There’s taking a gun and blowing your brains out and then there’s the unconscious act of slowly planting the seeds for your death. One who is absolutely sure that they want to remain in this life as long as possible does so by making the prudent decisions to ensure survival.
When a person loses hope for physical survival or no longer possesses the purpose to want to continue living, wanting to die is just around the corner. We hope that day never comes but every irresponsible decision that is made can be taken as a step closer to ending it all. Maybe you don’t want to die but your actions can reflect your lack of desire for a long life.
Not being mindful of your finances, health and pushing yourself to the fringes is playing a dangerous game with the devil. Show me the book though, that preaches clearly that a long life is meant for everyone. You can die at 40 or you can die at 80. Either way you are dead and none of that extra living makes the dead 40 year old envious. It’s exactly this type of thinking that gets extra seeds planted.
Self-preservation is the medicine that staves off the thoughts of wanting death. Operating on your primitive wiring keeps you searching for survival and strengthens the ego. It tells you that it doesn’t matter if you’re unhappy or irrational because all that matters is that you are alive.
Maybe you will get through all of this without being the perpetrator of your own demise. But maybe the seeds that you planted will see the rain that it needs to grow.
I don’t want to kill myself at this moment or even in the near future but I can imagine a realistic scenario in which it would be possible. It’s disgusting to think of such situations but I can’t help myself. Unlike most people, I’m not one to say that I would never do it. The idea of it is not as crazy as it once was.