What Monday signifies in many societies is the first day of the dreaded work week. To combat the dreadfulness I called in sick. Good thing I did because I feel like shit and it’s pounding rain outside. Raindrops are exploding when they meet the pavement which makes for a horrid day when your job is outside.
My manager probably suspects me of being full of shit given that probably no one wants to be doing my job today and the fact that I am getting paid 70% of my wage to sit at home in my underwear. I get paid sick days and I haven’t called in sick for well over a year which shows you what kind of responsible nerd I am. I feel guilt calling in sick just for the sake of not working and getting paid for it.
I drank way too much alcohol on Saturday night and I’m paying the price 2 days later. Combined with not eating and not drinking water, I really screwed myself. For the last two days I’ve been at that level where you tell yourself you are never going to drink again. I think I can at least keep a promise that I will never drink like that again.
At least I don’t have to work today though. Happy Monday.
The best place to look down at cleavages is by standing on the upper level of a mall. You intend to only view the cleavages of adults but sometimes an underage girl will walk by and she’s just a casualty of war.
Lately, I’ve been making soup for lunch because it allows me to make a big batch with ease. I just dump everything in a pot and let it sit on the stove top. I can make a case for it being healthy. Locally sourced pork side ribs, tomatoes and Chinese melon from my uncle’s garden and organic locally grown potatoes. Fit for a caveman. Make me big and strong.
This is about the opposite of healthy. I live by an Asian supermarket which caters to Asians and anyone cheap. They have hot food that consists of primarily only good tasting food for a cheap price. $6.50(no tax). They stack on the noodles and rice because it makes you feel you are getting your monies worth. I think Chinese take-out is worse than McDonald’s but I haven’t done a controlled study. If I was a bum though, I would be buying this and splitting it into two meals. Everything Chinese people have done in Western society was to trick white people into giving us their money. Sweet and sour pork didn’t really exist outside of North America. I don’t even know what Egg Foo Yong is.
I bought a new microphone the other week. I’ve been talking shit and uploading it to youtube for no one to listen but it’s still fun. If you have no one to talk to, technology allows you to talk to yourself now and give you the small sense that someone might listen to your bullshit.
For those of you who live in a place with a small Chinese population, here is what you would see if that wasn’t the case. What you see here is soya sauce chicken, bbq duck and some kind of gross sausages. White people love this shit. We have you under controlled with MSG.
My cousin and I tested out a new venture of online roulette. Our strategy seemed so promising but obviously it can’t be that easy for someone to hand you over money for nothing. Some of the girls are sexy though. They are based out of Latvia and it’s live. Why go to the casino when you have one online? Another case of how the world is going completely online.
I guess that’s it or all I can think of. What’s been happening in your life?
It’s difficult to see how life will turn out well for you when you can’t fathom it happening in the conventional methods. That’s because the conventional way is closed minded and life does not always work on logic. When bad things happen to us we think of how those same experiences affected others who we have heard have gone through similar paths. Life is not rigid and never was. No one ever saw the internet coming even 10 years prior and none of us saw smartphones and self-driving cars coming.
You will never see how beautiful life is by following an ugly script. Following the script only brings you acceptance which is bland. The only positive you get from it is acceptance. Acceptance is security, a feeling away from fear but nothing else. Acceptance keeps you warm but also keeps you away from everything outside of your blanket.
The head wants you to live like a scared and selfish animal. The heart wants what the heart wants. It wants something different. It wants love in all ways.
In this culture, our worth is dependent on what we do for a job and how well we fit into the stereotypical ‘good life.’ As soon as someone hears of where you are on the social ladder, you are either praised, accepted or written off. I was a victim to this myself. I know the rationale because I was plugged into it. Most of the time I was either accepted or written off. When I was written off I was upset and would rant about how stupid it was but I would do nothing. I accepted the idea that it was the way it was and I should feel bad about myself for not meeting the standard.
It’s sad because as humans we are the most important resource available and it’s our choice how we want to be used. To give into the idea that you are worth less because of some cultural idea is primitive thinking. If your worth is based on your money and your social status then you are a fucking loser. You do nothing for this world. Your importance is imaginary. It only seems real because everyone you surround yourself with tells you it is. If you give into this silly way of thinking then your life was a waste because you did nothing but play a role in a deceptive charade.
Everyone can have importance by helping somebody else. If your only objective in life is to help yourself and only the 1 or 2 people associated with you by a label then you really aren’t that special.
I’m sitting at a Starbucks right now. Coffee shops seem to be places for loners who just want to get out of the house. They buy one coffee and sit there for 2 hours sucking up the wifi. It’s a place that allows you to be in a semi-social setting without having to be social.
Everyone is either on their laptops or smartphones, killing the ‘precious’ time they have on this earth with some sort of entertainment. That seems to be the way life is going. It’s more about being entertained and entertaining. Everyone has their role in the entertainment business. Everyone is either blogging, gaming, facebooking, tweeting, instagramming, text messaging or whatever new thing is out there that I’m not hip enough to keep up with. I’m sure it’s just the beginning.
