At my previous job, I drove a company vehicle all day delivering and picking up packages to help keep the wheels of the economy rolling. I didn’t realize it then but it made me dislike driving. Now that I am no longer driving all day, I actually enjoy driving even though I drive a boring ass Toyota Camry fit for a low testosterone geezer.
Just like bad health, wrinkles and hearing loss, you don’t realize what is happening until you get the chance to compare your situation to a completely different one. The degradation advances so slowly that the metamorphosis goes unnoticed.
Doing something on a regular basis that I didn’t really want to do slowly wore me down to a depressed state. I think I knew I was depressed but it happened so slowly that I couldn’t pinpoint the causes. When you’re stuck in a way of life for so long you lose all grasp on what makes sense for yourself. Our ability to adapt is to benefit survival not happiness.
Now that I have no income, I think about all the things that I wished I had purchased when I had a steady paycheque. Then I think about why I didn’t. I hated the thought of making unnecessary purchases because at the time I felt the misery I went through to earn that money was not worth whatever enjoyment the purchase was going to bring. To me, buying those items would feel like I was trading my life for them. It just didn’t seem like a good deal.
The little things in life are now enjoyable, for now anyway. I’ve read before that depression is like a stubbron looming black cloud that won’t filter through the slightest bit of sunshine. I can see that now but sometimes all you have to do is take yourself to a place where it doesn’t rain so often.
My final thought on post-employment thus far…if someone is going to miss a toothbrushing session, typically it will be the one before bed. When you are unemployed there’s a good chance you will miss the morning one because you don’t always have to be somewhere or see anyone.