While you are at Work

It’s just after 2pm and I’m buzzed from the red wine that took its time to aerate. I let it mingle with the oxygen last night but it wasn’t enough for this high maintenance lady in red. It needed another 12 hours back in the bottle to marinate. I’m savoring this last glass like a junkie with their last rock while massaging out the bits of T-bone steak stuck between my teeth. I’m a hedonistic son of a bitch today but I did my good deed earlier by donating lightly worn clothes and footwear to at risk youths. They don’t accept used underwear.

Everyone else is at work counting down the time before the first part of their miserable day is over while I’m in my underwear writing for you good people. I’m sure my landlord is in panic mode hoping that I’m on an extended vacation and not unemployed and unable to pay his rent. I’ve pretty much paid for his new Mercedes.

Jim Jefferies is my current favourite standup comedian.


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