Our ‘real life’ will one day be primarily online. There will not be enough decent paying jobs for everyone that the powers that be will have the option for the non-ambitious to live their life being occupied by technology. Our jobs will be to entertain each other online. The Matrix doesn’t sound so crazy no more.
I’m just being gloom and doom. Maybe this is actually a better existence. I don’t know. Whatever is going to happen, it’s going to be vastly different from what it is now.
A few months ago our head manager at work retired and his replacement was this guy who used to be a lower ranking manager at our station. When he was working at our station before, the majority of people, as well as myself, thought he was a dickhead. I mean, a real dickhead. When we heard the news that he was coming back we weren’t too thrilled. Continue reading
If you want to talk to the most normal people in the world, the place to go to is the bank. There’s no other place that will provide you with more people who look, speak and think like stiffs. If you want positive reinforcement for working and saving, the bank is like a place of worship for that realm of thinking. Continue reading
At 8:30pm I decided to floss and brush my teeth because I know there’s nothing going on. I don’t want to be in the position 2 hours from now when I’m laying in bed and too lazy to fight gingivitis. I bet you even the nerdiest of guys still have plans to eat potato chips and drink soda tonight. The truth is that I’m tired because I didn’t sleep sufficiently last night. If I had slept sufficiently, I still would have no plans but I would possibly entertain the idea of drinking alcohol…not at a bar or anything of course but at home…alone.
There are many who force themselves to stay up on a Friday night even if they are tired because going to bed early makes them feel like a loser and the purpose of life is to not feel like a loser. Perhaps I’m old or wise beyond my years but I prefer good quality sleep over videos that I can just watch tomorrow.
What are all of you doing tonight? If you’re reading this then you’re a loser.
Having kids was not something I ever really desired. When I was a young adult I probably told people I wanted them but back then I would blurt out whatever sounded most acceptable. I think if I had a kid, I could be happy about it but only if my kid wasn’t boring or an asshole.
I don’t know if I could handle having a teenage son and have to constantly wonder if he just jerked off somewhere in my home. If his bedroom door was closed the first thing I would think is that he’s masturbating in there. When he’s sitting at the dinner table, I’d be analyzing if he just jerked off with those hands he just used to pass me the mash potatoes. If I hear him go into the bathroom too many times I will wonder if he just jerked off or is disposing of his jerk off tissues. Every time I come home through the front door, I will carry a little anxiety because I might catch him jerking off on the couch. My version of “the birds and the bees” will be, I better not catch you jerking off. You hear me! No matter how great of a son he is, I will always think of him as my jerk-off son.
If I had a teenage daughter that was even semi-attractive, I’d always wonder if that guy I just saw her with has ever shot his load of semen on her face. I don’t know, I wouldn’t be able to help but think that. By the time my daughter becomes a teenager, a frigid prude will be a teenage girl who has never taken it up the ass. I’d be so depressed staring at my daughter across the dinner table knowing that she’s probably somewhat of a slut. Every guy that picks her up to go out or drops her off will be automatically convicted in my mind of violating my daughter. I wouldn’t be able to respect her.
What is a father to do? My life would be consumed with avoiding images of semen for the rest of my life. I can’t have kids.
It’s easy to get down on yourself when your life is not close to what you think you want it to be. “Think” is the keyword here. Often you will have an infection in your mind that you always thought to be normal, like a harmless mole that’s actually cancerous. There’s no medical journal though to outline the causes, symptoms and cures for your seemingly harmless mental affliction.
When you have cancer or the flu even, it debilitates your entire life. Until you rid yourself of your disease you’re at the mercy of it. Your life belongs to it. I don’t think it’s much different when your mind is infected with diseased thoughts. The last handful of years for me has been sort of a testament to that Rolling Stones song about not getting what you want but getting what you need. I feel better about myself than I ever did in the past. My mind feels less infected which gives me some solace and hope for the future that I never had before. Or maybe this new found positivity is from all this free entertainment that technology has provided me?
When you’re infected by the thoughts of others you end up following the scripted method of living because you’re too scared to write your own and star in it. You’re scared it’s going to bomb so you stick to the equivalent of a film with a shitty story that is dependent on special effects.
To cure yourself you have to cut yourself off from what doesn’t feel good. The wrong people in your life are like viruses that invisibly contaminate you like an unsuspecting airborne disease. You don’t see or feel it coming. They are like the dangerous drugs that haven’t been researched. They give you some pleasure and relief but ultimately they slowly take your life away without you knowing it. Every so often you’ll be tempted to have that one dance with disease but it can end up ruining so much of your progress. I’ve entertained the temptation but I have the foresight now to know it will be a shitty ending. At least I believe I do.
Curing yourself from the thoughts of other people is a slow process because it’s a natural one. If there was a synthetic pill made for this type of condition then things might be different. Unfortunately, you’re going to have to rough it out with bed rest. The change is so gradual that you won’t even notice yourself changing. It’s only when you reflect that it hits you. When you’re less consumed with being someone you’re not then you will move closer to being the person you want to be.