Even if you don’t have a proper profile set up on an online dating site, you probably have an anonymous one that you use to creep around (If you’re not with someone). Online dating profiles are almost exactly the same as Facebook profiles except that there is a different motivation behind them. The pictures are all the same. Most people display photos that make them look like they have a life. I guess a profile is just like a resume in that you show what you think you have to and also what you think people want to see.
A typical woman’s profile will sound something like this…
I have a job that I love
I’m ambitious My friends and family come first I’m well traveled I’m not into hookups
Don’t show me your dick
There’s not a lot of women out there who don’t want to have kids some day. The only ones who don’t want kids are women who already have kids and who wants to deal with that situation. If they only have a drug habit at least there’s a chance they can drop it. Kids are like diamonds not because they sparkle but because they are forever.
I’m looking for a woman with small ambitions who doesn’t like their family and friends. I guess one friend and a sister is okay. There’s not a lot of profiles advertising themselves as loners not trying to ‘live life.’
Of course, there’s a lot of BS on people’s profiles. If there’s not BS then there’s a great withholding of the truth. Almost everyone indicates that they drink ‘socially’ but everyone indicates that they ‘never’ do drugs. Ya fucking right. Many people like to be secretive whether or not they want kids or not…’undecided’ or ‘I’ll tell you later.’
Apparently women don’t like a guy who doesn’t love his job or lives in his mom’s basement. What if I live upstairs instead? They also want a guy who knows what he wants out of life. I thought being mysterious was an appealing quality?
What I’ve learned is that if you lower your standards enough there’s someone out there for you. I think that would make great Hallmark card. I’ve messaged with a few girls but never found any motivation to take it any further. I guess because the conversations were not very stimulating and also they didn’t offer me sex right away. It’s not that I think I’m too good for anyone. I just don’t think anyone is good enough for me.
I get this yearly review with my manager every year and it has made me realize how fast the years have been moving in this stage of my life. “This stage of my life” meaning a life that has not much going on in the last few years. I’ve blogged about my 2 previous ride alongs with my manager and it does not feel that long ago since I wrote about the last one. Jack shit has happened to my life in this last year which makes me believe that an uneventful life flies by quickly because when nothing happens it just feels like one really long day. It’s like watching the same movie over and over again. You can watch it for an entire year but the only memories you will have for that year will consist of whatever happened during that 2 hour movie.
My manager is around 50 and is the type of guy who believes in life. He does family functions, goes on vacations, goes fishing and tries to get out as much as he can. I guess it’s the stereotypical white life. I sort of tell him about my lack of life and he gives me shit all the time in a nice way. I unfortunately don’t believe in ‘life’ as much as others. It’s just not my type of religion.
But the realization that the years are going by so quickly is motivating me to do something. There’s not a lot of reason to live if nothing is going to happen. One can rationalize a comfortable life as the way to live but a long comfortable life is the equivalent to feeling dead. It is scary to take any sort of plunge when the ship you are on is sailing on peaceful waters with no signs of storms until you are convinced that it is not taking you anywhere you want to go.
Previous blogs about the ride-alongs with my manager
The sign on the front door told me to go around to the back basement to deliver the parcel. It was an old house and the guy who came out of it was older and bummish looking. For whatever reason he had to tell me the story of how he just came back from some city in California after visiting his Master. My brain executed a search for what ‘Master’ might have meant and the first result was a dominatrix but I didn’t think it was likely.
He went on to tell me that his Master was some Chinese dude who was supposedly a cross between The Dalai Lama and Eckhart Tolle. After 20 some odd years of arthritis, his Master did some accupuncture on him that immediately cured him. I guess I would call this guy my Master too if he did this for me.
The guy started going off about all this spiritual stuff. He spoke about meditating and kept referring to the word ‘blessings.’ His Master was flying into Vancouver on that same day and he had to meet him at the airport. I was thinking, wow, you must be special for this Master guy to give you so much of his time.
