The Seeds of Suicide

There’s taking a gun and blowing your brains out and then there’s the unconscious act of slowly planting the seeds for your death. One who is absolutely sure that they want to remain in this life as long as possible does so by making the prudent decisions to ensure survival.

When a person loses hope for physical survival or no longer possesses the purpose to want to continue living, wanting to die is just around the corner.  We hope that day never comes but every irresponsible decision that is made can be taken as a step closer to ending it all.  Maybe you don’t want to die but your actions can reflect your lack of desire for a long life.

Not being mindful of your finances, health and pushing yourself to the fringes is playing a dangerous game with the devil. Show me the book though, that preaches clearly that a long life is meant for everyone.  You can die at 40 or you can die at 80. Either way you are dead and none of that extra living makes the dead 40 year old envious.  It’s exactly this type of thinking that gets extra seeds planted.

Self-preservation is the medicine that staves off the thoughts of wanting death.  Operating on your primitive wiring keeps you searching for survival and strengthens the ego.  It tells you that it doesn’t matter if you’re unhappy or irrational because all that matters is that you are alive.

Maybe you will get through all of this without being the perpetrator of your own demise.  But maybe the seeds that you planted will see the rain that it needs to grow.

I don’t want to kill myself at this moment or even in the near future but I can imagine a realistic scenario in which it would be possible.  It’s disgusting to think of such situations but I can’t help myself.  Unlike most people, I’m not one to say that I would never do it.   The idea of it is not as crazy as it once was.

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11 comments on “The Seeds of Suicide

  1. lisafab says:

    This worries me….

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  2. I don’t get much your point here, MrJohnson. Life may suck, but what rational mind, imo, would choose death over life, except if one is suffering from unbearable physical pain due to some terminal illness.
    I don’t believe it really is about strengthening the ego. There are more people who’d do anything to stay alive because it is always better compared to the (other) alternative which is just damn scary.

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    • MrJohnson says:

      Most people wouldn’t choose death over life but some would. For everyone though, the further your life is from happiness the closer it is to wanting to die. Very few people every kill themselves but many wouldn’t mind dying but are too scared to do it themselves so instead they hope that their path of poor health will do them a favour.

      Tremendous and constant physical pain is at the top of reasons for a justifiable suicide but it’s not the only reason. Simply not wanting to live because of the effort needed to sustain a life of no purpose and no joy becomes tiresome which makes a choice for death a rational one.

      To believe in life instead of death even though there is no hope for satisfaction is a decision based on ego or fear. Why would one want to live when life does not seem worth living to them? Chances are they will try to live but only because death in anyway is too scary and not because living is so rational.

      Life may suck for many but usually there’s something to keep people going. Religion, hope, youth, irrational beliefs, fear of death. Maybe television isn’t so bad for this world as it could be giving some people more reason to live when they have not much else.

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      • I was dead serious while reading your reply and then that last part about television cracked me up a bit. 🙂
        I get your point better now, Mr Johnson. I also would like to say I somehow understand people who lose control and end up committing suicide because of severe depression. Many years ago, a mysterious one hit me, trying to pull me down as if whispering life is not worth living. It was terrifying for someone like me who has always been afraid to die. It turned out the depression was connected to a (physical) medical condition. Thankfully, the herb supplements I took (which I painstakingly researched) worked. If depression or lack of purpose is the problem, there’s always professional help that can be sought. Life is simply that — full of struggles and fight for survival.

        My other point is that even at my lowest, love for oneself and fear of death have been the main reasons suicide remains out of the question. Yet I don’t want to use the word ego especially when I think or read (the heartbreaking news recently) of the people who died in their efforts to stay alive.

        “I still have money and am too beautiful to really want to die yet.” Your first response above is both funny and a relief. 🙂
        ‘Hope you are having a good weekend.

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      • MrJohnson says:

        Although I mean everything I write, most of the time it doesn’t mean anything more than just an insight on my thought on a subject. I think having people in one’s life stops them from considering suicide because of how they think they will be judged. No matter what people always care what other people think of them even after death.

        I’ve never really realized that there are many people out there who are afraid of death and that’s possibly one of the main reasons why people turn to religion. Your herb supplement story is interesting. I’m always intrigued by success stories of non-western medicine.

        As long as I can look in the mirror and not be disgusted, I will continue to live 🙂

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