The top one sold for $40 and the other for $75.

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I listed this yesterday under “free stuff” and someone inquired about it this morning. I have a bunch of other things listed that are getting no interest. I just want to get rid of stuff that serves no purpose. “Decluttering” as they call it.

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Trying to sell this clock for $10 but no interest so far. It’s kind of ugly but some vision impaired person may want it if they can find the Craigslist ad. I may just have to give it away.

On eBay, I’ve sold a few items that I really didn’t think would sell but there you go. You never know when you have millions of people available to find your product.

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Someone in the USA paid $8 Canadian which includes shipping. Almost $6 USD? After all expenses I made about $2. Having to go through the trouble of listing it on eBay and then going to the post office, it be probably more worth it for me if I just threw it in the garbage. But someone is getting something they want and I’m contributing to the economy. Ya..ya..that’s why I do it.

I just did a search for this CD and it’s pretty rare. I should have listed it for more. Dammit. Please don’t judge my 90’s music taste.

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Even these two losers found a home through eBay. They paid $5 Canadian including shipping. In the early 90’s the NHL imported Russian hockey players for whatever reasons. I guess it stimulated new interest in the sport. I profited about $3.

So I’m making good money these days compared to someone who searches for bottles on the street…maybe. I’ll sell all my possessions then get a job and buy them all back for regular price.

 

 

Just Say No

All these items pictured below were available when I had steady income but the idea of exchanging my misery for these items was not justifiable in my head. Much of life is about the outside forces devising and executing ways on how to get your money. They know you want to impress your friends and that your life is probably at least somewhat meaningless and boring. Materialism is the drug of choice for non-drug users. The high quickly diminishes and your tolerance is no longer challenged but don’t worry, they are in the lab creating better shit. You need to buy stuff to give this train a reason to keep going.

Sooner or later they will get your attention. The innovation, advancement in technology and affordable price tag gets your brain doing calculations to come up with the final answer of “you can do this.”

Don’t get the wrong impression. Some of the things they come out with find that monkey part of my brain that goes, “me likey and me want.”

I was using a CRT television(box shaped ones) until 2012 when they got me. I rationalized that a slim LED TV would save space, look nicer in every aspect and could double as a computer monitor. I guess that was always the case but now they were cheaper, slimmer and came with more options. This is the case today compared to when I bought one.

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First you get the TV then you get the power then you get the woman.

Just recently they got my attention again. They somehow knew that I have a taste for old stuff so they resurrected the old design of SLR cameras. They want you to cheat on your current assets by sweetening the deal every year until finally you give in to having an affair. It’s your 70 year old wife 40 years younger, 20% less fat, 20% more muscle and 4 times the wisdom. You could say no but you would be a fool.

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These wireless speakers are going to break me soon. They’re portable, connect wirelessly with all your bluetooth devices and the sound quality continues to improve while the price goes down. I reckon that everyone will have one soon.

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In this stage of my life I am trying to avoid the facets of life that are geared strictly to comfort and convenience. They got my attention but they’re not getting my money…yet.

 

Merry Christmas Again

 

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I had no intentions of posting again today but if you are on WordPress tonight it means you are alone because no one loves you or you are trying to mentally escape from your family gathering. Either way, I’m doing you a favour because no one else is posting tonight.

My Christmas was going to give the appearance of normality this year until my dinner tonight was cancelled. The old guy is having denture issues. For Christmas Eve I actually accepted an invitation from the volunteer coordinator to have dinner with a handful of strangers who didn’t even speak English. I don’t know what has gotten into me.

But what the universe wants the universe gets. The universe had chunks of turkey coming out of its mouth from laughing at my attempt to not have a loser Christmas. The universe yelled to his buddies and said…

“hey, come over here and check this out. Subject #339073843039 thinks he’s not going to have a loser Christmas this year. Hahahahaha.”

The Christmas spirit took over me a little and got me out of the house anyway. I got in my car but had no idea where I was going to have dinner. 90% of Chinese restaurants are open because there’s money to be made. I wanted to have dinner at a big and busy or semi-busy restaurant hoping that groups of people would look at me eating all alone on Christmas day and cast stares of sympathy or rejection. There might be cause for concern when you get stimulation from people thinking that you are a freak.

I’m not a real huge fan of Chinese food so I ended up driving aimlessly and wound up surrendering to McDonald’s. Surrounded by other highly potential losers, I entertained myself by casting judgement on the other patrons. What’s this loser doing here having dinner at McDonald’s on Christmas? 

McDonald’s had fairly steady business tonight from the singles, widowers, immigrants and fathers who failed in life and couldn’t afford any better for their wife and kids.

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Well, Merry Christmas again. It’s quite possible that you will see me again tomorrow.