When your Options Suck

Sometimes you come to a fork in a road and instead of choosing a side you jump off to the unknown. When I left my old friends they were split up between being married with kids or drinking and snorting cocaine. What to do, what to do. I’ve always been the type of guy who would carve his own path regardless if it meant swimming alone. To most people, choosing the route of solitude is not an option. To me, choosing a route for the sole purpose of not being alone is foolish.

Often times, your connection to others is derived from what you identify with in your present life, and not your personality and interests. You are friends because you work together and once you stop working together you are no longer friends. It can be difficult to give up the drinking and coke snorting when your alternative is nothing.

Married people with kids can be annoying. They think you want to be like them but it just hasn’t happened for you yet. They think your existence is in limbo until you’re living their white picket fence life which could also be temporary. I’ve been polite to such people but I’m almost at the point where I want to tell them that I think their life is kind of dreadful. I pretend that I’m in envy of their newborns but I’m just being nice. I don’t give 3 shits about your kid and I wish you would stop trying to get your kid to say ‘hi’ to me and call me ‘uncle.’ I’m not jealous that you shot a load into your wife and a kid came out of her vagina like billions and billions have done before you. You’re not that special.

To drink alcohol and snort coke in your mid-30’s on a regular basis is hoping for a segue into a better life but not knowing how to get it. When you have nothing else going for you in life, the alcohol and cocaine can be like your saving grace.

Afraid of being alone is often the demise of our life.


21 comments on “When your Options Suck

  1. samlobos says:

    Being alone sucks. Being single should be fun, but it’s overrated. I’m really pessimistic right now.


  2. “The price of being a sheep is boredom. The price of being a wolf is loneliness. Choose one or the other with great care.”

    Hugh MacLeod said it. He’s also a fantastic cartoonist who uses copious amounts of snark. You two should drink together. http://gapingvoid.com/2005/12/14/dinosaur-meteor/

    I was a sheep for the first forty. The current forty is my wolfdom. The last forty will be a new animal, I’m sure.


    • MrJohnson says:

      There’s definitely truth to that quote. I checked out the site. Some good stuff there so thanks. I’m eagerly waiting for his reply to accept my drink invitation.

      I think it’s almost impossible to not be a sheep for at least part of your life unless you really really suck at being a sheep. It just seems worth giving it a try in the beginning. A lot of the time, life will manage to get its grip on you to be a sheep forever whether you want it or not.


      • Luckily–or suckily–I’m just too weird.

        I am a wolf in sheep’s clothing in public situations out of convenience–not my own convenience but other people’s. It takes too long to explain why I don’t own a television, can’t name a single song on the top 40, smartphone app, or celebrity under 35, give very few fucks about the latest health and fashion fads, feel deep pity for the religious, and am bored to tears by “sexy” people. Hey, if you can’t be interesting in conversation, your abs aren’t going to help you, darlin’.

        What were you like at your sheepiest? What did you have to pretend so hard that it hurt?


        • MrJohnson says:

          I’m getting to that stage too where I don’t know what’s going on with any current popular culture and technology. I’m envious towards the religious though except for the ones that stop believing at like 40 or 50. They get kind of shafted. If not having a TV was part of an official religion, you would never have any explaining to do. So why don’t you have a TV?

          I was the biggest poser and most insecure at my sheepiest. I went to nightclubs, wore douchey clothing and just did a bunch of things I didn’t really want to do. I think the climax was when I wore a diamond ear stud. Ooooh..shiny. The idea of not being part of my group of friends that I hung out with since high school was absurd. There was definitely cult like behaviour going on. I had no thoughts past my ego.

          How were you sheeping until 40? Did you get tired of wool?


          • Enjoyed your sheep tale. I actually heard Liev Schreiber say, “Ooo…shiny.”

            My sheep exploits were similar. I operated under the social axiom that good people maintain lifelong friends no matter what. Even if you picked those friends when you were in a bad place. Even if you move up into a better place and can’t seem to get them to evolve with you.

            It’s easy to be a Likable Woman, you just smile until your face hurts in public, stroke every ego that approaches you, and agree with every stupidass thing the douchebags say. Until vodka and chocolate don’t work anymore.

            Then you announce, “Fuck it, there really IS nothing on television. I’m learning carpentry/going hiking/writing a book.”

            You have fewer friends this way but fewer moments when you want to shoot a sheep, too.


            • MrJohnson says:

              I had no idea who Liev Schreiber was until I saw his face.

              Ya, I felt the same about friends. Not being able to maintain friendships meant there must have been some kind of character flaw about you.

              Sounds like you did okay with people back in the day. Now I’m kind of curious how vodka and chocolate taste together. Carpentry, hiking and book writing sounds pretty good to me. I’ve always had a television but most of the time no channels(wasn’t worth paying for or I was too cheap). Watching the news was kind of like my way of being social because it was live.


  3. steffietopia says:

    I wish more people would have fun hobbies instead of children! It’s getting so crowded and noisy 😉 …a couple of fun hobbies can easily replace alcohol and cocaine but then one has to get up from the sofa 😉


    • MrJohnson says:

      I just wish there were less children so I could exercise at the jungle gym without feeling like a pedophile. I don’t know if hobbies can replace a child but there’s lots of dogs out there that need adopting. Having children probably saves people from using alcohol and cocaine.

      Liked by 1 person

      • steffietopia says:

        well a lot of people like to combine the two and turn their children into terrible people just like them or worse. Not sure if I want people with a mind set like this to have a dog either as I love dogs more than humans 😉


  4. Wanda says:

    I don’t give 3 shits about your kid and I wish you would stop trying to get your kid to say ‘hi’ to me and call me ‘uncle.’ —-LMAO!


    • MrJohnson says:

      In the beginning I went to the kid birthday parties because I got invited and felt obligated to go. Then one day I thought to myself, “why do I go to these things?” I had to bring a present too otherwise I’d look like a cheap miserable asshole. It was like being a paraplegic getting invited to an ice skating party..”c’mon, you’ll have fun.”


  5. “To me, choosing a route for the sole purpose of not being alone is foolish. Afraid of being alone is often the demise of our life.” I agree, Mr Johnson.

    Most of us have no idea how many people would resolve to put up with anything just to constantly have others around them. As if being alone is downright the equivalent of sadness, failure, and all things negative. I don’t really understand how it became so.


    • MrJohnson says:

      People don’t really say it but they condone such actions for themselves and others to ward off lonesomeness. For most people when they see or hear of that person who is seemingly alone they think it’s the worst possible situation and will endure any type of life to not be that person. Some are just better off not being alone no matter what, I believe. Maybe they just don’t like themselves very much.

      Liked by 1 person

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