Sometimes you come to a fork in a road and instead of choosing a side you jump off to the unknown. When I left my old friends they were split up between being married with kids or drinking and snorting cocaine. What to do, what to do. I’ve always been the type of guy who would carve his own path regardless if it meant swimming alone. To most people, choosing the route of solitude is not an option. To me, choosing a route for the sole purpose of not being alone is foolish.
Often times, your connection to others is derived from what you identify with in your present life, and not your personality and interests. You are friends because you work together and once you stop working together you are no longer friends. It can be difficult to give up the drinking and coke snorting when your alternative is nothing.
Married people with kids can be annoying. They think you want to be like them but it just hasn’t happened for you yet. They think your existence is in limbo until you’re living their white picket fence life which could also be temporary. I’ve been polite to such people but I’m almost at the point where I want to tell them that I think their life is kind of dreadful. I pretend that I’m in envy of their newborns but I’m just being nice. I don’t give 3 shits about your kid and I wish you would stop trying to get your kid to say ‘hi’ to me and call me ‘uncle.’ I’m not jealous that you shot a load into your wife and a kid came out of her vagina like billions and billions have done before you. You’re not that special.
To drink alcohol and snort coke in your mid-30’s on a regular basis is hoping for a segue into a better life but not knowing how to get it. When you have nothing else going for you in life, the alcohol and cocaine can be like your saving grace.
Afraid of being alone is often the demise of our life.