This Master person had some credentials under his belt. He has written a bunch of books and 10 of them have been New York Times best sellers. That’s pretty badass. That’s why I was wondering how does this bum get so much attention from him. Yes I am being judgmental but that’s what makes life fun.
He gave me one of the books by his Master and told me that it would help me solve my internal Rubik’s Cube and bring out blessings from my heart. I told him I would read it and pass it on and he said, “no, that’s yours to keep. If you know anyone who wants a copy just send them here.” Sounds like a perverted scheme to me. He probably has a thing for Chinese guys. If I didn’t stop this guy from rambling he would have went on and on so I told him that I had to go or my Master will fire me.
A mind that endures a long stretch void of external occupation will form a stronger bond with the demons that were once passed off as trivial. To find yourself you might embark on an ambitious adventure, thinking and hoping that placing your physical presence in another time zone will make you see new light that will shine a path for you back home. No matter how far you go, your mental attachments will shield you from any new chance of enlightenment.
With no one and not much to ponder about, my mind has been constantly reaching to the past for stimulation. Too often it’s revisiting the occurrences that are nothing to be proud of. In the past these encounters would barely scratch my mind. I had enough drama and preoccupation with the near future that everything else had to be buried in storage. Slowly over the recent years, these memories have been taken out of storage and have been inspected more thoroughly. I’ve deferred the embarrassment and admission of guilt for years and now I am paying the interest.
Perhaps a reason why everyone puts all their efforts to avoid not being alone is so that they never have to deal with themselves. For whatever reason, not blaming yourself and guilt are feelings we do our best to runaway from. Maybe primitive wiring tells us showing remorse is a sign of weakness.
Knowing that your actions affected others and yourself negatively after being ignorant or oblivious about the matter for so long can weigh on you because you cannot go back in time to rectify the situation. You also cannot ignore the fact that you have been walking around life for an extended amount of time without knowing any better.
A person’s main objective is to make themselves feel good. We use lies and obscure rationalizations to sustain and build the good image we would like to see ourselves in. How can you find yourself if you are never alone? Waldo is hard to find because he is always stuck in a crowd. But maybe you don’t ever want to be alone with the beast.
Everyone on WordPress makes themselves out to be decent people who are full of high morals. Their sob stories always portray themselves as the victim. It’s either some of these people are not entirely honest or WordPress is a meeting place for nice people who only get the short end of the stick.
People write about the shitty things that have happened to them and the first thought is to feel sympathy. Just like in real life when someone you first meet tells you their story, you just believe it without even questioning it. Then you get to know them and some things just don’t seem right but you give them the benefit of the doubt. Then you get to know them a little more and it all makes sense. They were full of shit or omitted important parts from the story, at least to some degree. Then you tell yourself, hmm…I thought that seemed kind of weird when…
You shouldn’t fully believe the story I paint with my keyboard. You have no good reason to believe that I’m not full of shit too. I tell you all these sob stories but maybe I’m leaving out bits and parts that would turn the whole canvas around to expose who the real asshole is. I talk about how people suck but maybe I’m the one that sucks. Some loners might really like their time alone but other loners might be loners because they are assholes and no one likes them. Maybe I have no relationship with my mother because I stole her life savings 10 years ago and slapped her every time she didn’t use enough fabric softener. If this were true you might say to yourself…oh, that makes more sense now.
Sometimes when people don’t have anyone or anything it’s because they are assholes who made bad decisions. Writing about yourself is like a work of art. The finished piece is what you publish and all the mess it took to create the finished piece is discarded and never to be seen.
The same can be said about triumphant stories. You want to congratulate someone for their achievements even though you don’t know the back story. Who knows how many people this person has screwed up the ass (the gays are going to want to take away that line one day too) to get to where they are.
I’m not saying that I think any of you are hiding information that would reflect poorly on you. I don’t know you well enough, and I guess WordPress is more of a place for entertainment than it is a confession booth anyway.
There’s always two sides to a story. The one you tell everyone and the other one that has some stains that you’re scared might disgust people.