Can you pull the trigger? It’s easy to say with confidence what you will do or what you would do but when it comes time that barrel chest you once stuck out becomes a saggy deflated left breast. We can take the easy steps towards the final destination but to take that final step through that door and have it close behind you is equivalent to 100 miles. Sometimes it’s more about the destination than the journey.
Attempting suicide and not succeeding is the same as writing a resignation letter and not handing it in. You thought about it, maybe seriously considered it but you couldn’t quite do it. Loading the gun is easy and so is putting it to your head but that last small movement with your index finger…not so much. Swallowing a few pills and wanting to die is like hoping to get laid off with severance…you’re trying to get off easy.
To be fully confident that you will be okay without your current job takes a bit of rational mathematical work but also a few steps away from the primitive mind that has been operating on a system of fear for over a hundred thousand years. Being separated from your employment without new employment is interpreted as suicide if it’s by your own actions. Getting fired is like being ousted by the tribe.
When you kill your employed-self, quite often you are not saying goodbye to life but instead saying goodbye to a lifestyle which to many is synonymous with life.