Motivational Speech from Old People

An old man answered the door for a parcel delivery I had yesterday. He was walking with a cane…barely. His wife came by after to check out what was happening. She was walking fine. You always hear present day women complain about how unfair their situation is compared to men but you wouldn’t see that case in action here. Having to walk with a cane and dying 5 years earlier is the price men pay for that supposed 30% extra in pay women are always complaining about. Want to trade?

He went on to seemingly brag about being retired with his pension and seemed to be trying to inspire me to get to his position(hunched). It was like a fat guy trying to sell you weight loss products that he says he uses. His wife chimed in and started giving a lesson on saving for retirement.

“Just $25 a week and you’ll be surprised.”

$25 a week? Maybe in 1980. The only surprise I would get is how little pizza that will get me in the year 2045 even with the accumulated capital gains.

They didn’t know this but I know their son. The name is uncommon and they told me where they used to live which would coincide with what I know of his history. I didn’t want to mention it though because their son was in the drug game for a decade and things didn’t end so well. They’d might assume that I knew about it and I wouldn’t want them to feel the potential awkwardness or shame.

It’s nice that they assume that my life is going to be like theirs given that they lived in a different time. They bought their house in 1998 for $300,000 and today it’s worth $1.2 million. They were one of the lucky ones to hit the Vancouver real estate lottery. A pension might be an expired idea by the time I get there and if it’s not it’s going to be a pension for suckers. That’s just the beginning. I may have to deal with expensive drinking water, oil shortage and chemical weapons.

I’m just being negative because I don’t want to work for 39 years. I don’t mind the cane and earlier death but the 39 years. Ewww. When the time comes I want the nicest walking cane around so that all the other old guys will envy me and my hopefully non-leaking prostate which I will showoff.


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