This post is being written for you standing up because my back has been getting sore easily from when I’m sitting or hunched over too long. This shit shouldn’t be happening for at least another 15 years. I don’t need anymore reasons to kill myself. I wonder if it has anything to do with my writing station.
I’ve read that it’s considered ghetto to not have your mattress on a bed stand. I really don’t see the benefit of a bed stand.
This rotary dial telephone one-man expedition has been giving me something to write about. I went on the hunt this morning with leads that I found off of Craigslist.
1) Two Phones. $20 Each.
Lem lived by the river, not in a van but some sort of boat house. He looked like a jack of all trades kind of guy with his dirty clothes and greased stained sausage fingers that have seen better days. His phones were dirty and have definitely seen way better days. I know these phones are old so I can’t expect them to be stellar but I hope for them to at least appear that they are possibly functional. The dials barely rotated and the things that you press to hang the phone up were stuck. I politely declined.
At least I got a chance to check out an area that I’ve never been to before. It was way more interesting than any residential areas. I kind of had the creeps walking onto his property. It gave off that serial killer aura. I was just waiting for the pit bulls to come out from around the corner to bite my balls off. Hate that feeling. Postman Traumatic Syndrome Disorder.
2) 1 Phone. $15
It was a 30 minute drive to this next place that was only a short distance away from the American border. I’m starting to think that some white people move closer to the borders of the city to get away from us coloured folk. Joke, joke. Sort of.
They were an old couple and the husband said the classic old person line, “they don’t make them like they used to.” But he was right. The phone looked satisfactory. He was willing to let it go for $15 because the phone cord jack was missing. I thought it was a steal(some other old guy just told me that old phones didn’t used to have plugs). He gave me the quickest directions on how to get home and we said bye. It was a wholesome 1950’s experience.
I thought it was a steal until I got home and opened it up to find that the bell was missing. I got ripped off by old people! Nah, they seemed like nice people. Did someone take the bell for a science fair experiment?
I cleaned up the rotary dial because it was kind of sluggish. I’m getting my kicks now from turning the dial to get that mechanical sound. Anyone have an extra telephone bell laying around?
3) 1 Phone. $40
In the evening I went to pick up this rotary advertised on Craigslist. She advertised it as ‘excellent’ condition and that it was fully functional. I wouldn’t say it’s excellent but it’s satisfactory. Whether or not it works…we’ll see. The color is a rare find, I think, so I figure it’s a decent buy. I see them online going for the same price or more.
I’m going to test these buggers out tomorrow where there’s a landline connection. For the sake of the previous phone owners, these phones better work. I have their phone numbers and I can be very immature.
Is there anything else you would rather do on a Saturday night than read about rotary dial telephones?