Halloween Night…Reporting Live From my Mother’s House

This is Mr. Johnson reporting live from my Mother’s home half drunk.

I’m waiting for munchkins to come to my door so that I can eat them. It’s just after 6:30 and so far I have had 14 customers. I’ve been passing the time by eating capocollo sandwiches and drinking red wine. I’m at my last ounce of wine but thankfully there’s stale beer in the fridge from June.

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The doorbell sound gets drowned out by the sound of the television but the dog here acts as back up in case I don’t hear some kid wanting their free chocolate. The dog is probably super confused with all this action going on.

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With the way things are going I will have to give each munchkin 5 chocolates to eradicate the box of chocolates. I think kids these days are being efficient by going to townhouses where they can walk 10 ft to the next door to get their free candy.

I just had a kid at my door who posed as a Pizza Hut delivery boy telling me there’s a pizza for a Hugh. I replied,

Hugh Jass?

I’m not sure if he got the joke. He wasn’t even born yet when Moe picked up that call.

I have this slight feeling that someone is going to try to blow up my pumpkin with firecrackers. I’m hoping the Mike Tyson face will make them think twice.

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8 comments on “Halloween Night…Reporting Live From my Mother’s House

  1. sounds like a fun night in!

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  2. Jenna says:

    Oh, Halloween. Just hoard the candy for November.

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  3. Wanda says:

    Love your pumpkin! I harassed teenagers who came to my house in plain clothes. I told them to get candy they had to make an effort. I said, “This year, you get one piece. Your brother gets two because he dressed up. I will remember your face. Next year, if you don’t come dressed in costume, you get nothing.” My husband warned me that if I kept it up our house would get egged, but I didn’t care. You want candy, put on a damn costume! 😉

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